“How is it you got even hotter because of a beard?” I demanded. “You grew facial hair, and now I want to give you a facial!”
Everyone groaned. Except Kevin. Kevin said, “Dibs on sitting in the front row splash zone for that performance.”
“I’m so glad the gang is back together with Kevin picking up right where he left off,” Justin said dryly. “And as much as I want to continue to listen to the drivel that I’m sure is coming—”
“Ha!” Gary said. “Coming. You just made that dirty. I’m rubbing off on you.”
“We could make that a thing,” Kevin said, eyeing Justin up and down. “Justin and I used to be almost lovers.”
“Thank you for that profound contribution,” Justin said, crossing his arms over his chest. “And we were not almost anything. As I was saying, we might have other matters to deal with right now. Namely two gigantic pissed-off dragons that are circling above us like vultures.”
As if they could hear the Prince, the feathered dragons shrieked in the distance, flying high above us, looking ready to attack at any moment.
“I tried
flirting with them,” Kevin said to Gary. “It didn’t work. They must have been able to see I’m a fan of penises somehow.”
“You know, when I agreed to a trial reconciliation, I thought part of the agreement was that you wouldn’t flirt with everything that moved,” Gary snapped at him. “Even though you couldn’t talk, I assumed that’s what you agreed to since I decided to pay attention to you again.”
“It wasn’t real,” Kevin said, dropping his head on the ground. “No, baby. Look at me. Look at me with those bright, beautiful eyes. There they are. Yes. So pretty you are. Baby, listen. Listen to your boy. I was just trying to distract them so they wouldn’t go after Sam and Randall! I don’t even like other dragons. You know that. Besides, why would I look anywhere else when you’re all I need? Baby, baby, baby, have I told you that your mane looks pretty today? Because it does. Just like it does every day. You are the fire that burns deep within me.”
“You owe me, Haversford,” Ryan muttered in my ear. “So bad.”
“Baby,” I teased. “Look at me. Look at me with those bright, beautiful—” I started to laugh as he shoved me away, but his hand hit my bad shoulder and I shouted in pain instead. My eyes watered as I hunched over, shying away from any further touch.
“Sam?” Ryan asked, sounding uncertain, making an aborted gesture as he reached for me.
“He’s been hurt,” Randall said, standing above me. “His shoulder has been dislocated. It’ll need to be set.”
Ryan’s eyes narrowed. “The dragons did this?”
“No,” I said, wincing. “Not technically. Hit a wall after they started chasing us.”
“I’m going to kill them,” Ryan growled, reaching for his sword.
“Dude,” I said. “You being all protective like that with a beard is my new sexuality. Just so you know.”
“And you,” Gary said, glaring at me over Ryan. “You can bet that you and I are going to have a good, long discussion about almost dying without even inviting me.”
“Me too,” Tiggy said. “Not cool, Sam.”
“Done and done,” I said. “But first we all need to stand in a row and look all badass as we face down lesbian feather dragons, one of whom thinks I’m cute and the other who wants to murder my face because I kicked her in the eye.”
Everyone stared at me.
“What?” I asked, confused.
Ryan sighed. “How sad is it that everything you just said not only makes sense, but is actually not that surprising?”
I beamed at him. “Dude, I totally love you. You don’t even know.”
“Yeah, yeah. Let’s kick some dragon ass—”
“Ahem.”
“Oh my gods. Sam, come on.”
I glared at him. “Have you been cursing the whole time we’ve been apart?”