There’s so much I should’ve said, how I’ll always want her and that her virginity only makes me that much more determined to claim her. But that’s the problem. If I told her even a fraction of that, I knew I’d end up roaring all of it out.
I was so full of fire, so pumped up, I could hardly think straight.
I swing by the curtain place and grab the new sets for the gym, and then make my way back across the city.
The turn that will take me to her neighborhood is coming up. As I approach, I tell myself I’m not going to turn that way, there’s no good that can come of it.
I tell myself it’s creepy, even, swinging by her place like this just so I can get a look at her.
But none of it matters. My declarations turn to ash.
My hunger for her is too ferocious, the need too deeply set inside of me, as though it’s in my bones, my soul, my everything.
I drive through her neighborhood slowly, giving me plenty of time to turn back.
As I pass the houses, I can’t help but imagine Lorena and me moving into a place of our own. I see a white picket fence with a few bikes in the front yard, with my woman sitting in a chair with a book in her hand. I see our children running around her, playfully vying for her attention, and the way their faces light up when she focuses on one of them.
I see the passion with which she’ll pull them into a wide embrace, enveloping them all. And then look up at me and smile over the tops of their heads.
Our eyes will meet and she’ll smile in that just-Lorena way, silently telling me we made it. We overcame all our obstacles and we won our happily ever after.
But then, as I get closer to her house, the fantasy splits in two and I see Jamie instead staring at me with his mouth twisted as he tries to fight off tears.
“She was my girlfriend, dad,” his voice says in my mind. “She was mine through all of high school. And yeah, we broke up, but we stayed friends. We stayed friends and you ruined it. How could you even think about doing this? What’s wrong with you?”
I pull up across the street from her house. There’s a car out front, but not the one I loaned to Lorena. Hell… loaned.
I’m going to provide for her for the rest of our lives. I’m not loaning her anything.
Maybe she’s parked in the garage. But it’s a sunny day, the sky is clear, and there are no signs of rain.
No, the truth is I’m acting like a complete jackass and I never should’ve come here. If she were to walk out of her front door right now, I know I wouldn’t be able to hold myself back. I’d charge from the car like a madman and loop my arms around her waist, pulling her right up against me, claiming those kissable lips as only I ever will.
I need to leave. This was a mistake.
I’m about to start the engine when somebody knocks on my window.
I turn quickly, looking up at Lorena’s father.
Mitchell is wearing a baggy sweater, but something tells me he filled it out once. I remember him as a study, strong man, who’d stand at the door and welcome Lorena when I dropped her home after a date with Jamie.
A date with Jamie.
The is fucked.
But it’s not like I can ignore the man.
Lowering the window, I offer him a smile. Or what I hope is a smile.
“I knew that was you. What brings you around these parts, Lukas?”
My mind races with possible answers. Most urgently, I want to tell him the truth. A man should always be respectful to the father of his woman. He shouldn’t lie to him. And yet it’s not like I can just come out and say it.
“I was in the neighborhood and I wanted to check that everything was okay with the car.”
The excuse sounds lame as hell, even to me, but Mitchell doesn’t question it. He has no reason to. As far as he knows – as anybody knows – I’m just a family friend.
“It was fine when she left for school,” Mitchell says.
From beneath him, a dog starts yapping. I lean out of the window and look down at the little Chihuahua.
“Hey there, Chirpy.”
He wags his tail, grinning up at me.
“It’s nice to see you too.”
“Lorena’s going to be home any minute now, if you want to wait and take a look at the car?”
“It’s fine, Mitchell. I wouldn’t want to impose.”
“No, no, not at all.” Mitchell smiles. “Between you and me, I’m having a pretty good day. This basically means I haven’t puked my guts up and I’ve got enough energy to walk this little guy. Viola is making a bite to eat. I’m sure there’s enough to go around.”