Chapter Two
Molly
The next day, I took more care than usual with my appearance. Instead of my usual plus-size jeans and flowy peasant top, I put on a cute sundress with sandals. Rebecca showed me how to do a cat-eye with liquid liner, and after the fifth or sixth try, I actually got it to work. With a quick coat of mascara and some lip gloss, I felt like I actually looked cute for once.
I’ve always been fat. I don’t know what it is – Mom never had junk food lying around, and I never had problems with hiding candy. But a bad metabolism runs in my family. It was manageable when I was younger, but at twenty-two and two hundred and ninety pounds, I felt like a whale. It was easily the number one reason why I’d never tried to date. I saw other big girls in relationships, seemingly happy ones. But I could never work up the confidence – I knew that being rejected would absolutely shatter me and what was left of my self-esteem.
Unlike
me, Rebecca was slender and slim. Yet she never tried dating either, she was too shy. In our senior year of college, she got drunk at a party and had sex with a guy in her anthropology class. She said it didn’t live up to the hype – that it felt “okay” but not amazing, and that he was too selfish to help her orgasm after she finished. She slept with him a few more times, but broke it off before he ever asked her out on a real date. The whole experience didn’t exactly fill me with anticipation, even if I was obviously jealous of Rebecca’s foray into sexual awakening.
After getting dressed, I had a light breakfast of cottage cheese and a hardboiled egg, then packed my lunch and set off towards campus. I had butterflies in my stomach about Dan, even though I knew it was stupid. I didn’t even like him – why was I so afraid of being rejected? It was completely dumb.
It’s because I’m dumb, I lamented as I climbed onto the shuttle bus that took me the short distance from the apartment I shared with Rebecca to the university where we studied library science. It’s because I’m a dumb fat girl and I won’t ever know what it feels like to fall in love.
The bus was late, and I had to run, breaking into a sweat and ruining my hair as I darted into the building. Class had already begun and I slid into a seat at the front, determined not to look at Dan.
The minutes dragged by. By the time class was over, I was shaking and sweating with my own fear. Finally, the professor called things to a close and gave us all our assignments for the next class. Swallowing hard, I stood up and waited awkwardly by the door.
“Hi, Molly,” Dan said. He smiled at me. “Are you okay?”
“Um, yeah,” I said, shifting my weight from one foot to the other and biting my lip. “I was wondering if you’d want to get coffee sometime.”
Dan laughed. It sounded nervous to me. “I don’t drink coffee,” he said.
“Oh.”
“But I like tea.”
“Tea is fine,” I said quickly. I smiled. “Thanks!” Turning on my heel, I started walking away.
“Hey, Molly!”
Turning around, I flushed when I saw Dan with his arms crossed over his chest. “Don’t you want my number?”
“Oh my god, I’m so stupid,” I said, darting back to Dan’s side. “Yeah. I’m sorry. You can just put in my phone and I’ll text you.”
I handed my phone over, cringing internally when Dan chuckled at my bright pink phone case. He carefully typed in his number, then handed it back to me. I slipped it in my pocket.
“Okay,” I said. “Um, Friday works for me. What about you?”
“Friday’s no good,” Dan said. “What about tomorrow? Do you have any classes?”
I nodded. “I’m free at four,” I said. “What about you?”
“Me, too. Let’s meet at the student union,” Dan said. “We can always go to Port City Java.”
“Okay. That sounds good.”
Dan nodded. To my relief, he smiled again. “Yeah,” he said. “See you then.”
As I waited for the bus, I tried to untangle my emotions. I wondered how I should be feeling – happy? Relieved? Excited? Some combination of all three.
When I got home, Rebecca was in the kitchen. “Hey!” She yelled. “How did it go?”
“He said yes,” I said. I couldn’t help breaking into a wide smile. “I can’t believe it, but we’re getting coffee tomorrow!”
Rebecca’s eyes went wide. “Wow, tomorrow? You move fast,” she said. “That’s awesome!”