“Lexi, don’t tell me a lie. If you aren’t okay, just tell me. Don’t keep it inside. You know I need to hear about the real world because it takes me away from here for a while.”
I can’t help but half laugh at this. “I know that’s what you want, but I haven’t been in the real world for a while. I’ve just been locked away in my motel room, avoiding everyone as much as I can.”
“So… nothing more has happened with Isaac then? That’s a shame…”
“I know, but you know why I had to walk away from him. He can’t fall out with his family over me.”
“Why not?” Jane sounds shocked, even though I have said this to her before. “Because family is so important? Yeah, I get that. But also, life is too short not to be happy.”
Hmm, I suppose that’s another lesson that I can take from this. Life is short and I should grab happiness. But I have created the distance now and I haven’t contacted him since. I might have made a mess of this…
“Look, I just don’t think that you should take on the opinions of other people,” Jane continues. “You are good together, I really like him, he’s a good guy. Plus, you’re having a baby together. What about your family?”
“My baby will be okay,” I pout a little childishly. “He or she will have me and Auntie Jane.”
I haven’t given up on that dream, however much Jane always shuts down whenever I say it. I am determined for her to be around when my baby comes into the world. I have this dream in my head of her holding my baby and playing with him or her, being the best auntie ever. I don’t want anything else… or a lot else…
“Have you even spoken to Isaac? Where is his head at?”
“No, like I said, I locked myself away. I don’t want to think too much about it right now.”
“Ooh, you’re so stubborn,” Jane laughs. “You always have been.”
This leads to us reminiscing deep into the past, which is a much safer topic. I love talking to Jane about our youth, about the times when our life was amazing, before it all got complicated, and right now, we both need to distraction. As Jane talks, her eyes light up and she looks like her old self again, like the girl in the picture hanging up in my apartment. I love it, it makes me feel younger and happier. I cup my belly the entire time, allowing the love to flow to my baby. I hope Jane’s voice is making its way into my womb so my baby can hear her… not that I’m giving up on my dream of her meeting my child and making a full turn around.
“Oh, look at the time,” Jane suddenly says. “I have to go into treatment in a moment.”
“Oh right, well I will come back and see you afterwards, is that okay?”
“Sure, sure. The usual time should be about right.” She smiles. “I look forward to it.”
“I’ll try and have a nap,” I lie knowing that isn’t possible. “So, I look a bit better.”
“I personally think that you should spend the time calling Isaac and making things up with him.”
I smile at her and nod. “I know that’s what you think.”
She grabs my hand and won’t let me go for a little while longer while she gives me a serious look. “Lexi, he made you so happy. I want you to be happy. He loves you so much. I want you to be loved. I know that it might feel complicated, but it doesn’t have to be that way. It’s just you, Isaac, and the baby.”
“I love you, Jane,” I say thickly through the tears. “You are so wise.”
She leans forward and I lean down to meet her so we can hug and kiss each other’s cheeks. “I love you too, Lexi. You are the best sister that I ever could have asked for. Now, get out of here. I will see you soon.”
I do as she commands, laughing through the thick emotion, and I pause by the door of her hospital room for a couple of moments to just watch her. She pulls out her phone and stares at the screen, looking so beautiful as the light makes her face glow. I touch the window, wishing that I could touch her too, but I will just have to wait. At least I can see her later on and we can have more time together then.
Ring, ring… Ring, ring… Ring, ring…
At f
irst it seems like the ringing sound is coming from inside my own head, but as I stir myself awake, from a nap that I didn’t think I would be able to have, I realize that it’s my cell phone.
“Shit.” It’s probably Jane wondering where the hell I am. I just laid down on the bed for a moment. I don’t know how long I have actually been asleep for. This is a nightmare. “Shit, shit, shit.”
“He… hello?” I gush into the handset, not even bothering to look at the number on the screen.
“Is this Lexi Tyler?” a strange, stilted voice replies.
“Er, yes. Who is this please?” I don’t know why, but this voice gives me chills.