My heart thunders as I reach up to open the door, all the familiarity that I acquired last night flows out the window, but I stick on my brave face and I wander in confidently with my head held high.
“Oh, my goodness.” Mom races to my side with excitement. “You’re home. We were expecting you yesterday.” She gives me a smile, but it doesn’t touch me. Once upon a time I used to feel sorry for her because of the situation that she finds herself in. Now, I just blame her for being weak. She’s brought this on herself. There are so many times she could have stood up to him, so many ways she could’ve escaped his clutches. But she didn’t. “How are you doing, son? It’s so good to have you back. This house has been so quiet without you…”
“It won’t be for long,” I tell her right away so she knows. “I already have somewhere to live sorted.”
“Oh.” She furrows her eyebrows. “But what about the job your father has lined up for you…”
My shoulders immediately hunch up around my ears as a tension claims me. Why didn’t I see this coming? Now, I’ve walked right into my father’s controlling trap. He’s going to think that he has me now and that yet again, I’ll do whatever it is he wants, but this time I don’t have to. I have resources of my own. I’m a free man now, I’ve worked towards creating a foundation for myself, and thank God. I can escape.
“Hello, Zane.” Dad enters the hallway with that familiar smug look on his face. “It’s good to have you back.” He doesn’t need to give me shit about not coming home yesterday because in his mind he has something better. “I’m sure your mother has already told you that I have some important things to talk to you about.”
“Dad, I’m going to stop you right away.” I hold up my hands to highlight my point. “Whatever you think you’ve sorted out for me, I want it to stop. I did the college thing for you, and I don’t regret it one bit, but I am not doing whatever else it is that you want. I have my own plans, thank you very much.”
“But you’ve put in the hard work now. Why wouldn’t you want to reap the rewards of that? I’ve sorted you out an amazing opportunity, one that you won’t be able to get again. It’s very well paid.”
I roll my eyes and try to hold in a scream. I want to yell out with frustration, it’s really hard not to, but I’ll never get my point across if I act like a spoiled brat. That will backfire on me massively.
“Dad, I don’t care about the money, or the experience, or the opportunity. I’m grateful for all that you do for me, but I’ve tried it your way and I don’t like it. I want to branch out and do your own thing.”
“Your own thing?” He gives me a disgusted look. “What are you going to do? Ride your bike and tattoo other people? Or maybe you wish to venture into something wilder now like drug taking?”
“Don’t you ever say anything like that to me.” I can’t help it, I see red. I’ve spent my whole life being judged because of the way that I look. I don’t want that to come from the people who’ve raised me. That sucks. “You know that I’m not like that. You’re just saying that to hurt me. Actually, what I want to do is open up a custom bike shop and I’ve even sorted out all the details myself. You don’t need to have any involvement at all.”
“A custom bike shop?” The idea seems to amuse my father. “That’s the stupidest thing that I’ve ever heard in my entire life. Do you even hear yourself? I thought college would make you grow up, I thought you would come home a man finally, ready to do what’s right. I have never been so ashamed of you in my life.”
I look at Mom, waiting for her to say anything to stand up for me, but again she doesn’t. she flicks her eyes downwards lo
oking just as ashamed as him. I suppose this is the first and last meeting that I’ll ever have with them here. Once I turn my back and I walk out of here, I won’t come back. Fuck this, I’ve taken their shit for far too long. I don’t need it anymore. I am a man, and I’m a man of my own making, I won’t go into a mold.
“Well, thanks for that,” I reply with a snort. “It’s always, erm, good to see you guys. I’m off.”
I turn without looking back, and without a destination in mind. I’m going to make my life my own way and there isn’t a damn thing in hell that either of them can do about it.
Chapter Nineteen – Leah
I brush my hand along Patrick’s, trying desperately to find the spark. I know that it’s dulled compared to what I feel with Zane, but that’s because we have a history. I’m a teenager around him. I’m an adult with Patrick and I want to find the damn spark with him! It’s utterly frustrating that I’m getting a whole load of nothing.
“Are you okay?” Patrick asks me quietly. “Are you not enjoying this program? I can change it if you want.”
He seems to think that me touching him is an indication that I’m bored which is annoying. I mean, I am bored of this show, I’m not even watching it at all but that hardly matters. I know Patrick will want to watch it through to the end anyway. Once he gets into a box set, he prefers to watch it to the end even if it’s rubbish, even if he doesn’t like it. If he’s invested his time into anything, he has to see it through. That’s just the person he is.
“No, it’s okay. Leave it on.” I curl my knees up to my chest and I snuggle deeper under Patrick’s arm. It’s a warm and safe place to be, I do like it. “I’ve just missed you that’s all. It feels like it’s been a while.”
“We don’t usually see each other for this long. I wonder why you’ve missed me…”
As Patrick muses this, I roll my eyes to myself. Can’t he be a bit more romantic about things? Can’t he scoop me up in his arms and just tell me that he misses me too? Can’t he just… I don’t know do something, let me know how he feels. It feels like something is missing here and I don’t like it at all. I want to drag it out of us.
I cock my head up towards him and kiss me. I start off with a chaste touch of the lips but I soon hook my hand around the back of his neck and deepen it. I dart my tongue into his mouth and really amp things up. It feels good, I can sense a bit of a stirring in the pit of my stomach, maybe this isn’t as flat as I first thought…
I push myself up and swing one leg over Patrick as I get carried away. I roll my hips into his trying to give Patrick the idea that I’m really in the mood now. It’s time to forget about the television and to really get down and dirty. I need Patrick to drive himself into me hard and fast, to make me forget about anything, and more importantly anyone else. Just as I hook my fingers under his tee shirt, ready to take things to the next level, Patrick rests his hand on my chest and he pushes me backwards just a little bit. I can see confusion in his eyes, which instantly cools down all the burning that’s sizzling within me. I shrink in on myself and wait for him to speak.
“I didn’t think that you were enjoying this,” he says with a bland smile. “Let me turn it off.”
I slide backwards, trying to get off him but Patrick holds onto the back of my butt to keep me in place.
“What are you doing?” he murmurs. “Why do you think that you’re going anywhere?”
I feel torn. On the one hand, he sounds like he wants to actually have some fun with me, he’s even paused the box set for me, but on the other he’s doused my mood right down. I don’t know if I can get myself back to where I was. I’m embarrassed that he stopped me, I feel like he really killed the vibe, and it’s just because he had to pause the program that he’s been watching. He can’t even let go of his stickler routine for just a moment.