“But with Basil you can say precisely what you want to say.”
Her smile was faint. “Indeed. I can be as cross and temperamental and irritable as I choose. But that is simply because he doesn’t care enough about me to be concerned with my feeling
s.”
“He cares,” Lily assured her.
“I believe you are mistaken. Basil couldn’t think any worse of me than he does. He profoundly disapproves of my profession, that much is certain.”
“Because he is jealous of all the men you must be with. But if you were willing to change professions…” Lily let the thought linger for a time while Fanny pondered. Then: “If you believed that Basil truly loved you, Fanny, could you possibly return his regard someday?”
Fanny thought over the question for a long moment before replying. “Astonishingly enough, I might.” But almost immediately she followed with a scoffing sound. “I must be mad to find Basil appealing. No doubt I want him simply because he doesn’t want me.”
“He does want you, Fanny. That is abundantly clear to me, if not to you.”
It was a perfect case of opposites attracting, Lily reflected. Fanny was gay and lively, a pleasure-seeker down to her satin dance slippers, while Basil was earnest and studious and serious most of the time. “He would cure your loneliness, at least.”
Fanny’s laugh held a sharp note of humor. “Perhaps so-because we would fight all the time. No, Lily. It would never serve. I could never marry Basil. In any event, we would starve on his income. I have very expensive tastes, you know. He is a mere law clerk who earns barely a pittance.”
“But he may have greater ambitions, Fanny, and his future prospects could be quite handsome. He could perhaps take a position as secretary to a nobleman who is involved in politics. The House of Lords is always passing laws governing the country. And to write those laws, someone must have knowledge of our legal system. Why not Basil? He could earn a significantly higher wage as a peer’s secretary than as a clerk.”
“I suppose so.” Fanny worried her lower lip. “But it wouldn’t be enough to support an expensive wife. No, a marriage with him is out of the question. It would be a disastrous mismatch.”
“I am not convinced of that,” Lily replied. “But you needn’t make up your mind this moment. You should, however, think about what Basil means to you.”
“It might prove a cure for my doldrums at least,” Fanny quipped, obviously in higher spirits. Suddenly she straightened. “How did we manage to change subjects so radically, Lily? We were speaking of you and Lord Claybourne.”
“I would much rather discuss you and Basil,” Lily said lightly.
“I still believe you should consider Claybourne’s proposal of marriage. You may never find a better match.”
That might indeed be true, Lily thought, falling silent. Heath would make a better candidate for her husband than any man she had ever met. She had to concede they were well-matched, at least. If she were not so adamantly set against marriage…
“In all seriousness,” Fanny continued, “I might make a similar observation about you. You seem to enjoy his lordship’s company a great deal. Did you enjoy his lovemaking also?”
She did enjoy his company, greatly, Lily admitted to herself. And her enjoyment of his lovemaking was beyond question. She had never known such pleasure as Heath had made her feel. She couldn’t deny, either, that she had relished the closeness she had known with him tonight. The tenderness. The sharing.
She had felt a sense of feminine power as well. Heath was not the kind of lover to dominate or command or take selfishly. Instead, he had led her to experience the kind of enthralling fulfillment she knew few women ever experienced.
He had treated her as fully his equal even as he tutored her untried body. He had taught her the pleasure of giving someone else pleasure. The joy of surrendering to him as a woman, of meeting his passion with her own. She no longer feared his tenderness, Lily realized-which should have been a warning in itself…
Again Fanny broke into her silent reflections. “Having Claybourne for your husband could satisfy more than your physical desires, Lily. You could have a good future with him. Trust me, you don’t want to find yourself all alone in your old age.”
It was the same argument Winifred had made recently, Lily remembered.
“Can you honestly say,” Fanny pressed, “that you are completely happy as you are now?”
She wasn’t unhappy, at least. There were times when she felt a little…empty. Lily frowned. Did she truly feel empty? No, of course not. She led a very fulfilling life, even if she had been lonely without her sisters during these past weeks since coming to London.
“I am perfectly content to remain single,” she finally said.
Fanny sighed. “Well, then you should take care not to become too close to Lord Claybourne. Passion can lead to love, Lily. If you don’t want to risk losing your heart, you would do best to break off all intimacy with him.”
Lily’s frown deepened. “I may not have a choice. He is very close to winning our game, and if he does, I agreed to allow him a formal courtship.”
“Just because you are required to share his company doesn’t mean you must share his bed. It would be a grave mistake to continue.”
No doubt Fanny was right, Lily acknowledged. If she continued as Heath’s lover, she risked surrendering her heart to him. And it could prove disastrous if she were to fall in love. For then she might actually agree to marry him, and she would be trapped in wedlock with no way of escape, just as her mother had been.