“I told you before, Sam of Wilds. There will be sacrifice—”
“Don’t,” I said, standing and glaring up at the sky. “Unless you tell me how to stop it, then don’t. You say you’re impartial. You speak in nothing but vague bullshit. Nothing is going to happen to any of them. Not while I still draw breath. You will not take them from me.”
“Sometimes,” the star dragon said sadly, “I do not have a choice.”
Then the sky exploded and I—
III: The Dark Woods
Chapter 17: The King of the Dark Woods Fairies (Gonna Go for a Mustache Ride)
SAM.
Sam.
Sam!
SAM!
I opened my eyes.
“Oooh, I am so Sam right now!”
“Yes, yes you are! I am just railing into you. Giving it to you like a boss.”
“Oh, yes! Boss me around. I’m your slutty secretary that will get you coffee and then bend over your desk!”
“Wait. Wait. Wait. Are we role-playing right now? Because I need to know if we’re role-playing right now. If we are, you have to give me time to get into character. I can’t just—”
“Moment ruined! I am losing my erection. I am the opposite of Sam right now. I am not even remotely Sam right now.”
“Whyyyy,” I moaned up at the night sky that stretched above us as we camped along the edge of the Dark Woods. “Whyyyy does this have to be a thing?”
“You’re telling me,” a voice muttered.
I turned my head to see Justin sitting near the fire, stoking it with a burned stick. Sparks rose up in the smoke, blinking in and out.
“They’re supposed to be on watch,” I muttered, scrubbing a hand over my face. “How long have they been at it?”
“At least an hour.” Justin made a face. “They’re… exuberant.”
“That’s not the word I’d use.” I tried to sit up from my bedroll, but there was a heavy arm across my chest. I looked over and saw Ryan asleep and drooling on my shoulder. It should not have been as endearing as it was, and I wanted nothing more than to curl up next to him and follow him back into sleep, but then Gary started making his I’m-getting-revved-up-again noises, and I knew it wasn’t going to happen.
“I’m going to kill him,” I said as I wriggled out from underneath Ryan’s arm, careful not to wake him. “I am going to murder my best friend, and I won’t even feel bad about it.”
There was an answering snore, and I glanced over to see Tiggy asleep up against a large boulder, his chin against his chest, his hands in his lap, where Gary had been when we’d lain down for the night.
“These are your people,” Justin reminded me. “That reflects on you.”
“You’re also my people,” I said as I stood and stretched, back popping. “So take that as you will.”
“I am not your people.”
“I am a love dragon!” Kevin shouted in the distance. “Feel my love as it pulses through you!”
“There is so much pulsing!” Gary screeched in response. “I am filled with your pulses!”
I shuddered.