“You’re friends with Gary,” Ryan said. “There’s nothing innocent about you.”
“Rude,” I said. “Also the truth. I’ll allow it.”
“Please,” Randall said. “Continue to waste my time. This will only better my mood.”
“Sorry, Randall,” Ryan said, bowing low. “I know your time is valuable.”
“I know your time is valuable,” I mocked under my breath.
“At least one of you respects me enough to say so,” Randall said. “Thank you, Knight Commander.”
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I must have not gotten the invitation to the Randall and Ryan Mutual Jerkoff Society.”
Ryan stared at me, horrified.
Randall’s ancient liver lips twitched briefly.
“He’s not going to hex you,” I told Ryan. “He would have to face my wrath.”
“Wailed the tiny, insignificant speck of dust,” Randall said.
“Please forgive Sam,” Ryan said. “He’s had a… troubling couple of days.”
“Really,” Randall said. “And how do you explain everything else?”
“Um,” Ryan said. “He’s had a… troubling life?”
“I really have,” I said. “Though, I blame a lot of other people rather than myself. It’s easier that way.”
“As enlightening as this has been,” Randall said, “and it truly has been in ways I did not anticipate, we have places to be.”
“See?” Ryan whispered to me. “Ominous.”
I was in complete agreement. “And where are we going?”
“Why,” Randall said, “to face your destiny, of course.”
“You’re doing that on purpose,” I accused.
“Probably,” Randall said. “But then, I’ve never met someone with a destiny before. Gods only know what this is going to do to your ego. I shiver at such a thought.”
“And I have to go too?” Ryan asked nervously. “Surely Sam will be just fine on his own.”
“Traitor!” I gasped, outraged. “Thrown me to the wolves already? What happened to all the promises of love and fealty after I fucked your butt?”
“Randall scares me,” Ryan said.
“This makes me happy,” Randall said.
“I also have knights to train. It’s Wednesday. On Wednesdays, we attach seventy-five-pound packs to our backs and run around an obstacle course in full armor. It’s actually a lot of fun. It boosts morale when we make it a contest.”
“Right,” I said. “Ryan has to go do that thing that just sounds terrible, and I’m sure Morgan needs me to work on my Grimoire in silence without anyone else around talking about things like fate and destiny and blah, blah, blah.”
“Pete’s overseeing the knights,” Randall said. “And Morgan’s waiting for us.”
“Oh,” Ryan said. “Crap. Okay, but. Why do I have to go?”
“You’re Sam’s cornerstone, are you not?” Randall asked. “Though, I suppose if you’re too busy, we can always ask Ruv to stand in on your behalf. I’m sure he and Sam won’t gaze into each other’s eyes at all.”