I run my fingers through my bouncy curls and smile at myself. “I have to admit that I look good, Ivy, but I don’t know that I am going to slay anything tonight. And I don’t know if what happened with Pete classes as a ‘break up’ exactly. We weren’t even together for that long. It just sort of… fizzled out.”
It always fizzles out. That’s part of the problem. I don’t know if it’s me or them, I guess it has to be me since I’m the common denominator, but it always falls apart. There isn’t enough glue to hold us together. There isn’t enough spark to make it last, and Pete was just another victim of that. I only decided to message him because it’s been a couple of weeks, not because I actually wanted to spend time with him, and I wasn’t even hurt when he told me that he met someone else. It was more just disappointment that I failed again. I am going to end up alone if I’m not careful. Single forever. One of those old maids who has a bunch of freaking cats because she can’t find someone to spend her life with.
Urgh, but then I don’t want to be the sort of person who thinks I need love to make me happy either. I am okay just being by myself. That’s why I left my job at the local beautician company to start up my own business, and why I’m pushing to make my very own make up line work. I might not be where a lot of twenty six year old’s find themselves romantically, but I am doing well in my career. Or I would like to think so anyway. I’m getting there.
“So, what’s next for you anyway, Darcy?” Ivy asks as she begins to pack away her equipment. “Now that Pete is out of the picture, where do you see yourself going? Back on the apps?”
“Urgh, no.” I shake my head hard, my curls flickering around my face as I do, giving me a little bit of much needed confidence. “No way. No more dating for me for a while. I’m done. I need to start getting my makeup line out in the public eye a bit more anyway. I haven’t been as “on it” as I would like to be.”
I actually need to make a lot of changes in my life, and I need to do it soon before I slip back happily into the rut that I have been in for far too long. The ‘break up’ can at least do that for me.
I make a mental list inside of my head of where I want to begin, and it definitely starts with my living situation. I know that quitting my job hasn’t helped me with this, but being twenty six, and still sleeping under the roof of my over protective parents was never in my life plan. When I was a teenager, I used to dream about breaking free as soon as I got the chance because I didn’t want to be under their rules for longer than I needed to… but I wasn’t thinking about money then. I didn’t think about the hardship and bills of living alone.
And now, I’m the only tragic one I know that can’t live anywhere else. I haven’t done myself any favors by starting this make up line, and Mom keeps using it as just another thing to hold over my head. She thinks that I would be better off getting my ‘head out of the clouds’ and working in a ‘proper job’. No wonder it’s hard for me to get motivated and keep going. She might only want what’s best for me, but she’s hard to live with.
I almost want to move out of this town completely the moment that I can afford to do so, to start fresh, but it’s hard when everything that I have is here. All the friends that I once had, have moved on with their own very successful lives, and have forgotten about me. The only real friend that I have here is Ivy. She isn’t a friend from high school, but someone who came afterwards. I met her through the beauty business, and now I don’t know what I would do without her. She’s been my rock… especially at times like this, and I don’t know who else I can turn to. Ivy will keep the hairdressing salon open for me, to do my hair, and give me a boost. This time, I need to make this boost work for me.
Then, once I have myself a bit more established, I can start finding all the other jigsaw pieces of my life and put them together. I will get a full picture eventually. I just need to work at it, that’s all.
“Well, it’s a shame that you don’t want to date…” Ivy continues with a tone of voice that instantly puts me on edge. I already know that she’s up to something, I just don’t know what. “Because Adam has just got a new employee working for him, and he mentioned that this could be a good set up for you.”
Oh God. Much as I love Ivy’s long term, live in boyfriend, Adam, I have experienced a date with a guy that he thought would be ‘good for me’ before, and it ended in disaster. Michael was rude and I don’t think Adam even noticed, plus he was completely sexist. I got the impression that he was after an old fashioned housewife who would live to serve his every damn need… the funny thing is he’s married now and I’m still me.
“A new employee, huh?” I ask, just a little bit intrigued. “Have you met him? What is he like?”
“I haven’t met him myself, but his name is Harry and he’s almost thirty, so not just a fuck boy after one thing. I definitely don’t think you need that right now.” Well, she’s certainly right about that one. “And Adam says he’s got a good sense of humor. Not like Mike, or whatever his name was.”
“Okay.” I know that Ivy won’t stop until she has what she wants anyway, so I might as well save myself the hassle and agree. “I will go on the date. As long as it’s a double date and you guys are there too.”
“Ooh, I love that plan.” Ivy claps her hands together in excitement. “A double date. So much fun. Shall I set it up for the weekend? Make sure no one has to get up early for work the next day.”
I know what she’s trying to suggest by that, but she’s very wrong. I might be a bit of a bore when it comes to that sort of thing, but I will never have sex on a first date. That just isn’t me. I was always known as a ‘good girl’ in high school and I guess that has stuck. I would rather have feelings for someone before I get physical with them, that they aren’t just using me.
But I don’t need to defend myself and my choices right now, so I toss my head back and laugh along with Ivy’s suggestion instead. “Sure, sure, sounds good, Ivy. Why the hell not, hey? And Friday is only in two days, so that leaves me nowhere near enough time to get myself all panicked about it.”
“Ooh, and maybe you can even take Harry to the Christmas carnival if you get along. It would be awesome to have a nice date to the biggest event that this glorious little town holds for everyone.”
I can’t make myself laugh at this, because the Christmas carnival isn’t something that I am particularly keen on these days. When we first moved here when I had just turned thirteen years old, I thought that it was the coolest thing ever, and I looked forward to it ever year, especially since I always attended it Seth Bishop, my next door neighbor, best friend, and crush. It became a staple day in our friendship, and something that always meant a lot to me. I couldn’t explain it, but it felt like every year, at the carnival, we got that little bit closer to one another. I had a feeling that one day it would seal the romantic fate that was destined to come our way…
And six years ago, I was proven right. It finally happened. We shared the most magical kiss ever, under the carnival fireworks, reminding me of every romantic movie that I had ever seen. I was finally the heroine, the best friend turned lover, and I knew that I was heading to my happy ever after at last.
After the kiss, Seth walked me home and dropped me off at my front door, where we kissed again. I peered behind the curtain and watched him go inside with my heart singing with joy. All I could see was the romantic life that we had ahead of us. The love, marriage, the family, all of it. I guess I got carried away with myself, but it just felt so real. In fact, I spent so much time thinking about it, that I couldn’t get to sleep until the early hours of the morning, which of course meant that I woke up late. After lunch time, I got dressed in a hurry and raced over to see Seth, excited to see how he was feeling the morning after… just to be told by his father that he had to take an early morning flight to LA for an acting job. I was happy for him of course, that was his dream, but a little sad that he didn’t say goodbye. Still, I figured that I would see him soon enough once the job was over. But I didn’t. Not that week, month, or even year. He didn’t even bother to message me or anything, and I was far too embarrassed to make the first move to contact him.
I had to accept that he ghosted me, the kiss didn’t mean anything, and I was silly for being in love with him. He was becoming a super star anyway, a famous actor, and he has since been known to date all of the best looking women around. Like actual super models. No wonder I got left behind…
Perhaps this Harry will be the one to help me get over that heart ache at last. Maybe taking him to the Christmas carnival will help to cleanse the pain that Seth left behind when he left. I haven’t wanted to make memories there with anyone else, but it’s been six years and it might be time. Time to finally let go of the past. Clinging to it hasn’t exactly done me any favors, has it? And it isn’t like he’s in Hollywood wondering about me. The Seth Bishop that I once knew and loved, is long gone.
“Sure, why not?” I shrug and smile at Ivy. “I mean, anything can happen, can’t it?”