Kevin’s lip curled. “I like the way you think. Though I don’t know if I’m into wound play.”
That made me a little queasy. “That’s a thing?”
He shrugged. “Anything’s a thing if you want it to be. You just have to have an active imagination.”
“Gross,” I muttered. “Also, let’s not talk about this ever again.”
“You started it.”
“For once, you’re right about that. And I wish I hadn’t. So. Moving on. Oh no, my pal! It’s not even noticeable!”
“Don’t listen to him,” Gary said, looking up at Kevin. “He doesn’t know what he’s talking about. It’s totally noticeable. But if you’re lucky, it’ll scar and be sexy and—”
“You think I’m sexy?” Kevin asked.
Gary coughed. “I mean… sure. Um. If you like that kind of thing, I guess.”
“Huh,” Kevin said. “And do you like that kind of thing?”
“Maybe? I mean, I don’t not like it.”
“They love each other,” Tiggy whispered to me.
“I know, big guy,” I said, patting his arm.
“Where did they come from?” Ryan asked, coming to stand at my side. “And how did they hurt you? I thought dragons were impervious to magic?”
“The woods,” Kevin rumbled. “I heard them with their whizbangs and their sparklies and decided it was probably best if I ended their lives before they could do any damage to the city.” He puffed his chest out. “If you ask me, I must say that I was really rather brave.”
Gary was about to swoon. “The bravest,” he said breathlessly, eyeing Kevin like he was a piece of meat he wanted to choke down. “Tell me of your conquest. Leave no details out.”
Kevin must have heard the come fuck me in Gary’s voice, because he leered down at him in a way that made me intensely uncomfortable. “They came out of the trees,” he purred, eyes flashing. “And I told them that if they didn’t turn and march themselves right back to where they’d come from, that they would draw their last breath upon the field in which they stood.”
“Oh my,” Gary whispered.
“You should just ignore his erection,” I told Ryan.
Ryan looked scandalized. “I was until you said that.”
“And then I pulled myself to my full height, my muscles rippling and glistening in the sunlight—”
“Why were your muscles glistening?” I asked. “That doesn’t even make any sense.”
Gary glared at me. “It makes perfect sense. Just because you lack an imagination doesn’t mean the rest of us have to suffer along with you.”
“I’m just saying. Why was he glistening? Did he rub oil on himself—I shouldn’t have said that.”
“That’s exactly what I did,” Kevin said. “I was glistening because of the oil that I spurted on myself in anticipation of battle. I was hot and hard and moist and shiny—”
“I can’t stop staring at it,” Ryan said.
“We were good while we lasted,” I said to him. “I understand if you don’t think I can satisfy you anymore after seeing it. I know you’re a bit of a size queen.”
“Ick on my face,” Tiggy said as he frowned.
“That’s because you smashed. Come here.”
Tiggy bent over as I ripped part of a robe that hadn’t been sullied from a Dark wizard. I figured it was okay because the Dark wasn’t going to use it anymore, given that he looked like he’d been left roasting over a fire pit too long. I reached up and wiped off Tiggy’s face.