Then I watch him walk away as I get back into my car.
Chapter Five
A breath of icy air seeps through my windows. I shiver and grab a few articles of clothing from my back seat, placing them on my lap. Anyone who really knows me knows that I live out of my car. Mostly because I’m always on the go.
There’s no place home, sure, but there are days where I get a little stir crazy.
Days where I need to break out of my reclusive shell.
Moments where I need to feel free.
Like a bird.
Great song BTW.
In fact I’ve had visions of myself, driving along the interstate in a jeep without the hard-top, blasting Free Bird as loud as possible.
I can almost feel the wind whipping through my hair.
Bask in the cool breeze as it dances across my skin.
Just thinking it about has a liberating effect on me.
In fact, in the last hour, I feel like I’ve been thinking too much in general. My mind is like a web browser with hundreds of different tabs opening and closing, opening and closing, opening and closing. I press two fingers from each hand into my temples and rotate counter-clockwise.
I wish I could shut my brain off.
I wish I could rewind time and erase my past.
I wish I could take back the hurt, the betrayal.
More words fog up my clear thoughts so now everything inside of me is over-cast instead of bright and sunny.
I don’t love you anymore.
Five words.
One very powerful message.
I.
Don’t.
Love.
You.
Anymore.
When I first heard the words leave my ex’s lips, I thought he might be lying.
Maybe trying to push me away.
Possibly even trying to be cruel.
I thought that maybe he was trying to hurt me in his own way to mask the pain inside of himself. I think back to a nursery rhyme from my childhood that implies that words can never hurt us.
Who made up that rhyme? It’s a lie. A filthy, falsehood.