Headquarters, United States Forces in the Philippines used the blank side of the paper, but only for important official documents. After some thought,
General Fertig decided that it was necessary to maintain certain files, and to use his available stock of stationery (one and one half boxes, totaling precisely 741 sheets of paper) to do so USFIP had acquired some other desperately needed supplies from the mountainside cottage of the manager of the Dole Corporation's Pineapple Plantation Number Three The cottage, some miles from the plantation itself, had been the manager's private retreat. It had somehow escaped Japanese attention, and so it had held a dozen sets of bed linen--which USFIP converted into bandages, a Winchester single-shot, bolt-action 22-caliber rifle and three and a half boxes of.22 shells, a motley collection of inexpensive tableware and pots and pans; a mixed assortment of condiments and canned delicacies (such as Planter's Peanuts, martini olives, and miniature onions); a Zenith portable radio, and a Smith-Corona "Student's" portable typewriter with a nearly new ribbon.
General Fertig had his staff prepare copies for the record of the several pronouncements he had made as Commanding General, USFIP; the commissions he had bestowed upon certain members of his staff; and memorandums of record of the money issued by the Provisional Government of Misamis Occidental Province and which he had borrowed for USFIP And he instructed his cryptographic officer, Capt. Horace B Buchanan, to assume personal responsibility for the Smith-Corona and the stock of stationery, and, aside from making copies of outgoing and incoming messages, to make sure that no one used either paper or typewriter in a manner that could by any stretch of the imagination be considered profligate.
When Capt. Buchanan went to General Fertig's quarters with the two messages that had come in within five minutes of each other, the General was having his evening cocktail Second Lieutenant (ex-chief petty officer, USN) Ellwood Orfett, whom Fertig had placed in charge of a deserted coconut oil mill, had revealed another talent. He could convert mashed pineapple meat into alcohol, producing a lethal-smelling transparent intoxicant with the kick of a mule, but which, when mixed with pineapple juice, didn't taste half bad.
"Would you like a little taste, Buchanan?" Fertig asked as Buchanan came up the bamboo stairs of the General's quarters, shaking the whole building.
"Don't mind if I do, Sir," Buchanan said, and helped himself to a glass of the mixture. He poured it from a pottery mug in the shape of a cow's head. This was originally intended for milk, and was also salvaged from the pineapple plantation manager's cottage.
Fertig read the two messages, which were both on the same sheet of paper:
PRIORITY FROM KAZ FOR WYZB
ATTENTION LT COL FERTIG
YOUR RADIO MESSAGE OF 15 FEBRUARY 1943 FOR SEC WAR
WASHINGTON HAS COME TO THE ATTENTION OP THIS HEADQUARTERS.
ALL REPEAT ALL COMMUNICATIONS FROM YOUR DETACHMENT OF
WHATEVER NATURE WILL BE DIRECTED TO THIS HEADQUARTERS. NO
DEVIATION FROM THIS POLICY WILL BE TOLERATED.
BY COMMAND OF GENERAL MACARTHUR. WILLOOGHBY BRIO GEN
FROM JOINT CHIEFS OF STAFF WASH DC
VIA KSF FOR WYZB HQ US FORCES IN PHILIPPINES
ATTENTION BRIGADIER GENERAL FERTIG
KEEP YOUR SHIRT ON
JR. ELLIS CHIEF USN
"I rather expected the first one," Fertig said. Then he read the second message "I rather like the sound of the second," Pertig said, "even if I haven't the faintest idea what it means" "I'd say it's the reason General Willoughby sounds just a little pissed," Capt.
Buchanan said.
"The one from Washington--from the Joint Chiefs--is addressed to "General Fertig," you'll notice " "You think Willoughby knows about it?" Fertig asked "He knew about our message to the Secretary of War," Buchanan said.
"Sure, I think he heard about it. He's probably got the whole message."
"What do you mean by that?" Fertig asked curiously "The signature on the message is incomplete," Buchanan said.
"There had to be more to it than "Chief USN." Chief of something. What?"
"I thought it meant 'chief petty officer,"" Fertig said "Chief petty officers don't sign messages from the Joint Chiefs of Staff," Buchanan said "Admirals and generals do that."
He remembered--and then was a little ashamed of the memory--that
General Fertig, who had been a civilian eighteen months ago, knew damned little about the military services.
"Then what the hell does it mean?" Fertig asked. ""Keep your shirt on' doesn't sound at all military, does it?"