“I heard that. I hear everything.”
“Creepy bastard,” I muttered and was knocked off my feet again.
“AND YOU’RE not going to read over my shoulder?” I asked him suspiciously. It was the afternoon, and we were seated in the labs. I was hunched over my Grimoire, trying my best to hide the page that I’d randomly turned to away from him (DEAR DIARY, I THINK RYAN SMILED AT ME TODAY. OR HE WAS SMILING AT SOMEONE BEHIND ME. OR HE HAD GAS. I DON’T KNOW. IT WAS MADE OF ACTUAL SUNSHINE REGARDLESS).
“I’m not going to read over your shoulder.” He wasn’t amused.
“Pinkie swear?” I asked, holding up said digit.
He glared at it like it was the most offensive thing he’d ever seen. Then, surprising the hell out of me, he extended his own pinkie, hooked it with mine, and shook our hands up and down twice.
I gaped at him as he dropped my hand.
“You tell anyone that I did that,” he said, “and I’ll reverse your anus.”
“Meep,” I said. “Okay, but follow-up question. Would it make me look like I had a tail or—and that must be your I’m About to Reverse Your Anus Face, so I’ll just shut up now. And yes, before you ask, that was capitalized, so it’s true now.”
With that, I turned to the Grimoire, opening to the page where I’d given a rather general description of what had transpired since Vadoma had been to the castle. Each major event (Vadoma, Ruv, the prophecy, the dragons, Myrin) was given its own section, with blank pages following so I could go back and fill in the blanks later.
I looked at Vadoma’s section first:
Vadoma is the worst, though I don’t have time right now to list every reason why. But trust me when I say there are a lot of them, and I am completely valid in my feelings about her.
“Yeesh,” I muttered. “No wonder you want to reverse my anus.”
Randall just grunted, reading through a scroll from a rather uncomfortable-looking sofa chair, feet propped up near the fire that flickered and cast shadows on the ice.
I picked up the quilled feather pen and began to write:
I didn’t know what to think of her. The fact that she came out of nowhere after all these years was an automatic strike against her. And it wasn’t just because she was coming for me. No, I didn’t even care about me. My anger that she’d come to Castle Lockes had everything to do with my mother. The fact that Vadoma could banish her daughter because of something as simple as love had never sat right with me. My mother never spoke ill of Vadoma. In fact, I might go as far to say that there was always love there, even if it was laced with bitterness. I wondered how you could have love for someone who had cast you out and turned their back on you.
I know now that love is a peculiar thing.
So she came, and it was strained. I don’t know if they ever spoke one-on-one or if Mother even wanted to. If I were her, I don’t know that I could have stood being in the same room with Vadoma alone. Knowing the history, that this woman knew enough about life to become a mother but not enough to act like one? Maybe that doesn’t make me a good person. Certainly not a forgiving one. But even I lost sight of that when she opened her mouth and spilled what had to be the most terrible collection of words in the history of ever. And it all got a little hazy after that, and I felt like—
“YOU’RE JUST going through the motions,” Randall growled as I lay on my back yet again. “You’re not focusing.”
“Oh, trust me, I’m going to focus all over your ass as soon as I can move,” I muttered, staring up at the icy ceiling.
“You’re distracted. Your mind isn’t here. You are wasting my time as much as your own.”
“Then maybe I should just leave.”
“You’d like that, wouldn’t you? Just to give up and walk away.”
I pushed myself up. “I haven’t walked away yet. From anything.”
“You might as well,” he said with a scoff. “For all the good that you’re doing.”
“Maybe if you weren’t being such an ass about—”
“Get up so we can go again.”
“I’m tired,” I grumbled. “We’ve been at this for hours.”
“Are you ready to tell me a secret?”
I rose slowly to my feet. My knees felt wobbly, but I ignored the sensation. “That’s what this is? You’ll go easier on me if I tell you something you think you want to know?”