“Wait a minute, that’s not what I mean.” Darren’s tone became defensive. He thought about what Sherry’s revelation could really mean: that he had a child all along. “I left my card with you. You could’ve called.”
“I didn’t know what to do,” Sherry said, getting emotional. “You don’t know what I was going through.”
“So, do you really think the child was mine?” Darren asked. Sherry’s silence and avoiding eye contact was enough for him to get what she was saying. He nodded. “And so you’ve been thinking this ever since you came here for the interview?”
“No, no,” Sherry said. “I’ve just been thinking about it, and some other things, more and more lately. Sometimes...you know...the guilt of being a woman who gave up her newborn child. Then I started to think about some things. I mean, I thought about you back when I had the child, but you weren’t the kind of guy I usually hooked up with like that. I guess… I guess what I’m trying to say is I felt like you were out of my league...probably wouldn’t remember me, much.”
Darren shook his head. Mental anguish set in from the thought that he could’ve gotten her pregnant that night. He hadn’t used a condom; drinks from the bar then the dancing blurred his memory. Had Sherry said anything about birth control? “So, how would I ever find out if it was my child or not? Why didn’t you call me and tell me then? I mean, did you call any of the guys you hooked up with to see? Did you even try to find the father?”
Sherry’s eyes swelled with tears – the shame – and she looked away as that painful chapter in her life rushed back into her heart like liquid ice. “No, I didn’t look for the father… I wasn’t even sure if I was going to get to be a mother.”
“You didn’t have to give a child up without at least first seeing if the father would take it,” Darren said. He thought about how he could’ve had his own flesh and blood, if it had already been on the way into the world, rather than go through the gruesome adoption process.
“You don’t understand, Darren,” Sherry said, being a little more forceful. “Five months into my pregnancy, I found out I had cancer….well, what could’ve become breast cancer. I got fired from my job, my car broke down, and I had to do treatments while I was sleeping on my best friend’s couch. I was so scared, I was… And now Gabriel…. I… I…” She gulped. “I feel like he’s mine.”
Darren watched as Sherry quickly rose up from the couch then rushed through the french doors and into the house. He called her name, rushing behind her in attempts to grab her hand and express his regret in his delivery. However, his efforts hadn’t been enough. He stopped at the edge of the kitchen island and watched as Sherry, sobbing from the guilt and shame only a mother who gave up her child could understand, rushed toward the staircase then disappeared into the dark.
Darren sighed then poured himself a glass of wine. He returned to his seat on the terrace and sipped the wine in thought. Little did he know, there was another inclination that had been brewing in Sherry’s mind for much of the afternoon...one that would rock a man’s heart and soul to the very core.
“I feel like he’s mine,” Darren said, repeating Sherry’s words as he analyzed them. “I feel like he’s mine.”
Chapter 11
Through the middle of the week, the relationship between Darren and his son’s nanny had gotten to its coldest since she started the job. Aside from updates on Gabriel’s days, their evening chats were rather short. Darren was a bit reluctant to join her out on the terrace when he found her sitting out there with Gabriel; Sherry would often put Gabriel to bed in the evenings just as she heard Darren coming into the house. It became a regular occurrence for her to look down the staircase and listen to the man move around downstairs. She would then pull herself away retreat to her room.
Friday evening came sooner for Darren than he thought. He finished up a meeting with the property management firm around 5 o’clock then came straight home. Upon arriving, he found Sherry sitting in the old maid’s quarters off the side of the dining room. She rocked Gabriel gently, rubbing his head. She then mentioned to Darren that he’d just been burping.
Darren smiled, wanting to say so much to Sherry, but knew he needed to go about it the right way. He pulled a small chair from the corner and sat down next to Sherry. After several moments of silence, with the words “I feel like he’s mine” echoing in his mind still, Darren cleared his throat. “So, where did you give your son up for adoption? I wasn’t on that end, so I don’t really know about this, but can you look him up since he’s only still a baby? Do you even know if he’s been adopted yet? He could still be, you know, in one of those homes waiting or whatever.”
Sherry sighed, leaning over to bless Gabriel’s head with a motherly kiss. She then looked at Darren. “Well, I can’t be sure. I don’t remember exactly what the case worker said at this point, but I think it would be extremely difficult for them to unseal the records...at least for my reasoning, since it’s not a criminal case. Look,” she glanced down at Gabriel’s head, “I wanted to ask you did you adopt Gabriel in Chicago or when you got here?”
“When I got...” Darren said, his words trailing off. His face was flushed with confusion. He sighed, trying to process it all. Gabriel slept so peacefully in Sherry’s arms. “What are you trying to say, Sherry? Really, what are you trying to say?”
A tear strolled down the side of Sherry’s face. “I think...” She leaned forward, not being able to push the words out. “I think this beautiful child might be the child I gave up for adoption, Darren.” She sobbed briefly. “Sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I can’t be sure, of course, but there’s something about this kid. And he’s the same age as my baby boy would be by now.” She turned toward the window, looking out at a street light. “I could be his mother and I can’t even say for sure if I am or not. That’
s sad… It really shouldn’t be that way.”
Darren’s shook his head as he stood up then turned toward the bookcase. “How old was the child you had when you gave him up for adoption?”
Sherry sniffled. “Three days old.” Her head dropped. “My life was messed up and I walked into a adoption agency and just handed him over. I mean...really. I just handed him over. How could I do that?” She looked down into Gabriel’s precious face then turned toward Darren. “I really think he is the little boy I gave birth too.”
Darren looked at Gabriel. He saw things in his son’s face he hadn’t seen before. Reminiscing through the family photo albums and looking at his baby pictures was still fresh on his mind. Just like his mother and Aunt Carol said, baby Gabriel did indeed look like Darren. Quickly, the confused men approached Sherry. She stood up, cradling Gabriel in her arms.
“It’s okay, Sherry,” Darren said, hugging her. “Really, it’s okay. We can have paternity and maternity tests done to find out. Come on, let’s go put Gabriel up in his crib then we can talk about it.”
Sherry agreed then the two of them headed upstairs. Once Gabriel had been softly set back down in his crib, Sherry turned around and faced Darren. He wrapped his arm around her neck and pulled her closer, kissing the side of her head as she sobbed into his chest. Darren pulled his eyes away from the window and looked down into the crib. Could Gabriel really be my son? He then glanced down at Sherry’s head. And she’s the first woman I really ever loved.
When Sherry finally pulled her face away from Darren’s, she thanked him then turned around and looked into the crib. Darren’s arms were still wrapped around her mid-section. His holding her so closely made her feel safe at a time when she felt so vulnerable. Processing the events of her life in recent months, she didn’t think she’d feel so right after divulging everything. Then again, she sure as hell didn’t think she would coincidentally becoming the nanny to a baby boy that may very well be her own son.
“Since I started this job, there’s been something about this baby, Darren,” Sherry confessed.
Darren sighed, a light chuckle slipping up out of his throat. “Since you started this job, there’s been something about you.”
Sherry turned around to face Darren. “What do you mean?” She forced a smile, finally getting her emotions together. “Huh?”
Darren smiled and grabbed Sherry’s hand. “I mean the reason I hired you is because of the way you held Gabriel and cared for him from the very beginning. Ever since then, I’ve been watching you and it looks so natural...you treated him like a mother would treat their child, even though as far as I knew, you didn’t have one.”
Sherry chuckled. “Oh,” she said, smiling. “I only took care of him for three days, not to say it wasn’t an experience during those three days, but still...”