I’m trying to keep myself busy. To keep my mind occupied so it doesn’t wander and I don’t wind up spending my whole day thinking of the sexy, tatted up boxer who saved my life.
I haven’t seen Sean since Wednesday. Tonight is his title fight and I know that Lara is having Ted and a few of his friends over to watch it. I think about inviting Ryan, but I decide against it. Outside of work, he’s a little too smothering and I want to be able to watch the fight without him hovering over me. After all, Lara already invited him out for my birthday tomorrow.
Seeing Ryan three times in one week is just about all I can handle.
Speaking of Ryan…
I pop up from behind the counter at the same time he walks out of the stock room. He props himself up against the counter, the right side of his mouth pulling up into a smile. “So…” he trails off for a second. “You excited for tomorrow?”
“Yes.” And no. Part of me is excited because it feels like I haven’t left my hut in centuries. I feel like it might be nice to be out among civilized people, but then I can always count on the terrified part of me coming out.
Lara assured me that she’d keep an eye on me at all times, but what if that isn’t enough. I’ve learned that you can’t control other people, what they’re thinking, and their actions no matter how hard you try. All of my nerves ball together as an anchor of doubt sinks into the pit of my stomach.
We’re going to this swanky new dance club called C’est La Vie. With all the club-goers, loud music, and flashing lights I doubt that Lara will have her eye on me the entire time we’re there.
Ryan’s voice cuts into my thoughts. “You should be excited. It’s about time you started living your life again, Lee.”
Thank you, Dr. Phil. I roll my eyes and look in the opposite direction. I want to tell him, don’t you think I know that. Don’t you think that all I’ve ever wanted is to move forward with my life and stop living in the past? Unfortunately it hasn’t been that easy.
People love to comment about what I’ve been through and voice their opinions on how I can overcome my past and better my life. I hear it in school from some of the kids I’m acquainted with. From Satine. And now Ryan. I know they’re only trying to be helpful, but sometimes it irritates the shit out of me.
The only person who has never done that is Lara. Mostly because she believes that everyone’s healing process accelerates in different ways to various speeds. Some people get over things quickly. Others don’t. She also reminds me quite often that she has no business telling me how or what to do with my life now, because she doesn’t know what it’s like to run down the block in my size seven Nike tennis shoes. And I love her more than anything for that.
She’s always been my sturdy wall of support, offering advice when I ask, and being there for me by always making sure I’m okay.
Ryan moves closer to me and leans against the counter, his long lanky arms folded across his chest. “So you watching the big fight tonight?”
“Yeah. Lara rented it on Pay per view.” I glance in his direction. “You?”
“Probably. I don’t really want to though. I just know most of my friends will be watching it and I’m supposed to hang out them tonight.”
I’ve heard some random chatter on campus and from a couple of the customers on how big the fight between Sean and Avery Mullins really is. Most of the people I’ve heard talking about it seem stoked for it. “Why don’t you want to watch it?” Ryan is definitely not a sports-loving kind of guy. He likes reading, watching foreign films. Point blank, the artsy stuff.
He shrugs. “I know he’s like a hometown hero and all, but I’m not really a Sean Reilly fan. The guy is kind of a tool.”
“A tool?” My face bunches together and I gawk at him oddly. I didn’t get that impression at all. I mean he’s definitely a little rough around the edges, but I think buried beneath his hard demeanor and cool stares is a beautiful person. Someone capable of caring. Showing warmth. Maybe even loving. This all makes me wonder what Ryan based his opinion of Sean on. “Do you know him?”
“Not really. But I’ve heard stories.”
“What kind of stories?”
“I don’t know.” Ryan runs a hand through his messy hair. “Random gossip.”
“Gossip usually isn’t true,” I remind him. “That’s why they call it gossip.” Or is that rumors? I shrug and decide not to correct myself.
Ryan lifts an eyebrow, then lets out a shaky laugh. “Please don’t tell me you’re one of them.”
“One of who?”
“His groupies. You know all the girls that follow him around like he’s some God or something.”
A tiny smile pulls on my lips when it hits me that Ryan’s dislike for Sean is nothing but some kind of male rivalry. Or he might even be jealous. “I’m not a groupie,” I say with a laugh. “But I happen to know that he’s not what he seems to be.”
Because if it wasn’t for Sean, I would have died two years ago.
And that is something I am one hundred percent certain of.
Chapter Twenty Five