Normally I hate liars, but Nick’s lies were never really lies. He always tells the truth, he just almost never tells the whole truth.
I’m OK with it. Because sometimes I need these almost-lies. Other times I don’t, and then I pick my way past what he’s saying and hear what he’s not saying. I feel like he gives me a choice. Do I want to be ignorant? If so, take him at his word. If not, dig deeper.
I like the choice. I like that he gives me the choice. It’s how he protects me. And even though I don’t want to know what he’s protecting me from—I prefer the almost-lie in that regard—I love the fuck out of him for doing it.
Nick makes a move, stepping forward towards Sasha. I inhale sharply, unsure how I feel about this. But then Sasha takes a step back—like she doesn’t want him to get too close—and I let that breath out.
I can’t see Nick’s lips. He knows better and has his back to me. I’ve never told him that I can read lips, but at this point in our relationship, he knows. He’s a careful man.
Sasha’s clothes are… I dunno. Predictable ex-assassin, I guess. Her look says, Yep. I’m a mom and I live in the suburbs, but don’t fuck with me. At least, that’s what I see.
Her lips move just as her diamond wedding ring sparkles in the sun. Nothing to say to me? So apparently Nick isn’t talking. Well? You guys brought me here, what the fuck do you want?
“Maybe we should give them privacy?” Merc says.
“Knock yourself out,” I snap. His comment made me miss something because now Sasha is walking towards Nick. And he’s just letting her!
My heart is beating fast again, the tunnel vision starting. I close my eyes, missing even more, as I pull myself together.
I am in charge of me.
Sweet, beautiful, perfect, whole.
I am in charge of me.
Everlasting, transcendent, exceptional, extraordinary.
I control me, no one else.
Remarkable, exquisite, priceless, sublime.
When I open my eyes again, my heart is back to normal and Nick is looking over his shoulder at the house. But it’s just a quick look and I don’t think he spots Merc and me in the window.
Do I scare you or something? Sasha laughs. Because I’m not that girl anymore. Haven’t been her since that day out in Kansas when I killed you.
Well. She’s not subtle, is she? Goes right for the kill shot.
I miss what happens next because Nick looks over his shoulder again and I lock in on his face for that brief moment and memorize it. Then analyze it.
What is he thinking right now?
He loves her?
He wants her?
I miss more, because Sasha’s now demanding to know Nick’s thoughts. And then… it’s like the dam breaks and there is a flurry of words coming out of Sasha’s mouth. But they come with hand gestures, and movement, and feelings.
So many, many fucking feelings.
I lose track again.
And then… then her whole face changes. She’s not angry, she’s sad now. She cries. And I know this affects Nick. Maybe she planned it that way? Because he takes steps and steps towards her, and she does not back up this time.
Then they are so close I can’t see her face anymore. I break for the door. Merc makes a grab at my arm, but I pull out of his reach, throw the door open and stand on the front stoop. Just… watching them.
Sasha sidesteps away, and Nick turns and see me watching them.
Everything changes.
Sasha stops crying.
Nick turns away from her, walks down the driveway to me, and as he gets closer, he extends his hand.
I don’t want to meet him halfway, and I don’t. But I do come down the steps. I can’t help myself.
“Hey. Come here. I wanna introduce you to someone.” When he reaches me, he takes my hand. But I’m focused on Sasha now, because she followed him.
Of course she followed him. I know the stories of these two. They were promised. Her dad was forced to make a deal with his dad and that was gonna be it for them. Marriage, Company kids, whatever.
Nick was the one who walked out.
Sasha was always the one who couldn’t let go.
“I know who she is,” I say. “I’ll leave you two alone.”
Nick has a hold of my hand when I try to pull away, but he tugs me towards him until we bump together. “Nothing. Has changed.” His voice is low, but clear. “Understand me?” Then he pulls back a little so he can look me in the eyes and wait for my answer.
I nod.
He turns and smiles. “Sash, this is Wendy. Wendy, Sasha.”
Sasha Cherlin and I stare at each other. We could be twins, maybe. If I were older or she were younger. Same blonde hair, same evil blue eyes.