Damn it, now I have to admit the truth. Maybe I shouldn’t have acted like that because it’s me left humiliated now. “Oh well, I don’t have a boyfriend at the moment. The last time I was really with someone was in high school and he was... well, not good for me.”
In reality, my crappy relationship with Luke in school is one of the reasons I keep away from guys now. It might sound silly but I trusted him with everything. I thought he was the one in a naïve and childish way. I loved his preppy look and cheeky smile so much that I would have given him everything. I liked him for a very long time before he even asked me out.
When he did, I thought it was the best
day of my life.
Things were going well for a while. The only issue I had was his popularity. He dragged me into his group of friends which meant I left all of mine behind, but I was too blinded to notice it. His friends were much more advanced than mine, into drinking and partying, into sleeping around without even thinking about it. It was in way over my head.
I didn’t want to cave, I didn’t want to become someone new for Luke but that happened eventually anyway. I let my school grades slip, I started partying, and eventually I slept with Luke. Then the very next day he broke up with me.
I lost my friends, my grades, my boyfriend, myself... all for someone who didn’t want me. Since then I’ve been on dates but if they aren’t Prince Charming they don’t get to stick around for long. I don’t have time for that. I cannot put my faith in someone unless I know for certain I can trust them.
“Yeah, I haven’t had many relationships either.”
As Ben answers me, I’m shocked. I would think that he has a different girl on his arm all the time... but maybe he does, he just doesn’t let them in. I might not have led that lifestyle myself, but I know there’s a big difference between sleeping with someone and letting them in.
“Wow, that’s... yeah. Erm, so when was your last relationship?”
“I didn’t know we’d changed the game around?” Ben chuckles at me. “I didn’t know it was okay for you to ask me questions... but since you want to know I had a girlfriend when I was twenty years old but it didn’t work out because I was a workaholic. I cared too much about my business and not her.”
“Oh. Right.” I don’t know what to say to that, maybe I shouldn’t have started asking anything. “I see.”
“So, my turn again.” He leans back in his chair and runs his eyes up and down my body. The stare is invasive, but weirdly I like it. It isn’t like me to want to be looked at, but there’s something about Ben’s gaze that makes me feel kinda sexy. Even my shoulders are rolled back as if I’m confident. “What are you normally dressed like? I can’t imagine you walk around like that all the time.”
“Oh I do,” I tease. “This is my clothing from home. It just happens to be right for the job.” I giggle playfully before giving him a real answer. “No, I’m usually in jeans and tee shirts. I would like to dress better but I can’t afford to. That’s why I’m here.”
Maybe that’s a bit too honest, but I’ve said it now. It’s out there. I would much rather him know that I’m here because I need the cash rather than him think I like it.
“Yeah, fair enough. I’m always in suits, I don’t know how to be casual. Maybe that’s my problem.”
Ring, ring... Ring, ring... Ring, ring...
I glance around, wondering where that noise is coming from. It can’t be me because I don’t have anywhere on my body to hold my cell phone. It’s safely locked in the work changing rooms along with everyone else’s.
“Is that your cell phone?” I ask Ben curiously. “It’s been going off for a while.”
“Oh is it?” As he pulls it out and he looks at the name on the screen, his expression falters. I already know that he’s about to leave me before he pushes his chair back. This is someone he needs to speak to. Thankfully because of the conversation I just had with Ben, I know it isn’t his wife. That would be really weird. “Hang on, I’ll be back in a moment.”
I watch him leave, admiring his butt as his quick steps move away from me. He’s damn gorgeous, and also the kindest person that I’ve met since I’ve been here. I’m not ready for him to go yet.
I stand awkwardly for a couple of moments at the edge of the table, but now that Ben is gone I can’t get away with sticking to this one table any longer. Jenny has pretty much got control of it, what with her flirting with Kyle like there’s no tomorrow.
I don’t want to go, but I’m going to have to if I want to make any money. Apparently the boss doesn’t like staff who stand around without doing anything, and I don’t want to get fired because of that on my first shift. I haven’t even made any tips yet. I need to at least give talking to other people a go.
I push my way back through the crowd when a man plants his big hand on my arm to pull me to his table. He has a thick Cuban cigar between his lips as if he wants to show how rich he is, and a group of men and a couple of young women who might possibly be escorts by his side.
“Yes, can I help you?” I ask through gritted teeth, trying to ignore the hot pain radiating through my forearm.
“Get us some drinks, love. That’s why you’re here isn’t it?” He laughs nastily with his friends. My eyes discretely turn towards Ben’s table because I miss him like crazy already. “Come on, we want a selection of vodkas.” He gives me a horrible look. “Well come on then, get to it. You aren’t thick are you? I haven’t grabbed the arm of someone stupid by mistake?” His eyes explore me, but it doesn’t feel anything like when Ben looked at me. I feel self conscious and uncomfortable all over again. “That would be a real shame since you aren’t even the hottest girl here.”
Tears sting the back of my eyes, I feel terrible. If this is what I will normally have to deal with then I don’t know if I’m strong enough to hack it. I can’t even argue back, this is definitely the sort of place where the customer is always right. I don’t think the asshole boss will like it if I start standing up for myself.
“Yes,” I whisper. “I’ll get your drinks for you. I’ll be back in a moment.”
Come back, Ben. I miss you so much! You’re the only person that I ever want to work with here. I need you.
Chapter Five – Ben