I stood and paced. “I knew. I think I’ve always known.” Another wave of nausea hit me. “Oh my God…she’s been dealing with this for almost ten years. Alone. Fucking alone!”
“Yelling isn’t going to help you or Arabella, Hunter. You need to calm down,” Aiden said.
Turning to face him, I heard the pleading in my own voice. “I need his name, Aiden.”
He sighed and looked away.
“I know you can get it. I want it!”
“Then what are you going to do, Hunter?” he asked. “Go after him? Kill him? In case you’ve forgotten, you’re a cop.”
“I don’t give a fuck! He raped my girlfriend! He stole ten years of our lives! I want him to pay.” My hands cramped as I balled them into tight fists.
Bishop walked up to me and placed his hands on my upper arms. “Dude, you need to calm the fuck down. I get it—you just found out some pretty heavy shit. But right now, the only thing you need to focus on is Arabella. She’s going to need you to not lose your mind—and not go to jail.”
My entire body was numb.
“Did you hear me?” Bishop asked, giving me a little shake.
I felt pricks at the back of my eyes. I couldn’t even form tears anymore. “Yeah,” I whispered, suddenly more tired than I’d ever been in my entire life. Was this how Bella always felt? She’d said it more than once, how tired she was.
I closed my eyes. Oh God, Bella. I’m so sorry.
I stumbled back a few steps and looked at the three of them. Suddenly, the tears came. “I was supposed to protect her. Keep her safe. Be there for her when she needed me.”
The sadness in their eyes was too much to handle. I looked away.
“I wasn’t there for her. I wasn’t there for her. I just walked away and gave up.”
An image of Bella, the scarf I’d bought for her stuffed in her mouth, being raped, hit me. Before I knew what was happening, I collapsed to my knees and let out a strangled cry.
Someone dropped down next to me. Strong arms engulfed me, holding me as I rocked back and forth and cried. My guilt hit me so hard, it nearly stole the air from my lungs. Sobs ripped from my chest as I cried out, “Oh God, I wasn’t there for her!”
“It’s okay. It’s going to be okay, Hunter. I promise, because you are here for her now,” Aiden said, keeping a tight grip on me.
I wasn’t sure how long I sat on the front porch of Bella’s cabin. Someone had gotten my jacket from the car, and at some point I was hauled up off the floor and onto the swing. I wasn’t sure if I was numb from the cold, or the emotions running through my body.
I was so angry at the asshole who’d raped Bella. I was angry at myself for not realizing the truth that day she’d broken up with me. I was angry at Bella for not trusting me to do the right thing. And I was so fucking sad knowing she had dealt with this on her own, all this time.
The screen door to the house opened with a creak, and I glanced over to see it was Kyle.
“Is Bella okay?” I asked hoarsely.
He nodded. “Aiden and Christina, one of the counselors at the center, warned her you might react with anger. Though Abby said Bella broke down again when she heard you out here crying.”
I sighed. “I shouldn’t have lost it like that.”
Kyle sat next to me. “I would have done the same thing. I’m sure of it. So would Aiden and Bishop. You have every right to be angry and feel the emotions you’re feeling. I’m sure you’re feeling like a pendulum right about now.”
I scoffed. “I’ve got every single emotion hitting me. I want to go in there and comfort her, but I can’t until I get rid of the urge to rip this guy apart. And I honestly don’t know if that’s ever going to happen.”
Kyle looked back at the door, then at me. “Listen, I’m not going to pretend to know how you’re feeling. I know we’ve both dealt with rape cases before, but this is different. This hits home. But I think right now, you need to focus on Arabella. She needs you to get past this if you two are going to have any kind of a future.”
I nodded. “I know.”
“So…figure out a way to deal with the anger while you work on helping the woman you love heal.”
Slowly turning my head, I looked him in the eye. “Do you honestly think I’m going to simply let him live out the rest of his life without paying for what he did to her?”
Kyle smirked. “Fuck no, I don’t. And when the time comes, I’ll help you.”