“And instead of saving me, you were being a creeper instead.”
“It’s not my fault Knight Delicious Face was choking on your dick. Honestly, Sam. I could see it bulging in his throat.”
“Good job,” Tiggy said, patting my shoulder.
I glared at both of them.
“Fine.” Gary rolled his eyes. “Maybe we talked about this behind your back and then practiced what we were going to say. But it’s only because we love you, in case you hadn’t noticed.”
“A lot,” Tiggy added. “This much.” He held his arms out as wide as they could go.
“Damn you,” I said with a sniff. “You make me have feelings when I’m trying to be annoyed. It’s your face. It does things to me.”
“I got good face,” Tiggy said. And he was certainly right about that.
“I’ll start,” Gary said. “Randall and Morgan are both idiots. Vadoma can’t be trusted. Ruv is hot, and if you were single, I’d tell you to stick your dick in his butt, but you have Ryan, and he’s your cornerstone, and you love him and his asshole.”
“Preach,” Tiggy said. “Also, people be cray-cray.”
“Exactly,” Gary said. “People be cray-cray. This whole prophecy thing, which, do we even need to discuss why Tiggy and I weren’t mentioned? We’re not sidekicks.”
“Nope,” Tiggy said. “Tiggy no sidekick.”
“You’re my sidekick,” Gary said.
“Oh. Right. Okay.”
“Anyway,” Gary said. “This whole prophecy thing. Maybe it’s made up. Maybe it’s not. Maybe a star dragon did come out of the sky and tell your crazy grandma that you were going to be born and do some shit, or whatever it said.”
“Save the world from falling into darkness?” I said, trying not to be amused but failing miserably.
“Right,” Gary said dismissively. “Saving the world and stuff. Maybe it’s true and maybe it isn’t. But you know what is true?”
“What?”
He looked right at me, eyes impossibly wide and glistening. “You’ll always have us by your side,” he whispered.
And no, no I would not break—
He fluttered his eyelashes.
“Damn you!” I cried at him, breath hitching in my chest. “Why must you do that to me?”
“I’m sorry!” he wailed. “We just need you to know you mean something to us!”
“Yeah,” Tiggy said, great globular tears on his cheeks. “Mean something and stuff.”
“You’re so manipulative! The both of you.”
“Yes, well,” Gary said, suddenly dry-eyed. “It’s necessary for the next part.”
I groaned as I put my face in my hands. “I don’t even want to know, do I?”
“Knight Delicious Face,” Tiggy said.
I groaned even louder.
“We thought…,” Gary started before trailing off. And there was something in his voice that made me think he was being serious now. “We thought you already knew.”