“Oh God, Hunter. I’m so sorry!” I cried out as I grabbed his shirt and gasped for air.
He wrapped his arms around me tighter and pressed his mouth to my hair. “I’m right here, Bella. It’s okay, sweetheart. I’m right here.”
I woke with a start. Sitting up, I rubbed at my eyes as I tried to make sense of where I was. It hadn’t been a nightmare that woke me this time, but a feeling of something, or rather someone, missing.
Something moved next to me and I reached my hand down to feel fur.
Jack.
Looking to the other side of me, I found an empty bed. Hunter had left at some point, after I’d obviously cried myself to sleep.
Exhaling, I glanced around the dark room. I crawled out of the bed, only for Jack to follow me. “Where is he, boy?”
Jack looked toward the bedroom door. I drew in a deep breath and started toward it.
The sound of the TV downstairs alerted me to where Hunter had gone. I made my way down with Jack right by my side every step of the way. The TV wasn’t turned up much, so I could barely make out what was playing. When I got to the last step and saw Hunter, I felt butterflies in my stomach. I placed my hand over it as I took in a slow, deep breath.
He was asleep sitting up, his head back on the cushions with some show on the History Channel playing. I looked down at Jack, who was also staring at his dad with the same look of love on his face that I was positive I had. I felt so guilty. Hunter had been exhausted, and here he couldn’t even sleep in his own bed because I’d had a mental breakdown. A long-overdue one, but still.
Quietly making my way toward him, I sat down on the coffee table and took in a sleeping Hunter.
He was so handsome, it nearly stole the breath right from my lungs. His dark hair looked as if he’d run his fingers through it multiple times. The features of his face were relaxed, and for the moment, he looked peaceful. I took in his beautiful jawline, his soft lips that had me itching to kiss him. A perfect nose, and eyelashes so long any woman would kill for them.
What I wouldn’t do to be able to sleep so soundly. The blanket he had put over him had slipped free, so I carefully lifted it and covered him.
I bit down on my lip as I watched every small twitch his body made. My body warmed with each rise and fall of his chest. Confusion swam around in my head as I waffled between the urge to beg him to make love to me, and the need to run as far from my feelings as I could.
But I was so tired of running. When Hunter had held me earlier, it had been so easy to drift off to sleep in his arms. For the first time in so long, I’d felt safe, and I wanted that feeling again.
As if he could feel me watching him, Hunter lifted his head and opened his eyes. A beautiful smile broke over his face, and I felt myself fall even more in love with him. I prayed with everything I had that he’d be patient with me. That once he found out the truth, he’d forgive me. Because I wanted him like never before. I wanted to be his. I wanted to give him the children he wanted. I wanted to be his everything.
I wanted to not be afraid of him touching me or fear that the memories of that awful day would resurface.
“Did the TV wake you up?”
I shook my head. “No, I woke up, and you were gone.”
“I couldn’t sleep and didn’t want to disturb you.”
All I could do was nod. I opened my mouth to speak, but I couldn’t find the words I wanted to say. The ones I needed to say.
The stinging feeling of familiar tears building at the back of my eyes had me blinking rapidly. Hunter noticed because he noticed everything about me. He always had.
He reached for my hand. He was bound to get tired of this crying version of me.
“Talk to me, Bella.”
“I’m so scared, Hunter. I’m terrified.”
He tossed the blanket off of him and moved to the edge of the sofa. “Scared of what, Arabella?”
I dropped my hand to my lap. God, I was so tired. Ten years of denial and bottling up my feelings had left me weary.
Hunter softly cradled the side of my face with his hand, brushing my tears away with the pad of his thumb. “Scared of what, sweetheart?”
“I’m so scared you’re going to…to not want me again.”
“Not want you? Bella, I want you more now than I ever have. I love you, and no matter what you do or say, nothing is going to change that.” He reached for my hand and placed it over his heart. “This belongs to you, and if I have to wait a fucking eternity for you to open up to me, then I’ll wait. I just want you to trust me, to know that I’ll never leave you. I need you to surrender to me, Bella.”