“Oh.” I force a fake smile onto my lips. “That’s cool. Real nice. Where did you get that done?”
She rambles on to me, explaining just how she got her tattoo done, but I barely pay any attention. Instead, my focus is on Brandon. He’s talking to someone, he has a drink in his hand, but he doesn’t look happy. The stress hasn’t gone anywhere. I feel bad for him, I wish I could do something to take this away from him. No, I don’t just wish. I’m going to actually try. Screw concentrating on my needs, I need to do something for him. Brandon’s presence has saved my life over and over again. It’s time for me to repay the favor.
“I have to go, Rosa,” I tell her, maybe a little coldly. Tonight, isn’t going to be the night. Maybe it won’t happen at all now. She’s shut my cock down with that tattoo rapidly and I don’t think it’s coming back up again any time soon. “I’ll see you a bit later on.”
I grab Brandon and I drag him outside, focusing on him instead of getting laid. I don’t think I’m really feeling it anyway. There’s a pool, we can go swimming, we can drink and have a laugh. We don’t even need to worry about anyone else. They can all just be background noise.
Chapter Three – Leah
“Urgh, Mr. Turner was a dick today, wasn’t he?” my best friend, Mandi, declares with an eye roll. “Does he not understand that no one in the world cares about maths, like he does? Honestly, what a douche bag!”
“Mmm, I know. Yeah.” To be honest, my problem with the day wasn’t any of the teachers, it was all the gossip that had been circulating all day long. Everyone was talking about the party last night and it wound me up. I couldn’t stand listening to it, especially since I hadn’t gotten any sleep. It cut me deep. No one had said much about Zane specifically, but I still didn’t like it. I’m not in their world, and it just reminds me that I need to move on. I don’t want to, there are so many reasons why I want to remain where I am because when it’s good it feels really good, but the bad parts are getting more painful and more regular. “Sure.”
Almost as if I’ve conjured him up by simply thinking about him, the rumble of a bike engine bursts loudly in the background. Without even thinking about my reaction, I spin rapidly and gasp as I see him. My heart instantly races at a million miles an hour, my body shudders and freaks out, I can barely stand, my legs are barely there.
Then, as if to make it worse, he skids his bike to the side of the road and he parks up next to me. Everything freezes as he lifts the helmet from his head, I can feel the breath getting stuck in my lungs.
“Hey there, little Hawkin,” he says with a playful smirk, killing me inside. “How’s it going?”
“Er, yeah good.” My entire face flames with a deep redness, which of course only makes me even more embarrassed. I can barely even look him in the eye as I speak. “How, erm, how was your day?”
I can feel myself stammering and making myself look like an idiot. It’s awful, why the hell can’t I be cool? Why can’t I be like the other girls in our class who are smooth and great at flirting? What is wrong with me? Especially when I’ve known this person for a very long time. I know Zane well, surely I should be okay?
“Oh, good. You know how it is.” Zane nods and scans his eyes over my head. “School is school.”
“You’ll be done with it soon. I bet you can’t wait?” I look up at him hopefully through my eyelashes as I finally find my voice. Not that I really know what I’m hoping for. “Then it’s out into the big wide world.”
“Yeah, I can’t wait.” He chuckles loudly. “It’ll be awesome to escape this madness. I think I’ll be over to yours in a bit after I’ve popped home, so I guess I’ll see you in a bit, yeah?” He rubs the top of my head, mussing up my hair in a gesture that’s a bit too friendly for my liking. Any attempt at flirting isn’t working, that much is clear. Not that I’m doing a good job of it anyway. “Good to see you, Little Hawkin. Always a pleasure.”
As he drives away, I feel myself stagger backwards with shock. My knees give out, my heart starts pumping again, hot blood races through my system. I can feel a burning heat in my ears, I’m a mess.
“Woah, are you okay?” Mandi c
huckles while hooking her hand under my arm. “You’re falling apart.”
“I… I know,” I gasp while clutching onto my chest trying to calm myself down. “You know how it is.”
Mandi is very aware of my crush on Zane, she’s the only one that I’ve been able to confide in. Even if my mom was around more, I wouldn’t be able to talk to her about it because she doesn’t like Zane. She thinks he’s a terrible person who brings danger with him. Of course, that’s only because she hasn’t bothered to get to know him. If she gave him the time of day, I’m sure she would fall for him just like everyone else does.
“Oh, Leah,” Mandi groans. “You still got the feels for him? When the hell are you going to do something about that? You have felt like this for as long as I can remember and it isn’t healthy. You need to learn to speak, to flirt with him, to let him know how you feel. This is going to kill you of you don’t.”
I moan, knowing that she’s right, but I also understand that I can’t. “You know for a fact that I would love to, but I don’t have the confidence. And it’s also Brandon. He would truly lose his shit.”
“Oh yeah… remember when Max called your house that day?” Mandi gasps. “He wanted help with his science homework and he ended up with a barrage of abuse from your brother. That was wild.”
I’d almost forgotten about that, it seems like it happened forever ago, but that did happen. Max wouldn’t speak to me for a very long time after that. I don’t know what Brandon said to him, but it freaked him out. I’m sure a fight would break out between him and Brandon if it came down to it. No one wants that to happen.
“So, you see why I can’t talk to him about this?” I ask her with an eyebrow cocked. “He would flip.”
Mandi nods slowly. “I suppose you’re right. He wouldn’t like it. But that doesn’t mean you should hold back forever. I mean, what if this is the guy that you’re supposed to end up with?”
I sigh loudly, only wishing that could be the case. The problem is if I allow myself to start delving down that fantasy route I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to pull myself out of it. I’ll start imagining weddings and children, I’ll start getting myself all kinds of upset when it doesn’t actually happen in the end.
“He’s just a fuck boy, isn’t he?” I try to avert the topic in the best way that I can. “He screws around. He isn’t a happy ever after type. Ruining things with Brandon for a fuck boy isn’t the best idea.”
“Even fuck boys can be turned into good guys if they’re given the right woman.”
I do not want to think about the right woman, so I hook my arm through hers and I drag her along with me.