Some of the guys in the yard watch me as I do my laps, but my size and overall appearance keep them from approaching me. It won’t last long, but I’m glad to have the peace and quiet for now.
The alarm sounds when the hour is over and we have to line up to go back inside. I’m not ready to leave but I have no choice and I pull my shirt on before I’m led back to my cell.
When the door slams shut behind me and the locks engage, I turn around and face my cot and see that there’s something on it. It’s a small white envelope with cursive writing on the front of it.
I walk over and pick it up and see it’s a letter from Lizzy. My hand shakes so badly I drop it back onto my threadbare blanket and take a small step back. That’s all the room I have to get away from it before I’m hitting a wall.
I don’t know how long I stand there and stare at it before it gets the better of me and I sit down on the bed and open it up. I almost tear the thing in half with my clumsy hands. I’m like a bear trying to fold tissue paper, but eventually I get it.
My eyes scan the paper and I see her beautiful penmanship. She writes like a princess and I lie back on my cot to soak in every word.
* * *
Dear Rocco,
I sent you a request to come see you but I never heard back. It’s hard to know if you got the request or you rejected it. Either way, I thought maybe this might be the better solution for now, at least until I can see you in person and say what it is that’s been on my heart the past weeks.
Thank you for saving me that day from Gabe. I know that you did everything to protect me and I don’t know how I can ever repay you for what you did. I don’t blame you and I think you being in jail is just awful.
I was at the courtroom the day you were sentenced and it broke my heart hearing the judge issue the punishment. It’s not fair, and I’ve written to our state senators to look over your trial and see if justice was served. I don’t know if it will do any good, but every day I call and leave messages with their office staff. I feel like eventually someone will look into it because of how annoying I can be. Well, maybe not annoying, but persistent? I like to look at the positive in every situation, but I’m having a hard time seeing it with you sitting behind bars.
This is all just a jumbled mess in my head and I’ve got so much to tell you, but maybe you’d rather I let this go. I don’t know who else to turn to and I need you to know that your actions weren’t in vain.
You saved me that day, Rocco. I can’t think about what would have happened to me if you hadn’t shown up and come to my rescue. I keep thinking of you as my guardian angel, and when I think about you with a pair of wings on it makes me smile.
I’ll always think of you as the man who saved my life and the man who sacrificed himself and his freedom so that I could walk free. You will never know how truly grateful I am, and I’d love a chance to talk to you more and get to know you better.
I hope this makes it to you, and I hope you write back. But if you don’t, no hard feelings. I’ll be forever yours.
* * *
The one you saved,
Lizzy
I run my fingers over the letters and picture her sitting at a desk with the sun shining down on her as she writes it. I read it again quickly and then once more, slower this time. I spend hours analyzing every word and her sentence structure. I think over what she’s saying and what else she might mean and what I’m going to say when I write back.
Will I write back?
I shake my head at my own question because of course I will. I can’t not send her a letter back and have her think that her words fell on deaf ears. What she said moved something inside of me and now there is a place in my chest with her name on it.
When the next guard comes through on patrol I ask for pen and paper and he informs me that I’ll have to wait until tomorrow. I stare at him for a long moment then decide that I can’t wait that long. I bribe him with some cash and cigarettes even though I don’t smoke and I get the stuff I need right away. That’s the only way to get shit done in a prison.