Having my life flipped upside down… I could probably handle that. It’d be hard, and being shunned from my family would be devastating, but now Emmett would get hurt, too?
I couldn’t do that.
The crack in my heart was growing larger each day that I covered up reality with a fantasy. I knew it would come to an end, and yet, every time it got close or I started to feel that ending creeping up, Emmett and I would make a run for it. We’d cover it up and pretend it wasn’t happening. And now here it was.
Sure, I may have had some hope lingering around that, somehow, I’d grow enough balls and say fuck it. I could figure my life out without my parents. Every day I spent with Emmett I found that little thought edging its way into my brain, but now that thought was gone. Vanished. There was no hope.
I no longer had a choice, and that hurt worse than anything.
All along I didn’t feel I had a choice, but now I knew that I did.
You never know what you have until it’s gone.
The truth settled down on my shoulders like a harsh rain in the middle of April. I was able to calm my breathing as I wiped my face. I glanced over to my right and saw that Emmett was sitting right beside me, in the same position, with his knees pulled up and his head dropped down low. When his eyes shuffled to mine, I felt even worse.
This wasn’t just affecting me.
It was affecting him, too.
He looked… broken.
Silence passed between us, unspoken words, feelings.
I was the first to break the tension. “I need to go back home.”
Emmett only stared at me. His jaw locked, and then he turned his attention to the gas station. “But do you really?”
Great. He’s going to make this so much harder.
“I do. I really do.”
He shook his head slightly. “No you don’t, Fallon. This entire thing is fucked up. You get that, right? Your life is like a game to them.”
I pulled back. “What? What do you mean, ‘a game to them’?”
He scoffed, glaring at me. “They’re playing with your life like it doesn’t matter. Like you don’t matter. Do you know how crazy it is that you’re literally about to marry a man you don’t love? That you don’t even like? All for what?”
It’s not even about that anymore! “Because—”
He held up a hand. “I know, Fallon. Because you want to be the daughter that they’ve always wanted, but I think it’s bullshit. Don’t you see that?”
I threw my hands up and shouted, “Of course I see that, Emmett!” I got up from the ground and stood straight, putting my hands on my hips. “I know it’s stupid! But what do you want me to do?! Just take your attitude and say fuck it?” I huffed. “Ugh! You don’t even know what just happened!”
Emmett stood up, too, brushing off the dirt from his jeans. He walked over and put his face right in front of mine. “I want you to do what you want!”
I bit my lip and felt like I’d been smacked in the face. “I…” I looked all around, ignoring the way Emmett’s face was broken, yet hopeful. “What?”
“What do you want, Fallon? Do you really want to throw away your life and marry Derek? All for your parents? So what if you tell them you’re not marrying Derek and they throw you out on your ass?! So what if your father throws you out?! You have people who care about you. I care about you!”
I shook my head at him, tears welling up in my eyes. “That’s not even it anymore, Emmett!”
“What isn’t it anymore?”
My entire heart and mind were being torn in two different directions. It was unforgiving. I knew I had to do what my parents wanted—not for me, but for him.
“What do you want, Fallon?” Emmett repeated, bringing my tear-filled eyes up to look at him. My lip trembled, and he put his thumb on it to stop.
“Why are you doing this?” I asked, my voice so low he had to dip in farther to hear me. “Why are you making this hard? You knew that this was coming. Now it’s like you’re asking me to choose between two things I can’t! No matter what I choose… you’re going to be the one getting hurt, Emmett. Don’t you see that?”