For a moment he stared at the man standing before him. It was as if he no longer knew his brother. Sean had become more and more distraught over the past year, and truly violent since his impressment, but he’d never threatened outright betrayal.
Regardless…Even if the bond between them frayed beyond repair, Kell knew he could no longer overlook his brother’s violence or tolerate his excesses.
“Claim whatever you will,” Kell finally replied grimly, “but that won’t change my intentions of sending you to Ireland.”
His face turning red with anger, Sean brandished his fists. “This is all your fault, you know. You promised Mama you would protect me. But you didn’t protect me, did you, Kell? You let Uncle William do whatever he wanted to me.”
Furious himself, sick at heart, Kell drew a labored breath. He would spend the rest of his life trying to make up for his failure, but he wouldn’t relent. Sean had become too dangerous. “Yes, I am to blame for not protecting you,” he declared with quiet vehemence. “And I will never forgive myself. But there is no way for the past to be undone. If there were…” His own fists clenched. “I would gladly have taken your place, you know very well.”
A grimace crossed his brother’s face. “You would never have found yourself in my place in the first instance. You would not have let that bastard touch you. You would have fought him.” His expression of anger suddenly crumpled. “I’ve always been so much weaker than you.” Turning away, he sank onto the chaise again, burying his face in his hands.
Kell felt his own anger abate a degree at Sean’s desolation. He leaned forward in his chair, searching for the right words. “Sean…can’t you see what is happening to you? You are letting the past destroy you.”
Reaching up, Sean clutched at his hair. “I know,” he said hoarsely. “Sometimes I can’t help myself. There is this devil screaming inside my head…making me want to lash out, to hurt someone, to hurt you.”
Anguish speared through Kell, along with a raw desire to protect his brother. “We will get you help. There are other doctors-”
“No! I won’t have more quacks poking and prodding at me, telling me my mind is diseased.” After a moment, Sean looked up, tears making his green eyes shimmer. “I’m sorry, Kell,” he said in a low voice. “I didn’t mean what I said. I am an ungrateful wretch. God, please forgive me… It is just that I…loved Raven. I was devastated when you chose her over me. And now she has turned you against me.”
Kell ran a hand raggedly through his own hair at his brother’s pleading tone. “I didn’t choose her willingly, Sean. And having her come between us is the last thing I would ever want. But I can’t stand by and allow you to hurt her. Can you understand that?”
“Yes.” The word was a mere whisper.
“Swear to me you will leave her alone.”
“I…I swear.”
Kell could feel his brother’s bleakness, his misery. Sean was in anguish, his better nature fighting the demons inside him.
Rising, Kell crossed to the chaise and pressed a hand to Sean’s shoulder. “You need to get away. If you stay here, you’ll only be tormented by the past.”
“Perhaps you’re right,” he said dully. “But where would I go?”
“I told you, to Ireland. To the farm. The breeding program was to be your responsibility, remember?”
The horse farm Kell had purchased near Dublin boasted prime breeding stock that had already resulted in several promising racers. Not that he cared much about racing or the Turf. But since Sean loved horses so deeply, Kell had hoped to provide him an interest as well as a refuge.
“Will you come with me?” Sean asked wistfully.
Kell’s stomach twisted again. Sean sounded like a young boy again, like the beloved brother he’d once known. “I regret that I can’t. I have obligations here. My club…”
“And Raven Kendrick.” Sean’s mouth momentarily hardened.
“Yes. Raven as well. But that doesn’t mean I care for you any less. Sean, you must get away, for your own sake.”
“Very well. If that will make you happy, I will go,” Sean said quietly, the dismal look of defeat in his eyes.
It was nearly midnight when Kell reluctantly climbed the stairs, heading for his wife’s bedchamber. Raven would be surprised that he’d returned home from his club so much earlier than usual, and even more surprised when he approached her. But he owed her yet another apology for his brother’s savage conduct.
Kell moved slowly down the dimly lit hall, his thoughts still spinning around his confrontation with Sean this afternoon and the angry threats his brother had made. Their clash had dredged up dark memories of the night their uncle died.
Six months after they’d fled England, William had tracked them down. Kell knew he would never forget that night. He’d spent most of the evening gaming, milking a winning streak, trying to add to their meager savings. He returned to their stark lodgings in the wee hours of the morning to find Sean sobbing out his heart over their uncle’s bloody body.
“It was an accident, Kell, I swear! I didn’t mean to hurt him. I only meant to make him stop touching me.”
Bit by bit Kell coaxed the story from his trembling brother. William apparently had pursued them to Ireland, concerned by the appearance that his underage nephews refused to live with him, as well as worried that they would divulge his homosexuality, a hanging offense. When William demanded the brothers return home and began shaking him, Sean revolted, unable to bear his touch. He’d stabbed William in the chest with Kell’s own rapier.
Kell couldn’t totally blame his fourteen-year-old brother, for he likely would have killed Sean’s abuser himself, had he been present. The boy’s explosive reaction was self-defense, he was almost certain.