My heart aches at her words. She’s talking about a life I don’t have anymore, a version of myself that I had to sacrifice for my business. Much as I know I did the right thing, I know Mom won’t get it. I don’t even know how to explain it all to her. I’m going to have to leave some certain details out. The baby, for instance. I cannot tell her that.
“Me and Serena are no more, Mom, so it’s probably a good job you never met her.” I kick a stone on the floor as I speak. I feel childish and silly, but the booze has loosened my tongue slightly. “I don’t know what I was thinking with her really. It was obvious from the start that we were never going to be. We couldn’t last because we are just too different.”
“Oh, Ben.” Mom sounds sad for me now. I think there’s some pity there which I really don’t need. “Why do you always have to put the company first? If you’re having some troubles, hire some better management staff. Or scale back just a little bit, or even a lot, you can now. You’ve made more than enough money to live comfortably for the rest of your life. I don’t know why you can’t focus on other things now. It seems silly to me.”
I rub my forehead hard. “Mom, you don’t get it and you’re never going to get it. I work because I have to, I can’t have all these distractions. I’m young anyway, twenty eight years old, I don’t need to be thinking about girlfriends, or marriage, or babies...”
“Babies?” Shit, I’ve said the magic word and Mom has leapt on it. “Was there a baby in the picture? Ben, you better tell me if there was.”
I can’t tell her, but I can’t lie to her either, so instead I change the subject to get her off the phone. “Mom, I can’t talk about this right now. I’m in a business meeting like I said. Can we discuss it another time? Please?” I need her to listen, I’m desperate for her to just get it.
“I’ll come and visit you then, alright?” She’s giving in, thank goodness.
“Fine, whatever. See you then. Bye.”
Once I hang up the phone, my head falls into my hands. A deep wave of regret washes over me. I wish I could split myself into two different people; one to do the things that I need to do, the work, the business, taking care of the money, and one to do the things that I want to do. That version of me could be with Serena, could be a dad, and could just be happy.
Unfortunately, that’s simply impossible.
I scroll through the numbers in my phone, all ready to call her in my slightly drunken state, but before I do a symbol at the top of the screen catches my eye. The voice mail symbol. Loads of people have been calling me, it could be anyone. I decide to have a listen just as a moment of procrastination. Maybe I need a time out so I don’t do anything rash.
“Hi, Ben.” Holy fuck, it’s her on the other end of the voice mail. Instantly I sit up straighter and I run my hands through my hair. “I... I just went in for my ultrasound today, the one I text you about earlier.” Shit, I didn’t see that message, but I haven’t been looking at anything on my phone. I don’t know if I would’ve gone had I seen it though. That’s a bit too real. “And I know you don’t want to know, you’ve made that much obvious over and over again, but I think you deserve this bit of information. It’s twins.”
“Twins?” I mutter in shock as my cell phone clatters to the ground. Twins? I do have twins in my family, but none directly linked to me. I never thought that would happen, but Serena wouldn’t say that for attention, I’m sure of it. It’s a lie that could so easily be unravelled.
Now I’m not only having one baby. I’m having two.
“Shit, fucking hell.” I press my palms into my eyes, trying to work out what I’m going to do next. Now that it’s twins I definitely should step up, I should be a dad no matter what I think about it. I can’t leave Serena to do this by herself, what sort of man would that make me? Just because I grew up without a father, doesn’t mean my children need to do the same. My dad didn’t mean to leave me, I would be doing it on purpose, that’s the difference.
I need to go home, I have to sober up, then tomorrow it’s time to do the right thing.
So why the hell are my feet headed back into the bar?
“Fucking shots!” I yell to Kyle and the bar maid as soon as I get back inside. People turn to stare at me but I don’t care. “I need shots and lots of them. Keep them coming.”
“Oh if we’re getting shots we should go to CeeLow,” Kyle says excitedly. “Then we can have those sexy shot girls all around us, teasing us all night long.”
Maybe Serena doesn’t work there anymore, maybe after finding out about the baby she quit her job, but I can’t risk it. I don’t want to go anywhere that she might be. I don’t want to see her, and especially not now. I couldn’t face her, it’s all too much.
“No,” I growl angrily. “Let’s have shots here. It’s nice here and there are plenty of gorgeous chicks to keep us going.” I grab some faceless blonde girl next to me and plant a wet sloppy kiss on her lips. She squeals but with glee. She probably wants me. To prove what sort of man I am I also grab her friend and do the same. I don’t want anyone to get any funny ideas. “See, we can have all the fun right here. You want that, right?”
As Kyle agrees a little begrudgingly, I scan my eyes around. I need to find some chick worth burying myself in tonight – protected, of course, I will never make that mistake again! I need someone to help me forget...
“Ah, you are here,” a voice purrs. “What a surprise, it seems that the loved up Ben is gone and my Ben is back.”
Marie. Perfect. Just fucking perfect.
***
“Urgh, fucking hell,” I groan as my eyes slowly slide open. My head pounds, my stomach churns, I feel incredibly sensitive to everything. “What happened last night?”
“Don’t you remember?” A giggling voice replies, shocking me. I guess I’m not as alone in my bed as I thought I was which instantly spells trouble. “It was a whole lot of fun.”
Flashes come back to me, a lot of them involving Marie which isn’t good news. Going back to her would ensure that Serena never looked at me again. Not that I want her to, I just don’t want the possibility completely ruled out. Just in case. I don’t want Marie any more anyway, I decided that. I hope I haven’t gone back on my idea instantly. She’ll never damn well leave me alone ever again. I’ll create an even worse stalker than before.
“Yeah, it was amazing.”
Huh. Another voice. As I finally brave looking down into my bed I see a blonde and a girl with light brown hair lying there next to me, both very naked and both sexy as hell. It’s clear we had a threesome last night, which would normally be very awesome, I love a good threesome, but today leaves my brain foggy and my body a bit disgusted in myself.