I walk behind her. I reach out for her, wanting to ease her pain by taking her in my arms.
Holding her.
Kissing away her sorrows.
But when I try to touch her, my hand goes right through her hair.
“Please don’t cry little bird,” I whisper. “We’ll meet again one day.”
I stay behind, lingering in the darkened corridor as she and the orderlies turn a corner.
It feels strange that I’m still here when I know that I’m supposed to be moving on. But Oak Hill…
This place has been my home for so long that I feel like I need to take one last walk through before I leave it for good.
I start with my cell.
I sit on the cot.
Stare at the plain white walls.
Then I walk over the barred window and admire the landscape of the institution’s grounds. Dead or not, I know that the deceiving look of this place will always stay with me.
I leave my cell and walk to the rec. I don’t bother going through the double doors, but I observe the few patients in the room through the square, glass windows on the door. One, a heavier set brunette sits on the mustard colored couch and watches television. Two others, both with long brown hair play cards at the back right corner table. I keep my eyes on the brunette facing me. She laughs and places one of her cards on the table. She seems happy.
I find this odd being that most of the time I spent here made me feel like I was living in hell.
But the times change.
So do restrictions.
Over the passing years, Oak Hill adapted a more lenient policy toward the patients. It was a blessing for the new patients, but for the patient like me who had been through worst situations in this place had to offer, well, it seemed like another method of cruel punishment.
I back away from the double doors, take one last look down the dim corridor, my eyes sweeping over the neutral walls. I breathe a sigh of relief and feel like a giant weight has been lifted from my chest. Then, I walk to the entrance.
~ ~ ~
The humid, summer air slaps me like a palm to the face the second I walk outside.
I feel the sun’s rays sting my cheeks and I tilt my head up, allowing the glow to cover my entire face. I don’t remember the last time I was outside. I can’t remember the last time it felt so good to let the sun burn my skin.
A gentle breeze tousles my hair as I stroll down the sidewalk and as I bask in the beauty of nature I wonder what my purpose is and where I’m going. I wonder if the sidewalk I’m walking on will take me somewhere or if it will never end.
Then, as I walk farther and farther away from Oak Hill something strange happens. The color of the sky transforms. It changes from blue to grey in a matter of seconds. Dulled stars come out to play and dot the horizon and suddenly, I’m on a brick road.
My eyes drop to my attire and I’m no longer in my hospital gown, but instead I’m wearing a lime green dress and matching lime green shoes.
I continue walking, staring down at the bricks I’m walking on.
Their colors are a mixture of browns and tans and blacks and they look shiny. They look like they have just been kissed by
Mother Nature’s tears.
I come to a halt when I see a set of shoes a few feet in front of me. They’re brown and shiny too, penny loafers, that are almost camouflaged by the bricks. My eyes travel up from the shoes and I see khaki pants. Then a white tailored shirt that has been tucked into the trousers.
My eyes stop at his face.
My lungs clench.