“I can’t.” I rise to my feet, decision made. “I would prefer for us to forget about this. I would like if you could just sign the papers and we can both put this incident behind us.” One look tells me that isn’t ever going to happen. “Okay, then I suppose we are done here. We have nothing left to do. I’m going to leave.”
I can hear her yelling at me as I walk away but I don’t pay any attention. This is done now, it’s over, the decision has been made. All I can do now is try to make the best of it. It’s shit, but I can’t change that. And anyway, I have something else that I need to think about, and I cannot put it off any longer. I need to decide what to do about me and Lexi. After what just happened in there, I don’t think I would be comfortable continuing on with what’s been happening between us. It’s gone from sexy and fun to seedy as all hell.
I’m going to have to end things with her, I tell myself sadly. It’s the only choice I have.
It’ll be sad to say goodbye to what we have, we have had such a good time, but it’s weird now, and I need to make it right again. I need to get us to a normal place. She’s an awesome person and she obviously has her difficulties, which is where the need for cash has come in, so what I need to do is help her.
I will keep her salary what it is, since no one has picked up on it yet and complained that my PA is being paid a fortune, but I will stop the sexual favors. I mean, we can’t ever like each other, can we? No love story has ever started with a sexual arrangement. As sad as this is, I’m going to have to treat this as a learning curve. Not make the same mistakes in the future. Next time I think I might like someone, and there probably will be a next time once I recover from this one. I will play it properly and not be a douche bag. I will act like a normal person and not make ridiculous sex pacts that can only end up blowing up.
I just wish I didn’t lose Lexi through it.
Chapter Fifteen
Lexi
“Hi, Isaac!” I smile brightly at him as he comes into the office. With him being out yesterday for most of the day was much weirder than it should be. It makes me realize that I don’t like this job without him. He’s the key to it. So, seeing his face is really refreshing. It’s awesome. “Good to have you back.”
Since I felt all kinds of pangs for him yesterday, I expect that he felt the same. The deep desire between us seems to grow all the time, and I hope that it isn’t just me that it’s growing for. But his face doesn’t look as buoyant and happy as I feel. In fact, all I get in return is a thin line of a smile. He doesn’t even seem to really look at me. More through me. Like I’m not really there, or perhaps he doesn’t want me to be.
“What did I miss yesterday? Did anything dramatic happen or are we all good?” he asks in a plain tone.
Urgh, the sting in my chest really hurts! That’s cold and I feel it bad. But I have to push past it and act like everything is okay. The last thing I want him to realize is that I might be catching feelings for him.
“Erm, no nothing dramatic. Just the usual. I have put your phone messages on your desk…”
“Right, good.” He takes his seat and picks them up. “Well, I have a lot to do today to make up for the shit storm that was yesterday.”
Ah, I take it the meeting didn’t go well! “So, if there’s anything you need from me…,” I say in a low voice, shake my head and back off. It does help a bit to know that his mood isn’t anything to do with me. I’m stung that he doesn’t want to talk to me about it, but I guess we don’t really have that kind of a relationship yet. All I can do is back away and let him recover from whatever the hell happened. Hopefully then we will get back to normal.
I take my seat at my desk and blink a few times as I try to cool down the freaking sensation in my body. I was so looking forward to seeing him. I even thought that there might be another night of me staying late because we’ve missed one another. I suppose that could still happen later on…who knows?
But he doesn’t return to normal. Not for the whole week. The bad mood remains like a black cloud hanging over the entire office. It isn’t just me who has to tip toe around him, it’s everyone. The knock-on effect that this has is ridiculous. I don’t know what the hell is going to happen here. It can’t be good, that’s for sure.
I just want him to open up to me, a little bit. To let me in. I could help him. Sometimes, just getting the issue off your chest is half the battle, isn’t it? Like, I’m sure if I could talk to someone about Jane, it would help me, but I can’t… I don’t have anyone close enough that I can confide in.
“Do you know what I heard?” one of the reception girls whispers, grabbing my attention. I can just tell that she’s talking about Isaac, there’s something in her tone, and I’m intrigued. She might have an insight that I don’t know. So, I discreetly lean in and listen. “That Isaac is in a bad mood because he screwed some business woman when he was away and now, she’s black mailing him with intimate pictures.”
That’s too much for me. I can’t stick around and wait for the reply. I don’t want to know. That sounds too close to the truth for my liking. Isaac has been weird since he returned, he hasn’t wanted to speak to me at all, and that might be because of a sex related drama. That’s awful… it makes me feel ill.
Actually, not ill. I’m annoyed. I’m jealous. I don’t like it at all. It coils like a bitter snake, making its way through me in a horrible way, leaving my organs boiling hot and ice cold at the same time.
I grip onto my stomach, remembering the moment that I refused to have a drink with a perfectly nice, good looking guy in the bar because it felt a bit like cheating on Isaac. I’m an idiot. I have been falling for this man who doesn’t care about me at all, and I only have myself to blame. He didn’t make me any promises.
What the hell do I do now? Do I carry on as normal, pretending that none of this matters? Then if he brings up the whole ‘sexual favors’ thing, I could just refuse… or carry on thinking of it as just a business transaction. Or do I go over a boundary and tell him how I really feel about this? I might get fired, but I don’t like not speaking my mind. I’ve pushed my feelings down enough here, I don’t want to make it worse.
“Fuck,” I mutter to myself, my eyes welling up with irritated tears. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”
I’m angry. I’m in a whole bundle of emotions that I don’t know how to process. I know that I don’t really have a right to be annoyed by this, a man like that has probably been having sex will all kinds of people, while hooking up with me. He’s probably got a fierce appetite and he needs to have women everywhere… so I should say nothing. Just stuff it down, like everything else, afford Jane’s treatment, deal with it until then and move the hell on. That would be the smart thing to do…
But then I remember Jane telling me that I kick ass, and those words swim right through me. I kick ass, and I should be myself at all times. I just won’t let Isaac fire me, that’s all.
My feet move before I have made a decision, and I find myself stomping towards Isaac’s office. All the times that I have behaved and let things pass me by, rise to the surface and flood free. I can’t stop this now, it’s happening. I need to say a few choice things to Isaac. He might be having a hard time, but I am too, and mine isn’t a mess of my own making. Nor have I been an asshole to him about it even once.
“Lexi?” He gives me a confused look, my mood evident from the moment I see him. “What’s happening?”
I slam the door closed behind me so hard it almost makes the walls shake. “You tell me.”
“Huh? What on earth are you talking about? Have I missed something here?”