An hour later, however, Fleur and Chantel received an effusive apology from O’Rourke, saying that he regretted causing them distress and that he would no longer insist on immediate payment of their debt, so Lily had to be content with that.
And truly, she was grateful to Heath for helping her friends avoid the threat of prison. And for being willing to protect Fanny against O’Rourke. She was even more grateful for what he’d done for Betty and Peg. Seeing his gentleness when he’d consoled the sobbing prostitute had nearly melted Lily’s heart. Heath had promised the girl she would be safe in her new life, and Lily trusted that it would happen.
Yet he apparently didn’t want gratitude for his kindness, since he declined Fleur’s special invitation to dine at the boardinghouse that evening. Lily couldn’t help but believe that she was the cause of his refusal. He was deliberately avoiding her, it seemed.
And while his seductive games had once driven her to distraction, the cessation was now highly unsettling, since she worried about the reason for his retreat-the possibility that he had taken a mistress. The notion was beginning to trouble Lily greatly. She couldn’t help wondering how Heath was occupying his time these days, couldn’t stop picturing him in some perfumed beauty’s arms, satisfying his carnal needs with the same sensual tenderness he had shown her…perhaps at this very moment.
Unable to curb her vivid imaginings, Lily tossed and turned sleeplessly the entire night. By Saturday morning, she decided she needed to talk to someone who could understand her dilemma. Thus, when Tess came to London on business for one of her charities, Lily eagerly invited her to stay for luncheon.
They settled in the small garden at the rear of the house, shielded from the bright summer sunshine by the shade of an elm tree.
Lily began by telling Tess about Lord Claybourne’s recent generosity, but it wasn’t long before she found herself confessing her mixed feelings about the possible end of his courtship.
Tess’s first response was surprise. “I thought you would be pleased if he is no longer set on pursuing you. Isn’t that what you wanted all along?”
“I am pleased,” Lily assured her. “I mean…I will be very glad if he is no longer interested in claiming me for his marchioness.”
“So what has made you so melancholic?”
“I don’t know exactly.” Lily shrugged. “I suppose I am just frustrated at being confined here with so little to do. I feel I cannot leave London until our friends’ debt is paid and they are out of danger. And Roslyn’s wedding to Arden will be held at St. George’s on Tuesday, so of course I want to remain here for that and the dinner Marcus is giving in their honor the night before. And there is still the uncertain outcome of my game with Lord Claybourne. The two weeks we agreed to will be over on Monday. He earned another point yesterday for giving one of our boarders a home at his family seat in Kent, so he has nine points thus far, nearly enough to win. But he may have no desire to finish the competition.”
“Is that what concerns you? You have become attached to him, and you don’t want your game to end?”
Lily hesitated. “Perhaps ‘attached’ is too strong a word. But I do admit that I am exceedingly attracted to him.”
When she fell silent, Tess fixed her with a penetrating look. “Is there more you aren’t telling me, Lily? What did he do to make you so attracted to him? Kiss you?”
Lily hesitated; Tess knew her too well. “What we did was far more intimate than kissing.”
“More intimate?”
“Yes. And I discovered that I liked it-very much.”
Tess frowned a little. “You didn’t let him make love to you?”
“No. I am still a virgin. He wouldn’t go further until I agreed to marry him. But the truth is…I wanted to go further, Tess.” Lily’s voice lowered to a bare murmur. “Claybourne says that I don’t want to remain a spinster all my life, and it is partly true. I want to know what it is like to lie with a man, with him. I want to know about passion, about pleasure.”
“So do I,” Tess said with a soft sigh.
Lily gave her a quizzical glance. “You wonder what making love would be like?”
“Yes, I have for quite some time. But my scruples always kept me chaste. Lamentably so,” she added with a wry grimace. “I could have given myself to Richard before he went off to war and was killed, but I saved myself for marriage. I regret that more than you know, Lily. I wish I had enjoyed our time together when I had the chance.”
Reaching across the table, Lily took her friend’s hand. “Oh, Tess, I am cruel, speaking of passion and lovemaking when you lost your betrothed. Please forgive my thoughtlessness.”
Tess summoned a cheerful smile. “There is nothing to forgive, dearest. I am done with mourning. It has been two years now, and I cannot keep wallowing in grief and sadness-nor would Richard want me to. I realize I must live my life, despite my loss.”
“Yes, you must,” Lily agreed warmly. “And I suspect you haven’t given up your desire to marry and have a family.”
“No. I want a husband and children someday, even if I cannot have Richard.” Her gaze grew distant. “I don’t know if I will ever love so deeply again. They say that true love only comes once…” Tess suddenly looked back at Lily. “But enough about me. It is your future that is in question just now. What is it you want, Lily? Do you even know?”
Lily gave a rueful laugh. “Well, if I am truly honest…I would like to have Lord Claybourne for my lover.”
Tess hesitated. “You won’t consider marrying him?”
“No, but I might consider becoming his mistress. Are you shocked, Tess?”
“I cannot say that I am. But there could be serious consequences.”