I also need to remember to keep it together in there. I’m not sure if I’m going to throw myself at him the second I see him or turn into my introverted self and let my shyness take over. Writing letters is so easy and I can say anything I want. I let my pen go and tell him anything and everything that comes to mind.
Today I’ll get to look into his eyes and watch his expressions as I talk. I’ll see the way he looks at me and if he really thinks I’m as pretty as he says. I smile when I think about the letter he sent requesting more photos.
I made the mistake of telling one of the girls I had class with about Rocco. Sometimes it’s hard to not talk about him. When I made a slip about him she wanted to know all the details. At first I thought she was being friendly, but looking back I know she only wanted gossip to tell other people about me. Not only that, she told me to stop being pathetic because Rocco was only giving me attention because he has nothing better to do. Who else is going to write him every day, she said to me as she rolled her eyes. Her words stung, and as much as I tell myself they weren’t true, a tiny insecure part of me asks, what if she’s right?
I lick my lips as I open one of the oversized metal doors and step inside. In the waiting room I’m told to go to the guard at the gate and once I get there, six armed guards turn to look at me as I enter.
“I’m here to see Rocco Lang,” I say, holding my chin high. I don’t feel any shame because I know my man didn’t do anything wrong.
I didn’t sleep at all last night. How could I after her last letter? She told me she’d be wearing soft pink lacy panties and a matching bra. She just added it in like I wouldn’t turn into an animal at the thought.
My hand cramps after jerking off so many times. My cock is in pain, but it’s not from being sore, it’s because nothing would take away my need for her. The fact that I know she’s going to be right across the table from me has kept me pacing in my cell all night like a caged lion. I’m not sure how I’m going to control myself when I finally get to see her.
It feels like weeks instead of hours, but finally when the guard comes over to my cell and opens it up I’m on my way to her. My feet are almost as heavy as my heart. What if she takes one look at me and decides she was wrong? What if she’s built all of this up in her head and she realizes that she’s too good for me? Because she is.
When I get to the visitation room the guard walks me over to a table and uncuffs me. I’m considered a non-violent offender so I’m allowed to embrace my visitor once at the beginning and once at the end, but there’s no touching otherwise. I have to keep my hands where they can see them and someone will be watching us at all times.
I let out a sigh when I sit down at the metal bench and table. She shouldn’t be here. I glance around the room at all the prisoners waiting to see their loved ones and I clench my fists. She shouldn’t have to be among these men, and I know they’ll see her and be thinking about her later. Just like I will.
I drop my head into my hands and I don’t know if I can do this. Maybe I should just tell the guard I don’t want to see her and go back to my cell. I’m so goddamn selfish that I agreed to let her do this, but I’m having regrets. I can’t let this touch her.
The soft sound of my name has me jerking my head up and the sight that greets me is enough to knock the wind out of me. I can’t speak as I slowly rise from the seat and tower over her small frame. I’d forgotten how small she is compared to me, but I didn’t forget how beautiful she is. Her dark blue eyes are more powerful than the picture, because not only do they look into my soul but they see through every part of me. I’m raw in front of her and there’s no place for me to hide.
“Lizzy,” I say, and it’s like I haven’t used my voice in a decade. I can’t even remember the last time I spoke. Maybe I’ve been saving it this whole time for her.