As we sit and eat, the ghost of Dad hangs over us again. I can see it in Mom’s face and I’m sure that expression is mirrored in my own. We’ve never let go of him, and that shows every time we’re together. Maybe if I actually do progress my life forwards it’ll help us both to move on. Maybe...
***
I stare at my cell phone wondering who I should call to come out with me to the club tonight. I know I would only have to hit one of the buttons and whoever’s on the other end will come with me, all the people in my contacts list are yes men who want to spend time with me, but I’m not sure tonight that I want any of them. After the Kyle debacle last night where he wasn’t too nice about Serena and he called Jenny over to the table, I’m not sure I need that distraction. I just want to focus on Serena, so I can work out what this is between us.
Is it weird to go to the club by myself? I’m really not sure. I think once I sit down and I start drinking and chatting it’ll be alright, it’ll just be walking in that’s weird... but I’m a confident man, I could totally do that.
Yeah, screw it, I’ll go by myself.
I stuff my cell phone into my trouser pocket and undo my shirt. I know it’s the sort of club where looking smart is required, but I want to stand out. I want Serena to know that I’m not like the rest of them.
I grab one of my old faded band tee shirts and I shove it on under my shirt so the logo just about shows. It’s from my teenage years, when I was a grunger into rock music, so I’m surprised that it still fits over my now very muscular body, but it does so I’ll take that as a sign to just go for it.
As I stare at my reflection in the mirror, Mom’s words circle around in my brain. Her excitement for me to actually be with Serena has rubbed off on me. She tried her best for the rest of the afternoon not to keep mentioning it but it was as if the words kept falling out of her mouth regardless. She couldn’t stop herself from talking about ‘my mystery girl’. She even said that she wants to meet her, which is ridiculous. I mean, how quick does she think I want to go? Does she not know me at all? Does she not understand that if I do take that brave step it’ll be really hard for me to do so. I won’t be jumping in with both feet.
Right, stop getting freaked out, I tell myself with an eye roll. Just go see Serena, have some fun with her. Think of her as just a nice girl rather than someone who might become something.
I shake my head, refusing to look at myself any more and I leave my house. My home might not be too far away from Serena’s in distance, but in stature it’s the other end of the scale. She lives in a shared crappy apartment on a dodgy area, and I live in a huge town house, surrounded by other wealthy people.
We’re worlds apart, but not too different.
Usually I call a car to drive me to the club, I don’t like to walk, but tonight I think the fresh air might do me some good. I take a few, brisk, confident steps thinking that I will use the time to calm myself down... but then a better solution comes to me. In the car service I usually use they have a fully stocked bar. A few drinks will be so much better than walking.
Fuck it.
“Yo, Adam,” I say into the phone after hitting the first button in my speed dial list. Maybe having my car service as my most called number isn’t great, but I haven’t really thought about that until now. “I need a car, stat. Is that okay? From mine to CeeLow.”
“Sure. Someone will be with you in just a moment.”
I hang up the phone and take a few deep breaths. My eyes flicker upwards where I can see a few stars trying to make their way through the cracks. I’m sure in the countryside, maybe even in the small town where Serena grew up, there are endless stars in the sky. It probably looks beautiful, but it isn’t like that in the city. You have to sacrifice the stars to make it far in life. I wonder if Serena is happy with her decision...
I don’t know how she ended up as a shot girl, I don’t know why her friend suggested that job for her since it seems very awkward for her, but I’m glad that she did. Maybe that was meant to happen so we could meet one another, not that I’ve ever been one to believe in fate before. I don’t think that’s where she belongs though, I’m sure that there’s much more to her than that. Maybe that’s what I’ll try and find out tonight, what she wants from her life.
That’s not too heavy for a second date is it?
Is this a second date? Not really, but we did kiss and leave it there last night, so maybe. God, I am way out of my league here. This is unchartered territory for me, I honestly don’t know what I’m doing. I just really hope I don’t mess everything up.
As the car arrives, my heart is in my throat. I plaster a big smile across my face to hide that. I don’t want anyone to know how freaked out I am by all of this.
“Hey, Ben. Good to see you again. I have your favourite whiskey stocked in the back.”
I breathe out a sigh of relief. Whiskey sounds damn good right now. That’s what I need to get me through this. With a bit of Dutch courage, I’l
l be just fine. “You have no idea what that means to me, honestly you’re such a legend. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
Chapter Eight – Serena
Do I maybe feel a little more comfortable in my work attire today? As I twist my body from side to side I realise that maybe I don’t feel quite as self conscious as I did the last time I put this on. I don’t know if Ben is going to be there at the club tonight, but the thought that he might be is enough to have my whole body on fire, and why wouldn’t it after that kiss? My God that was irresistible. Even the memory of it now sends a shiver tearing up and down my spine. It was phenomenal, the way that his lips moved against mine had my heart absolutely racing at a million miles an hour. To be honest, it was enough to have me almost inviting him inside.
I think I’m glad that I didn’t though, because it still gives me that anticipation, the excitement for what might be to come. I’m not embarrassed, wondering if I was just a one night stand, I’m interested to see him again. I can’t wait to see where this whole thing might leave.
Oh my God, I can just feel it, that trickle racing through my veins. This is definitely it, this is what I’ve always been waiting for. I knew I had a better life waiting round the corner for me. It’s nice to be proven right.
“Oh my God!” Jenny’s screech from the living room drags my attention away from the mirror. I don’t know if she sounds excited or terrified. Either way I race into the room to see her standing there as white as a sheet. As soon as she spots me, her eyes light up. “Serena, oh my goodness, you will not believe it. You will not believe what’s just happened to me.”
“What? What happened? My heart is thumping in my chest, my head spins, I don’t know how I’m feeling anymore. “Jenny, please tell me.”
“Okay, so you remember how I applied for that cruise ship job to be a dancer?” I nod even though I know for sure that she definitely didn’t tell me that. I’ve been assuming that she’s happy being a shot girl, maybe I was wrong. “Well they’ve just called me in for this audition slash interview type thing tomorrow morning. Isn’t that amazing?”