“But your heart isn’t in it? Is it?” She cocks her head to one side. “You want something else.”
I narrow my eyes at her. “I haven’t told you that, have I? I don’t tell anyone that.”
“No, but I can see it in your eyes. You’re good at it, but you don’t love it.”
I need to turn the tables around, so the focus isn’t all on me. “You’re a good PA, but it isn’t your dream.”
“No, but I need a job and I don’t have the resources that you do for more. You could do whatever you wanted. So, I’m wondering why you stay here. Is it just to please your father?”
I shrug, suddenly uncomfortable. “It’s what my father has always wanted for me.”
“But he isn’t the one living your life, is he? You are. So, you should do what makes you happy. Life is short, you shouldn’t spend it doing what other people want of you. It isn’t fair.”
I shuffle, a little uncomfortable with how accurate this is. It’s like Lexi can see through me in ways that scare me. “Don’t you do things that your parents expect of you? It isn’t always easy.”
“I don’t have a father,” she stuns me by saying in a blunt and honest way. “Well, I suppose I must have a father, I wouldn’t be here otherwise, but he hasn’t ever been around. And my mother…” She sucks in deep. “She died years ago. So, no. I don’t have any expectations weighing on my shoulders.”
Shit. I feel awful instantly. This is why I should be a lot more careful with what I say. What an idiot. There are some topics that are just off limits, like this. My heart goes out to Lexi, I want to be able to make things better, but since I’m not completely sure where we stand, I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what Lexi wants me to do either, it’s really hard to make things right for her.
“So…?” She smiles brightly, blowing passed that conversation quickly before it can become more awkward. “What do you want to do, huh? Where does your heart really lie?”
“Hmm, good question.” I nod, trying to work this out. I have the idea of going out on my own, but not too much more than that. “I want to help people. But, I don’t know much more than that.”
“Help people with more than marketing? Because that helps people.”
I smirk and give her a look. “I mean I want to really help people. People who need it.”
“That’s nice. I like that idea.” Her face beams with joy. “That’s really sweet. It’s what I would like to do as well. Helping the less fortunate. There are plenty of people who need it.”
Her excitement makes me excited. She’s right, she sees my vision, even if it isn’t fully formed yet. I do know that what I want is to make better the lives of those who need it. With someone like Lexi by my side, I could make it happen. Her passion combined with my own, would allow us to rule everything.
But of course, she will have to open up to me first. There’s no way we can fully be together until this wall between us comes down.
“So, what’s your dream, huh?” I ask curiously. “What do you want to do?”
Her eyes glaze over, she drifts off somewhere else, barely in the room anymore. And her answer is very telling. “I would have a family around me. A happy, healthy family. Nothing else matters more than that.”
I gulp, trying not to assure her that I can give her that if she wants, because that would be utterly crazy. I need to sit back, lean in my chair and wait for her to come back to me. But a family… that’s all she wants. This fiery tattooed girl who has more spunk and fire than anyone I know, just wants a normal life. You never know with people, do you? Everyone can be a surprise. Maybe even me and my want to help others.
Together though, we could make one another happy.
Chapter Nineteen
Lexi
I like knowing more about this man, he’s really special. Not what I expected at all. I thought that he was an arrogant rich man, who didn’t give a shit about anyone. But it turns out that he has a real heart in there. He wants to help the world and try to make it a better place. That makes me yearn for him, I want to hold him, touch him, get back the wonderful selfish feeling that I had once before with Isaac.
Jane did tell me to get a life, she did tell me to have some stories for her. She wouldn’t be mad if I was a little late I seeing her, would she? I’m sure she’d be happy to know that I’m taking her advice.
I smile at Isaac, feeling a pull towards him, like there’s a magnet between us. I lean forward, and I can’t stop myself from doing it. Isaac’s eyes open wide in surprise when he spots me coming for him, but he finally relaxes into a smile. I know that this is what he’s wanted for
a very long time and he’s glad to finally be back in that place. I wish I could tell him why it’s so weird between us. Why I am the way I am, but it still feels like something I need to keep inside, for the good of everyone involved.
To block all those thoughts out, stop myself swirling everything around and around in my mind for five minutes, I grab his shirt and pull him towards me to kiss him. There’s something magical about his lips. He always manages to block the world out.
We kiss for a little while, losing ourselves in one another, but he soon pulls back. For a moment, I panic, fearing that he’s going to demand an explanation for why I’m being such a freak. I stiffen, unsure of what to say, but then he just smiles serenely, happy to take me as I am, and he kisses me once more.
With my heart pounding hard against my rib cage, I begin to unbutton his shirt. We don’t normally do this, the whole stripping one another down and seeing one another, but the timing feels right. My hands slip in his shirt, I gasp loudly at the feel of his muscular body. He’s so sexy, like a sex god.