Ox pulled himself closer and closer.
Livingstone raised his arm, jaws open wide.
He bit down.
Or at least he tried.
Ox caught the upper jaw with his right hand and the lower jaw with his left. The fangs pierced his palms, and the flare of pain through the bonds was almost too much to take. We were all Ox, and we all felt the ravaging his body had taken, the stutter of his heart.
But through it all, we heard him.
He said, this life this life it’s not one i expected
it’s not one i imagined
worth it
can’t you see
all of this was worth it
because of you
all of you
We were there, we were there, we were with him as he showed us what he meant. They were quick, these thoughts, but filled with so much life it was a wonder all of this could come from just one person.
Here was Ox, a large and quiet boy, staring in wonder at the family before him, a tornado on his back.
Here was Ox, sitting behind the garage, surrounded by Rico and Tanner and Chris and Gordo, snowman wrapping paper in his lap holding a shirt with his name on it.
Here was Ox, running with me and Kelly under the light of the full moon, and he was laughing, laughing, laughing.
Here was Ox, heart tripping at the sight of a girl named Jessie, dropping tools and walking into a wall.
Here was Ox, and he was watching our mother sing an old Dinah Shore song, that she didn’t mind being lonely when her heart knew he was lonely too.
Here was Ox, asking a man with a secret smile if they could be friends.
Here was Ox, pressing his palm against Bambi’s sweaty forehead, a newborn Joshua wailing in her arms.
Here was Ox, his forehead against Dominique’s, telling her that she had a place with us, that she could stay as long as she wanted to.
Here was Ox and me, sitting in a car, and he was saying he’s never kissed a guy, and then I kissed him, and oh.
Here was Ox, taking Gavin in his arms and saying that this was the place he belonged.
And here, here, here was Ox, and his heart was full. Joe was smiling at him. It was such a tiny thing, but it meant more to Ox than almost anything else in the world. Joe was smiling, and Ox loved him fiercely.
this, Ox whispered, this is what you have made me into this this this is what i have become because of you thank you thank you for loving me for holding me for making me whole.
Everything.
We gave him everything we could with the last of our strength.
His eyes were blazing.
Livingstone snarled.