“Don’t, Carmine. It’s not funny.”
“That was between our parents. That shit’s dead and done with. We were only ever going through with it to make the families happy, but they don’t exist anymore.”
Relief hit me like a train. I blinked back tears and nodded. So he wasn’t going to hold me to the old arrangement. It was absurd, now that I was thinking about it—but I wasn’t in the right state of mind. I’d been abused for a few days and practically starved, and my head was moving through the world like sludge.
“Ah, shit, Cap, I’m sorry. I’m really fucking up tonight. Listen, you’re free. You don’t have to go anything you don’t want to do anymore. No more parents forcing you into marriages or pushing you down the stairs or whatever the fuck your dad used to do. It’s all done. You’re free.”
It was hard to understand. I’d never been free my whole life. My father always had control, from my youngest days up until an hour ago. My life had been dictated, planned, and monitored, and the prospect of having true freedom, of being able to pick what I did and when was overwhelming and terrifying, but exciting in a way I’d never experienced before.
I wiped away the tears. Carmine watched me, a little wary. Probably afraid I’d keep crying.
“You don’t know how good that feels.”
“I’m glad. I’m sorry you went through all that fucked-up stuff. I really, really am, and I’ll make sure he pays.”
“I’m still in this. Even if I have the choice not to be.”
“I’m really happy to hear that. Cap, Mal, and Carmine together again. The world’s been put back together.”
He grinned and I smiled back, but I didn’t feel like anything was like it used to be. Too much had changed and I knew there was no going back, not from what was growing between Mal and me, and not from the violence was hurtled toward our little group like a speeding train filled with dynamite.
“I love you like a sister, Cap,” Carmine said, giving me a side-hug.
“I love you like a brother.” I punched him in the shoulder. “Don’t you fucking fake your death on me again, you selfish prick. Do you have any idea how upset I’ve been?”
He grimaced. “I know, I know. It was messed up.”
“Really messed up. Poor Mal was a wreck.”
“Was he really?”
“You should’ve seen him.”
“It’s hard to imagine Mal feeling much of anything, if I’m honest.”
I let out a long breath. “Yeah, well, you don’t know Mal as well as you thought then.”
He gave me a considering look and nodded. “Maybe you’re right. I’ll try to fix that. Now come on, let’s get some food in you before you wither away from starvation.”
“That works for me.”
I followed him back to the building. The neighborhood was quiet. People slept, lost in their dreams, stuck in their own lives.
My world had expanded. Possibilities opened up before me that I never guessed would exist. I could go anywhere, do anything, and there was nothing to hold me back anymore.
Except for one thing. The one thing that continued to tear me up inside with a vicious longing.
We headed back upstairs to see Mal.
Chapter 30
Mal
We stayed the night at my place. I didn’t get a chance to talk with Cap. Jealousy bubbled in my chest like lava but when she sat down to eat, she put her hand on my thigh, just for one second, a small gesture, but it dulled the anger. Carmine joked about what it was like being dead, and I smiled like I wasn’t secretly dying for him to get the fuck out of the room so I could hold and kiss Cap like I wanted to.
Eventually we slept. Cap in my room. Me and Mal in the living room.
We left in the morning. “I’ve got a place near here,” Carmine said. “It’s my base of operations.”
“I thought you were working out in the thorn bush desert,” I said.
“Tamaulipan Calcareous Thornscrub,” Carmine corrected.
“The what now?” Cap asked.
“The fucking desert,” Carmine said with a sigh. “You two are so uneducated.”
“Speak for yourself,” Cap said, tilting her chin in the air. “I’ve had the finest tutors possible.”
“You got taught by a string of violent mafia guys your father forced into the job,” Carmine said, laughing. “All you know is how to kill a man fifty different ways.”
“Best possible education,” I said.
The banter felt good. It felt like we were friends again even if the unspoken resentment still simmered between us. Cap looked perfect in my old clothes and all I wanted was to rip them off and tease her until she screamed with lust and pleasure, but Carmine made it all impossible.
His hideout was a house at the end of a cul-de-sac. It was a nice house, two-car garage, stucco walls, Spanish-style architecture. There were a couple trucks parked outside.