I made myself a promise, then and there, that no matter what decision Cameron made, or even if I never saw him again, I would always tell Lily the beautiful things I saw in him. I would try to help her see him the way that I did in my head. When she got older, I would explain everything else. I hoped that it wasn’t going to be necessary, though. I hoped that Cameron would be there to show her himself how amazing of a man he was. I hoped that when I showed up on New Year’s, that everything wasn’t lost.
Chapter 25
A Couple of Days After Christmas
Cameron
I thought that when I got back to Aspen, my life would feel right again, but after spending Christmas with Glen drinking at the bar, thinking about what I was doing a year before, I realized the magic of the place had more to do with Bea than anything else. The days after Christmas had been long, too, wondering if she would show up, wondering what I would do if she did, or if she didn’t. My mind was better than it was in Utah, but I still sat around, alone in my room after work, thinking about Bea. I had gone several other places in Colorado after I missed her in Aspen, but I couldn’t even find a trail for her before it was time to get back to work. From then on out, I had just gone through the motions, working hard to relieve the stress from Glen, and spending most of my time alone. I would wake before anyone else, just to listen to the silence of the mountain.
I looked over at Glen who was sitting at the
bar, laughing and talking with some of the other guys that worked there. This year wasn’t quite as packed as the year before, but the resort was still seeing almost record numbers. Our classes stayed steady, which made me happy. I didn’t like the downtime anymore. I liked to stay busy and ready. I had even considered coming up with a special on Christmas for Christmas Day skiers so that I could stay busy that day, too, but I felt bad because Glen purposely didn’t go home so that I wouldn’t have to be alone. We had some drinks, watched some football, and sat down at the restaurant for a good meal. I almost laughed to myself as I sat there, surrounded by the old couples eating their Christmas dinners without family as well. Had I reached my senility already?
The rest of my time there would be miserable, especially if Bea decided not to show up. I thought about what she was doing, about how her life may have changed over the course of the last year. I hoped that she had held onto me as strongly as I did her. I had a hope, knowing she had gone to Aspen trying to find information on me. I knew that she hadn’t given up by that point, so maybe she pulled through the rest of the year like I had. Either way, New Year’s was going to be nerve-wracking at best.
“So, have you figured out what your big plans for New Years are yet?” Glen asked.
“Um, a bottle of Jack and some bad television,” I said looking over at Glen, sitting at the bar. “I haven’t put much thought into it.”
“Are you sure you’re okay with me leaving?” he asked. “I can always fly my girlfriend out here.”
“Will you stop? It’s not like I am homicidal or suicidal, or even depressed for that matter.” I chuckled. “You have waited an entire year to ring in the New Year with a really great girl that has stood by your side, even though you decided to stay on with this job. Go home and be with her. You are a very lucky man for having something that fantastic.”
“Why don’t you come with me?”
“No.” I laughed. “You know I don’t do the whole family thing. Besides, I’ll be the third, grumpy wheel, and no one wants the third, grumpy wheel.”
I forced a smile to let Glen know that he was free to live his own life, and that I didn’t want my sad love story to affect his. I did know one thing. Something had to give. I couldn’t continue to live my life one step at a time, hoping that Bea was just around the corner. Everything I did, she was just outside my mind, waiting for that quiet moment to hit when I had nothing else to focus on. I hadn’t ever been this locked up over a girl, and I had to admit that it was kind of exhausting. I had many opportunities over the last year to pick up some really sexy women, but I just wasn’t interested. I felt like Glen did a year ago, when all he could think of was a different life, and the women that hit on him made no impact whatsoever. He was a really good friend, and I was really glad he was able to work things out with his ex-girlfriend. She was the one that had haunted him for years, just like Bea was doing to me.
“Have you heard anything about Bea yet?” he asked, knowing she was always on my mind.
“No.” I sighed. “Brian has been checking the guest check-ins every day, looking for her name or Hailey’s, but so far, nothing.”
“You think she will come?”
“I don’t know anymore,” I said. “Sometimes, I think that I’m on the wrong side of one-way emotions. I’ve told myself that I needed to hope for the best, but expect the worst. That way, I won’t be too crushed when I ring in the New Year on my own.”
“Well, I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you,” he said, smiling and drinking the last of his whiskey. “All right, man. If you need me, call me. I’m heading out to the airport. I’ll see you on the flight to Utah after this, okay?”
“Yep, and try to have a blast,” I said, smiling. “You deserve all the happiness in the world.”
“Thanks, man, and let me know if she shows up,” he said, smiling. “You are a good man, and she would be stupid not to. Only this time, don’t let her get away again, okay? I can’t take another year of your moping ass.”
“Get out of here.” I laughed turning back toward the bar.
Everything in me hoped that Bea would come back and be there on New Year’s Eve, just like she said she would. My entire year had been spent drowning in thoughts of spending another year lost in visions of this woman. Everything I had done, every lonely night, every drink of whiskey had, in reality, been me just trying to get through the days until New Year’s Eve again. It wasn’t until I arrived in Aspen and it all started to become reality that I was starting to question whether she would actually show up or not. I didn’t want to think that she had suffered like I had for the last year. It had been miserable. At the same time, though, I would give anything to have her walk through the doors just like she had done the first time I had laid eyes on her.
I would survive if she didn’t show up, but I knew that I would have to start picking up the pieces at that point. I couldn’t go the rest of my life waiting for a woman that didn’t want me. I had to pledge to myself that if she didn’t show up, I would pick myself up and move on, trying to find the man I was before I ever met Bea. I would wish her best and send those vibes across the mountains, but then, I would close the book.
“How you been holding up?” Brian was behind the bar, just like the year before.
“Oh, you know,” I said, drinking my beer. “Working, self-loathing, searching for Bea with no luck whatsoever, and hoping that she shows up this year like she said she would. That has pretty much been my entire year. Not one of the better ones, if you ask me.”
“I’m sorry you are going through this,” he said. “I know how it feels, and it isn’t pleasant.”
“With Hailey?”
“No,” he scoffed. “I knew Hailey was a wild card from the beginning. Our relationship was a bit more carnal than it ever was emotional. She was really cool, but not my long-term cup of tea. No, I meant my high-school sweetheart. We spent Valentine’s Day together last year, had an amazing time, and then she went back to school. We haven’t spoken since then, trying to keep separate lives since she is in college on the other side of the country. Every day, I wake up, and I think about that amazing night.”