Since their parting yesterday, she had felt more alone than she’d ever felt in her life. She already missed him so much that she ached with it.
She knew Heath was right on that score at least: spinsterhood would be cold comfort. She didn’t want to be alone and lonely for the rest of her life. Empty. The way she felt now.
There were also numerous other reasons to accept Heath’s proposal, Lily reminded herself. Most of which he had already argued with her before.
Unless they married, they could never have the intimacy she craved. They would be compelled to keep to the shadows, stealing a few precious hours now and then to be together. They could never have children, a family.
Passion was all they would ever have. And passion, no matter how pleasurable, wasn’t enough for happiness. Heath was right about that, too.
And what of her fear of being treated as chattel? Even as the thought crossed her mind, she dismissed it. As Heath’s wife, she wouldn’t be shackled to him. He wasn’t likely to suddenly start controlling her and dictating to her and ordering her about. Not if he truly loved her. Rather, he would be her husband, her partner, her companion, her soul mate.
And if she truly loved him, if she truly trusted him, she would swallow her fears and take the risk of marrying him.
She did love him, she had no doubt whatsoever. Heath had made her dream dreams she hadn’t even known she wanted. Made her yearn for a future with him. He had touched something deep inside her. Something warm and wonderful and enchanting.
You make me feel alive, he had told her only yesterday. You make me feel joyous and exhilarated, as if each day is a new adventure.
Which was exactly how she felt about him.
So, yes, Lily decided, a soothing feeling of calm settling over her. She was ready to take the risk and wed Heath. She was ready to trust in his love.
Turning her head, she glanced at the clock on the mantel, wondering where he could be found just now. She needed to tell him of her change of heart right away.
She might have to grovel a bit to make him forgive her, Lily suspected, remembering how cold and remote Heath had been when he had left her for the last time. But she would make him see that she regretted taking so long to come to her senses and to know her own heart-
“Lily?” Chantel’s shaky voice broke into her thoughts.
Lily looked up to discover that Chantel had silently entered her bedchamber. Her face was pale, and she was clutching something to her chest.
The newspaper, Lily realized distractedly. “What is it?” she asked, suddenly concerned.
“You need to see this…”
Without another word, Chantel crossed to her and handed her the newspaper. It was this evening’s edition of The Star and was opened to the society page.
“There,” Chantel said hoarsely, pointing to an announcement halfway down the page.
The Marquess of Claybourne, Lily read, has the great pleasure of announcing his betrothal to Lady Eleanor Pierce, sister of Lord Danvers and niece of Viscountess Beldon. The nuptials will take place next month at the family estate of-
The newspaper dropped from Lily’s nerveless fingers while the blood drained from her face. She tried futilely to catch her breath as she told herself there must be some mistake. Surely Heath was not planning to marry Lady Eleanor, even though it said so here in stark black and white-
“I don’t understand,” Chantel said plaintively. “I thought Lord Claybourne wanted to marry you, Lily.”
“So did I,” she rasped.
“He won your game. He has the right to court you now. So why is he engaged to wed someone else?”
She knew the answer. Because she had turned him down too many times. And she was now paying the price. Heath had decided he no longer wanted to marry her.
A surge of panic slid up her spine. Heath had decided to marry Marcus’s beautiful, vivacious sister instead.
He must have asked Lady Eleanor very recently, perhaps this morning or even yesterday. That was the only way he would have time to place the announcement in this evening’s paper.
Lily brought a trembling hand to her mouth to silence the anguished cry she wanted to utter. She had no one to blame but herself, she knew. She had refused Heath’s offer of marriage countless times, until he had finally come to accept that she meant what she said.
He had given up his pursuit of her entirely, just as he’d warned he would.
She squeezed her eyes shut as the reality of what she’d done sank in. She’d had the promise of a lifetime of happiness within her grasp, and she had thrown it all away.