Yet she continued to surprise him. Aurora was not like so many of her contemporaries – shallow, vain, self-centered, arrogant – although with her breeding and beauty, she could very well have turned out that way. She had unexpected depths, intriguing facets that he found enchanting, sensual. He had been captivated this morning by the glimpse of her free spirit when she'd galloped in the park. And he'd tasted the hidden fire in her embrace more than once…
There was a keenly passionate woman beneath that ladylike exterior, and he was determined to find her, to chip away at her very proper inhibitions. She was too young to bury herself away in a living tomb of celibacy.
It wouldn't be easy to break through her defenses, though. Not when Aurora held such an aversion to risk, when she was so determined to deny any vestige of desire. Like now. When he took the cup of tea she offered, their fingers brushed, creating a frisson of heat. Aurora drew back as if burned. Averting her gaze, she picked up her own cup, clearly intent on ignoring the attraction between them.
Nicholas felt his resolve harden. She needed shaking up, even though she didn't know it.
"So," he said finally. "Do you mean to live the rest of your life hiding behind your widow's weeds?"
Her blue eyes lifted to his. "What do you mean?"
"You've immured yourself in a prison here. Not one of your own making, but a prison nonetheless. You're a captive of convention and decorum, letting society dictate your every action."
"There is nothing wrong with following the dictates of society."
"There is if you let it drain the very life from you."
Aurora pursed her lips together in a frown. "I am not like you, Nicholas. I want a quiet, orderly life."
"I don't think you do, or you never would have come to my rescue and agreed to wed a stranger."
"Those were highly unusual circumstances. I am perfectly content with my situation."
"Are you?"
"Yes. I enjoy a very full life, despite my current limitations. My household may be much smaller than the one I managed for my father, but it still requires effort. I write letters often – actually, I have a wide correspondence. Friends call on me frequently. I read a great deal. I ride daily…"
"Ah, yes, your secret vice. What other hidden desires do you harbor, Aurora?"
She ignored the question. "I have what I have always wanted… independence."
"I don't think you can call this independence. You live in constant fear of what others will think. You can't go out in public without hiding your face or out after dark at all. You feel trapped here, you've intimated as much."
"Perhaps, but only because I am determined to avoid scandal. What is acceptable behavior for a man is not at all tolerable in a lady, much less a widow."
Determinedly, Nicholas held her gaze. "Either you're deceiving yourself or you don't know yourself very well. I think there are two sides of you. The woman who bows down to convention, worshiping as if it were an icon. And the one who loves galloping wildly through the park for the sheer joy of it. The same one who gave herself to a stranger in a blazing night of passion."
He could see by the darkening of her expressive eyes that he had hit a nerve. "I think you want to escape that straitlaced prison of yours," he pressed in a low voice, "to let yourself be a sensual woman, but you're afraid to take the risk."
When she didn't respond, he drew the journal from his pocket and set it on the table before her. Aurora stared at it, her eyes very blue.
"I thought of you the entire time I was reading this. You're very much like the anonymous lady who wrote it."
"I cannot see any resemblance," she replied defensively, as if embarrassed by the thought. "Our circumstances could hardly be more different. She was French, enslaved by corsairs and imprisoned in a Turkish harem. She was forced to become a concubine and engage in acts no lady would ever willingly abide."
"She was innocent of carnal knowledge until she met a man who could fire her blood."
"Indeed. And her… her lust came to rule her."
Nicholas narrowed his eyes. "Have you never wondered what it would be like to experience that kind of passion? To want someone that desperately?"
Her lips parted, but no sound came out. Nick suspected he'd come close to the truth.
"I've wondered," he admitted. "My father once tried to explain how he felt about Raven's mother. He said that if I read the journal, I might understand."
Aurora lowered her gaze, her ivory skin flushing. "It was a very compelling story," she said finally, "but their love was doomed to fail. Desiree lost her heart to her master and became trapped by her obsession."
"But she never regretted loving."