The star dragon shrugged. “Eh.”
“Eh? That’s what you’re going with? Eh? That’s it. When this whole thing is done and over with, I’m going full-on atheist. You hear me? Once I kick Myrin’s ass and get my happily ever after, you don’t exist to me. At all.”
“Just because you don’t believe in us doesn’t mean we don’t believe in you.”
I gaped at him.
He stared back at me.
“You asshole,” I said. “Why do you have to make me have feelings? That was dirty pool, you dick.”
“I come,” the star dragon said, “with a warning.”
I sighed. “Of course you do. Fine. Go ahead. Hit me with it.”
“Ooooo, hear me now, Sam of Wilds. The dark man in shadows is moving. His plan has changed. His fingers stretch over the surface of the world, and in his blackened heart, he looks to the consumption of magic to—”
“Hold up,” I said. “Let’s curb the theatrics for a moment. I know about the whole magic-eating thing already.”
“Noooo you doooooon’t,” the star dragon said. “You’re hearing it for the first time from me. Lo and behold! For I bring you tidings of great warning.”
“Legit, you are telling me something I already know.”
The star dragon deflated. “Dammit, I thought that would work. Why can’t you be more susceptible? Humans are normally so stupid when it comes to the gods. I regret this. I regret this whole thing.”
“If it makes you feel any better, I don’t quite have the specifics behind it yet.”
“Strangely, no, that doesn’t make me feel better.”
“Oh. Well. Sucks, dude.”
“I can’t give you the specifics.”
“Right. Because of the whole impartiality thing. Which you guys aren’t very good at.”
His starry eyes widened. “Oh! I know something you don’t.”
“That’s… kind of a given. You’re a god.”
“The mated pair. The mountain dragons.”
That caught my attention. “What about them? Do you know them? Could you put in a good word for me? Dude, you have no idea how much easier it would be if they’d just come over to me and, like, be my friends or something. That way we wouldn’t have to go through the whole song and dance that I went through with Kevin. And with Zero. I’d really rather not be chased. They probably have gigantic teeth. And honestly? Me and gigantic teeth really don’t do well together, especially when they’re snapping in my direction.”
“I can’t do that,” the dragon said. “But I can give you a hint.”
I scowled at him. “Your hints usually suck balls.”
“Take it or leave it.”
“Fine. Hint away.”
“The mated pair are both… female.”
“What,” I said flatly, because what?
“The mountain dragons are female.”
“Uh, yeah. Got that the first time. I don’t know what that’s supposed to help me with. Hints mean help. Did you not know that? That’s sad that you didn’t—holy fucking shit, lesbian dragons!”