Her tone turned wary. “What is there to say?”
“I understand he wasn’t your real father.”
“Grandfather told you?” Dismay etched her beautiful features.
“He said he regretted forcing your mother to marry. I would like to hear about Kendrick. You must not have cared much for him.”
Kell saw her blue eyes flash before she averted her gaze again. “I didn’t care for him. And he never cared for me. He never let me forget that I was not his child.”
“Was he cruel to you?”
She hesitated, but he could sense her pain simply in her silence. “Not in the physical sense,” she finally whispered in a raw voice. “He never struck me. He just constantly reminded me of my illegitimacy. In public he claimed me as his own, but in private he called me his little bastard.” The tremulous note in her voice held a touch of bitterness. “I suppose he ridiculed me simply to hurt my mother, because he was wounded by her sadness. She ignored him and hurt him with her continued pining, and he grew resentful.”
Kell put a finger under her chin, compelling Raven to look at him. “So that was the true reason you wanted to marry your duke?”
“Largely.” Her mouth twisted in a humorless, self-mocking smile, before she continued in a hoarse undertone. “A child of love, my mother always called me. But still I couldn’t help feeling the shame of being conceived out of wedlock. Being titled would ensure my respectability, even if the question of my parentage ever became common knowledge.”
Her voice was so low, he barely heard her admission. “Mama wanted that fear put to rest as well, but she was more concerned with my taking my rightful position in society… To assuage her guilt, she said. For denying me my birthright.” Raven’s gaze took on an anguished, faraway look, as if she were lost in distressing memories. “I told her it didn’t matter, but she insisted. I held her hand while she was dying, and she made me swear to wed a grand title… But in the end, I couldn’t keep my promise.”
Tears burned in her blue eyes, and a shudder swept her body.
Kell wrapped his arms around her, drawing her close. A surge of hunger coursed through him at the intimate contact, yet mixed with his lust was a painful tenderness for her, a raw desire to protect and cherish. It wrenched his heart to realize how Raven’s dreams had been shattered and to know that his own brother had been responsible. He had pretended not to care, but he did care…deeply.
“You weren’t to blame for breaking your promise,” he said quietly.
“No,” she replied, the word a harsh murmur. “I had no control over that. But I can keep the vow I made to myself-never to make the same mistake my mother made, losing myself to a man and becoming so powerless. Never to let love destroy my life.”
Drawing a slow breath, Kell spoke into her hair and lied. “You needn’t worry about love developing between us. I told you I’m not interested in love.” Pulling back, he raised himself on one elbow. “You have only to give me your lovely body.”
Raven hesitated, torn. She wanted to surrender to the dark desire his words had stirred, wanted to give in to Kell. Yet she wasn’t certain she could trust herself to make love to him and not hunger for more, for something even deeper than the closeness and comfort and warmth she already craved from him.
Involuntarily she reached up and touched her fingers to his sensual mouth, then higher, along his cheekbone and the scar she rarely noticed anymore, it seemed so much a part of him.
When she remained silent, Kell eased away from her, interrupting her roiling thoughts. She watched in surprise as he rose from the bed. He wore no nightshirt, only his drawers, and as usual the sight of his muscled build, sleek and elegant and superbly athletic, made her breath falter.
Going to the hearth, he built up the fire to a crackling blaze, then went into the adjoining dressing room. A moment later he returned with the black satin bag that contained the sponges.
“The decision is yours,” he said, handing her the bag.
Rejoining her beneath the covers, he stretched out beside her, close but not touching. For a long moment he simply lay there, watching her. Waiting for her answer.
The room was warmer now, Raven realized. Or perhaps it was only she who was warmer. The heat in Kell’s eyes was blazing enough to scorch her.
It grew hotter still when she murmured her hushed reply. “Perhaps just this once.”
He smiled and pulled her into his arms, his mout
h seeking hers.
“Kell…”
Tenderly he silenced her protest with a scorching kiss. When she yielded with a needy whimper, his lips left hers to skim hotly against her throat, sending a wild surge of desire coursing through her.
“It’s only sex,” he whispered as he pressed her down into the pillows. “You know that, don’t you?”
“Yes,” Raven moaned in response, though not quite believing as she gave herself over to wanton abandon.
Chapter Eighteen