Wizard
The dragon wasn’t like Kevin or even Zero. From what I could make out, it was… smaller than Kevin but no less intimidating, especially since I’d followed Randall’s lead and had technically entered its lair uninvited. I took a step back, trying to make myself seem as unintimidating as possible. “We’re cool,” I said. “We’re so cool. I’m not here to do any harm. I just need your help to defeat a villain and save Verania. No big deal. It’s no big deal at all.”
“Why are you talking like that?” Randall whispered.
“Because I’m trying to be calm,” I hissed back. “I’m like a motherfucking dragon whisperer, okay? I totally know what I’m doing. Mostly. And besides, for all we know, maybe they’re stupid and don’t even—”
“Sam?”
“What?”
“There’s a dragon standing right behind you.”
“Har, har.” I glanced over my shoulder. “That’s not very—”
There was a dragon standing right behind me.
Okay, so maybe standing wasn’t exactly the right word as much as it was attached to the wall of the cave, long neck stretched toward me, blue eyes flashing, slitted nostrils flaring, teeth bared, tongue flicking out toward me as it rumbled low in its throat. Its great wings stretched out on either side of it, and I had a moment to appreciate the sheer beauty of what I was seeing, because Randall had been right. The wings were feathered. In fact, the whole dragon looked as if it was covered in feathers, and I had never seen anything like it before.
And then the reality of the situation set in as rocks shifted behind us.
I whirled around to see the second dragon rising from its perch on one of the jutted cliffs that stuck out over the room we were in. Its tail twitched as it hung off the edge, scraping along the ice. It narrowed its eyes as it growled, crouching down low on its front legs as it stared down at us.
So, to recap:
Two dragons, both of which had higher ground.
One was above the path that led back toward the cave entrance.
The other was on a cliff above us.
“Um,” I said. “Fuck. Randall. No offense. But you have terrible ideas.”
He started sputtering.
“No time for that,” I said. “I need to get us out of this mess you’ve gotten us into.”
“That I’ve gotten us—”
“Okay, here’s the plan. I’m going to try and talk our way out of this.”
“That is an awful plan. In case you can’t tell, they aren’t exactly happy see you.”
“Don’t you mean they’re not happy to see us?”
Randall stared at me blandly. “I’ve already given them an offering. They’re not going to be mad at me.”
I gaped at him.
He shrugged.
“Okay. I got this. I so got this. They’re just posturing. Zero did the same exact thing. They just need to be put in their place.”
Twin growls echoed around me.
“Okay, okay! You don’t need to be put in any place. Look. Let’s start over! My name is Sam of Wilds. And I am an adorable twink. You are lesbian dragons. With feathers. And really big teeth. Just let me love you.”
“I can’t believe the gods chose you,” Randall muttered. “Out of everyone.”