“That works, too,” Dan said. “So you think he likes you as more than a friend with benefits?”
I shrugged. “I’m afraid to think about that,” I said, biting my lip. “He’s never…well, he’s never been with anyone like me before, at least, as far as I know. All of the girls hanging around look like supermodels.”
“So you’re self conscious?”
I told Dan what had happened outside of Alex’s apartment complex and he laughed.
“Oh, that doesn’t sound too bad,” he said. “She probably tried to ask him out and he said no and she’s irrationally offended. Don’t be upset, she probably would’ve done the same thing even if you looked exactly like her. Girls like that are used to getting what they want.”
“I hate girls like that,” I muttered. “They make me so mad. They’re so entitled.”
Dan shrugged. “They’re shallow, yeah,” he said. “But they’re probably just as insecure as you.”
I snorted loudly. “I don’t believe it for a second,” I said. “There’s no way anyone could be just as insecure as I am.”
Dan pulled out his phone and showed me a picture of a heartbreakingly pretty girl. She was pale with long dark hair that fell over her shoulders, a perfectly skinny frame, and cool clothes.
“That girl cried herself to sleep every night and starved herself for years because Mom called her fat,” Dan said gravely. “That’s my sister, Eleanor.”
“She’s beautiful,” I said.
Dan nodded. “Yep. She is. But she doesn’t think so.”
I frowned. Maybe Dan was right – maybe I did have a warped understanding of what it felt like to be normal. Still, the image of the blonde girl outside of Alex’s door doubled over with laughter made me feel like crawling under a rock and not coming out for years.
Dan and I chatted for another hour before I realized it was getting to be dinner time. We parted with a hug and I waited for the shuttle bus, sweating in the late afternoon heat. By the time I got home, Rebecca had the table set.
“I got your books,” I said, taking them from my bag and putting them on the table. “Sorry I’m late.”
Rebecca blushed. “They weren’t in an envelope?”
I shrugged. “Nope. Just had a rubber band around them.”
“Ugh,” Rebecca said. “I’ve told my professor that the people who work in the mailroom are such thieves, but I guess he didn’t care about getting his books stolen.” She stood up and quickly swept the books from the table and into her arms, blushing as she strode out of the room.
When she came back, she looked a little calmer. “Sorry,” Rebecca said. “I’m just hungry.”
“Well, I’m here now. We can eat.”
Rebecca set out the tortillas, ground beer, shredded cheese, sour cream, and lettuce. I loaded my plate and settled into my chair with a beer.
“This looks good,” I said appreciatively. “Thanks for putting all of this together.”
Rebecca nodded. “You’re welcome,” she said. “It’s been days since we ate together.”
“Yeah,” I said. Before I took a bite, I glanced up. “Hey, Rebecca?”
“Yeah?”
“Has Alex ever…has he ever had a girlfriend?”
“Not that I can recall,” Rebecca said. She narrowed her eyes. “You know him – he’s Mr. User. He only likes to sleep with girls. The only people I think he actually enjoys spending time with are the other firemen.”
“Oh.” I hadn’t exactly been expecting to hear different news, but I couldn’t lie – Rebecca’s unsettling words had put a knot in my stomach. I took a taco in my hands and took a bite, but the food tasted like ash in my mouth.
“Why? You want to be his girlfriend?” Rebecca laughed before I could reply. “Don’t get too hopeful, Molly. He’s not that kind of guy.” She shook her head.
“I don’t know what I want,” I said. I bit my lip and frowned. I didn’t like the direction this conversation was veering in, but I felt powerless to stop it.