Needing to set the mood, I pulled her even closer without caring that she would feel my half erection against her body. As her waist hit my crotch, her eyes widened and she bit her lip. A conflicted expression crossed her face. I leaned down and picked her up by the waist, letting her feet dangle as we swayed to the sound of the orchestra playing in the background. Her breathing was heavy against my neck and I buried my face in her hair, breathing in her sweet scent. I wanted another night of passion and lust. No, I needed another night of passion and lust and not with just anyone, with Casey. There might have been something going on in her head that I didn’t understand but at that moment, I didn’t care. All I cared about was making her feel wanted, sexy, and desirable.
As we swayed to the music, I could feel her suck in a deep breath and let it out hard. I feared she wasn’t feeling the same way as me but the way she clung tightly to my body, rubbing her lips against my neck, told a different story. I wasn’t sure what was wrong and I hoped I hadn’t done something to mess up this reunion already, though I didn’t see how I could have. Either way, I was going to enjoy having her in my arms until the song was over and then, hopefully, I would take her in my arms in my bed later tonight.
Chapter 4: Casey
This day has been nothing but a sea of raging emotions. I cry at weddings all the time but watching my best friend marry the love of her life, an amazing and extremely handsome fireman, I am simply beside myself. I watched their relationship grow over the years and I knew from their first real date that there was no going back for Miss Natalie. This guy swept her off her feet so fast I didn’t think she would ever touch back down. The way he protected her, respected her, and cherished her was something rarely found in today’s world. Seeing them together was perfect and it g
ave me hope that one day, I’d be just as happy.
On top of all that, the man I spent five long years pining for, finally surfaced and was back on my radar. I knew he was going to be here. He is Natalie’s only brother, so it would have been strange for him not to come. Still, my memory did not do him justice and when he flashed that damn smile at me from across the church, I almost collapsed right there in the aisle. I told myself over and over again that I needed to relax. It had been five years since we saw each other, there was no way he was going to be interested in me now. Just in case he was, I gave myself strict instructions to keep my distance. Things became very different in my life after he left and I knew I couldn’t just welcome him back with open arms, or legs for that matter. Then, he looked at me with those deep blue eyes and I’m pinned, unable to move, or even breathe. I’m right back where I was, completely vulnerable to his charms.
I was strong. I learned so much over the last five years but it was like all it disappeared with just one look from Dex. I didn’t know whether to be angry at myself or just accept that I was human and this was bound to happen. Either way, I knew I had to keep my wits about me and not give into him like I did last time. It was easier said than done as I hung from his neck, my face buried in his shoulder, and his arms wrapped tightly around me. I kept sighing to keep myself from bursting into tears, everything was very overwhelming. His scent was so familiar, like we were back on that couch underneath the pale twinkling Christmas lights, downing hazelnut liqueur and throwing caution to the wind. The feeling of his skin on mine was still fresh in my mind and just being close to him, his hips against me, an obvious erection in his pants, was so tantalizing I could barely take it. However, knowing where our first encounter led, I knew I had the willpower to resist.
As the song slowly came to an end, Dex held on to me, squeezing me tightly and breathing into my neck. I took a deep breath as he set me down gently on the ground. I looked up into his big blue eyes. He could tell something was wrong but I didn’t say a word. I smiled and turned to leave. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t talk, I just needed some space, and fast. He watched me shuffle off toward the bathroom, holding my hand against my chest. I didn’t know how to explain any of this to him. I rounded the corner and walked straight into the bathroom, stopping and gathering myself as I watched Natalie struggling with her dress. She looked up at me and smiled, breaking into a giggle. Just the sound of my best friend’s laugh made me feel better.
“What in the world are you doing?” I asked, looking at her twisted gown.
“I had to pee and no one was here to help so I stepped out of my dress for a minute to go. Now I can’t get it zipped.” She laughed, leaning against the wall and sweating slightly.
“Oh my god.” I burst into laughter. “You are a mess.”
I walked over and pulled her to her feet, turning her and straightening the gown while I connected the hooks she had somehow completely screwed up. I looked in the mirror as I pulled the zipper back up and tucked in the ribbons. She looked so happy and I didn’t want to ruin it but I needed to talk to someone.
“Your brother and I had a dance,” I said quietly.
“I know, I saw you,” she said, smirking.
“It's confusing,” I replied. “He’s been gone so long but it feels like he never left.”
“Are you okay?”
“Me? Yeah,” I said but it was a lie. “I mean sure. Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Are you going to tell him about Seth?” I looked up at her as the words came out of her mouth, too shocked to even try and hide it. I came up with a full-proof lie about who Seth’s father was, how I got pregnant, the whole nine yards. I guess I should have realized I wouldn’t be able to keep it from Natalie, she knew me too well.
“I, how did you…no,” I finally stammered. “I mean, how would I even start that conversation? And God what if Seth was the one who got hurt? I’m not saying your brother is a bad guy but that is heavy and I just can’t take the chance of having him tell Seth, get close, and then leave again. Maybe when Seth is older.”
I leaned against the bathroom sink and took in a deep breath. How did everything get so complicated so fast? I came out here to celebrate my best friend’s marriage and I ended up having to face the thing I feared the most. I knew it was wrong to lie to Dex but we had made love once. It was my first time and then BAM, there I was with this adorable little person who I loved more than my own life. He was perfect in every way and I was terrified that Dex would somehow hurt him.
“I’m not saying my brother is a saint by any means,” Natalie said, holding my hand. “All I’m saying is he deserves to know. I will never say a word but I think that you should tell him eventually. At least promise me you’ll think about it.”
I nodded my head yes and closed my eyes as Natalie leaned in and kissed me on the cheek. She straightened her hair and wiped the sweat from her forehead before walking out of the bathroom. I stood there staring down at my hands, thinking about my little man at home with my mom. He was the best thing that ever happened to me and I would never want to see him hurt, or worse. What if Dex tried to take him from me? I could never let that happen. I had no misconceptions about Dex, I knew he was a billionaire businessman who traveled the world, lived freely, and had never been known to settle down. There was no doubt in my mind that he would want to know but I didn’t think for a second he would fall to his knees and pledge his loyalty to us.
Seth lived in a different world than Dex. Seth’s was a world of bedtimes, cartoons, his drawings of buildings, and all the love he could handle from me and my mom. Dex lived in a world of penthouses, expensive cars, limos and the best clothes money could buy. It would be so confusing for Seth to be thrust into that world, possibly without the only two people he knew loved and cared for him. I didn’t know what to do but I knew I couldn’t go back out there and face Dex again, it was too dangerous for me. One look from those sultry eyes and he would have me right where he wanted. I would be putty in his capable hands.
I looked down at my watch and realized it was close to the time Natalie and Brandon would be heading off to their hotel for the night. If I left then, she wouldn’t even notice, especially with the ridiculous amount of pomp and circumstance that was going on. I couldn’t go back out there, not even to say goodbye. I grabbed my purse and turned, looking at my reflection in the mirror. I looked beautiful, just like a rich girl with her expensive gown and perfect makeup. The only problem was, I wasn’t that girl and never would be. I grew up a fallen police officer’s daughter, born and raised in Brooklyn, and destined for single motherhood. I was okay with that because I knew I could give Seth the love he deserved.
Things may have been complicated in my head because I knew the truth, I lived with that night every day since then, watching as it grew and blossomed into an adorable little boy, but for Dex, it was nothing more than rekindling an old flame. If I were to hide it and give in to his blue eyes, sexy body, and incredible charm, I knew, in the end, I would be left alone and broken, just like I was when he left last time. I couldn’t keep do this to myself again, it was too much.
I breathed deeply and nodded at myself in the mirror, gathering the strength I needed to unglue my feet from the bathroom floor. Shoving my clutch under my arm, I walked slowly out of the bathroom, peeking around the corner to make sure the coast was clear. Dex was sitting alone at his table, looking around for me, his gorgeous smile wiped from his face. He had to be wondering why I ran off and where I went, which was something I had to let go of. I turned the other direction and slipped into the shadows of the yard, making my way toward the parking lot. I would take a car back to the hotel for the night and then, I would bolt out to the city before anyone even noticed I was gone. I missed Seth and I wanted the comfort of my home and my family.
I stood at the side of the car watching as Natalie and Brandon came through the front doors holding hands and being followed by the whole of the reception. They laughed and waved as they dodged t
he wall of bubbles being blown in their direction. I smiled, knowing my best friend had found something I wasn’t sure I ever would. As they drove off, streaming sparkling lights shot up from the fireworks that lined the driveway. It was really beautiful and I could see Dex standing in the drive watching, his hands in his pockets, his bow tie hanging untied around his neck, and the glow of the fireworks casting shadows across his face. I wondered if that was what Seth would look like when he grew up, strong and sure with a lost look in the corner of his eye.
I took in a deep breath and ducked down into the car, asking the driver to wait until everyone went inside. I watched as Dex looked around the crowd, scratched his head and kicked at the ground beneath him. It wasn’t very ladylike for me to just run off without a word but I knew if I got anywhere near him, I would fall right into his arms. The last thing I needed in my life was to be heartbroken all over again. I told myself it was the right decision to make. I nodded to the driver who put the car in drive and pulled down the driveway.
I was making the right decision, that much I knew, but it was really hard to convince myself of that.