But I didn’t.
And I was so very, very blind.
Because I was weak, naïve, and foolish.
In the end, I think I’m angrier at myself than him because I allowed him to fool me. Isn’t that how it always is, though? Not only is love a killer, but it is the ultimate illusionist as well.
I plop down on the edge of my open grave on a mound of dirt and for once, I don’t care if the jeans I’m wearing get dirty. It’s not like it matters anyway.
Keeping my eyes on Adam, I watch as his chest rises up and down. His breathes are raspy and heavy. Beads of sweat dot his forehead and he raises his arm, wiping away the perspiration with the sleeve of his navy blue sweater. “Yes love,” I say. “I imagine digging my grave and filling it in is very strenuous.” I give him a nasty look and grit my teeth. Then I scoop up a palm-full of dirt. “Here,” I chuck the dirt at my body, “let me help you.” My voice is a mixture of pain and rage.
He used to tell me I love you every day.
And there were moments where I swear that he used to mean it. Or at least where he made me think that he meant it.
I love you. I love you. I love you.
My mind is a tilt-a-whirl and the words keep spinning around and around and around. I feel nauseated and part of me wishes that I was dreaming, that I would wake up, and that someone would let me off this terrifying ride.
But I’m not dreaming.
This isn’t some old, rickety carnival ride.
Adam throws another shovel-full of dirt onto my body and that reminds me that this is a nightmare, except….
There’s no waking up.
No relief.
No coming back.
Reality smacks me like a brick to the face.
I really am dead, gone, and almost buried.
I’m a secret, hidden in a field, miles and miles away from civilization.
And what frightens me the most is that I don’t know when, or if someone will ever find out about me.
Chapter Three
“Come closer, love,” Adam told me. “Lie here with me.” His voice was soft. The tone of it was rich yet hypnotic.
I was sitting on his bed, fiddling with the edge of the navy blue comforter, but kept my eyes locked on his. “But you’re in the closet,” I pointed out. Literally. He was literally laying down on the floor in his closet.
He smirked and winked and it was always at moments like that, that I couldn’t refuse him. “Just get in here,” he said.
I obeyed but remained hesitant, tip-toeing across his bedroom to lay down with him on his closet floor. When I reached him, I got on all fours and crawled closer before snuggling in next to him. Then I planted my nose against his chest and inhaled. The light ocean-spray scent of his cologne did a dance with my nostrils and I thought, I wouldn’t mind if my nose was sewn to his shirt. I could bathe and inhale the scent of him forever. He always wore just the right amount of cologne. Not too much. Not too little. “What now?” I questioned.
His moist lips pressed against the spot behind my ear. “Close the door,” he moaned against my skin.
Goosebumps sprouted up and down my arms and heat radiated in my cheeks. Words were lodged in the back in my throat and I struggled to get them out. Finally in one, breathless rasp I asked, “Why?”
Adam worked his way down my neck, leaving a trail of kisses before planting his lips on my collarbone. “Just do it,” he said, peeking up at me through his long, dark eyelashes.
“Okay.” I pulled my leg back the slightest bit and closed the door with the heel of my right foot. “What now?”
Adam kissed his way up my neck stopping at my jawline. “Nothing,” he stated.