Nicholas squeezed his eyes shut, torn between wanting to curse and pray.
It was a staggering acknowledgment. Love had never entered his calculations in any other relationship. Always before he had been able to leave with no regrets, to walk away heart-whole. He'd never been in danger of succumbing to love, never been even remotely tempted by the possibility. He'd thought himself impervious to the soul-deep kind of emotion his father had once experienced.
Yet that was before he met Aurora. Her lush loveliness had entranced him from the first – but her appeal went far beyond mere beauty or sensual allure. From the beginning, her kindness, her quiet strength, her fierce protectiveness had won his respect, and his feelings had only grown from there. The more he knew her, the more he'd wanted her. She'd given him tantalizing glimpses of the captivating, passionate woman she kept hidden from the world. It was that unforgettable woman who made him burn, who set his blood and heart afire…
"Are you all right?" he asked after a while.
Her answer was a murmured sigh of pleasure.
Reaching for the blanket at the foot of the bunk, Nicholas drew it up to cover their nakedness. Then absently he pressed a kiss against her silken hair and gathered her closer, his senses distracted by the wonderful, frightening refrain ringing in his head. I love her. I love her…
Again and again he turned the stunning thought over in his mind, before finally allowing himself another reflection. So what in hell's name am I to do about it? How did he convince Aurora to be his wife when she had fought him every step of the way?
One night would never be enough to satisfy the hunger in his soul. He wanted Aurora for his wife. She belonged in his bed, in his life. Their unlikely marriage had been forged by a twist of fate, but he wanted it to be real.
He wanted the right to acknowledge the passion he felt for her. He wanted to lose himself in the hot silk of her body each night and wake up beside her each morning. He wanted to build a future with her, to have children…
Nicholas went very still, wondering if his seed had taken root. Twice in as many days he had loved her without taking any measures to prevent conception. If he'd given her a child, then Aurora would have no choice but to accept their marriage, for she wouldn't be able to weather the scandal alone.
Mentally, Nick shook his head. The thought of Aurora bearing his child filled him with wonder and delight, but the choice had to be hers. He fervently wanted her as his wife, but she had to come willingly. Because she loved him. Because she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. Not because she was forced to. The next time they made love, he vowed, he had to be certain to take precautions.
Yet would there even be a next time? He knew what he wanted, but what did Aurora want?
She didn't return his feelings, he knew that well enough. He was the antithesis of what she considered an ideal husband. And she was still in love with a damned ghost. Given enough time, perhaps he could change her affections, but he was running out of time.
That was what he needed – time. Time alone with Aurora. Time to break through her defenses. To convince her to give their marriage a chance. To show her that the desire they shared could ripen into something real and lasting. To kindle her passion until her feelings were so fierce and overwhelming, she could deny them no longer.
That was the only way he knew to reach her, through physical intimacy. Each time they touched, her defenses crumbled a little more, the hunger he aroused in her grew stronger.
And physical passion could lead to love. It had happened in the Frenchwoman's journal. It could happen with Aurora. No, it would happen, Nicholas vowed.
He didn't intend to give up his pursuit without doing everything in his power to win her. His father had lost the love of his life, and Nick refused to spend the rest of his days yearning for what might have been.
He raised a hand to touch her cheek with the lightest of pressures. "Are you awake?"
Stirring, she tilted her face to gaze up at him. "Yes," she murmured, her blue eyes slumberous and sensual.
Tenderly he brushed back the cloud of hair from her flushed face. She was so hauntingly beautiful
… He wanted her again, more powerfully than before, a craving that went beyond the physical.
Still, he couldn't simply blurt out his feelings. He doubted Aurora would believe any sudden confessions of love – indeed, he had difficulty believing it himself. His uncertainty left him feeling uncommonly vulnerable.
He couldn't tell her yet. He would have to bide his time, would have to show her how deeply he felt, with more than mere words.
"There is something I need to discuss with you," he said finally, struggling to keep his tone casual. "I am considering whether or not to leave London."
He felt her body tense. "What do you mean, leave?"
"I thought I would go to the country for a time. You're right. After encountering so many people who recognize me, the risk of discovery is too great. Clune has offered me the use of his house in Berkshire." Nicholas paused, taking a deep breath. "I want you to come with me, Aurora."
She sat up slowly, clutching the blanket to her breasts. "Come with you?" she repeated faintly.
"Yes. I want us to be together."
The troubled look was back in her eyes as she gazed down at him. "We are together now."
"Not the way we should be. As things are now, I'm relegated to acting the thief, stealing a few private moments alone with you, having to skulk around to enjoy any intimacy with my wife. I want to be able to kiss you without worrying about creating a scandal. To hold you and make love to you and wake up with you in my arms."