My eyes flashed open. “What?”
Joe and Kelly cackled.
“No. Seriously. What?” I sat up, shoving them off me. Kelly rolled on the ground, his hands pressed against his middle. Joe was shaking his head, lips pulled back over his teeth as he bellowed out his laughter. “Guys. Listen to me. What… what do I do with a penis? I mean, how does that work? Am I a power top? And what the hell is a power top and how do I know that?”
“Oh my god,” Kelly groaned. “No. We are not having this conversation.”
“Does getting fucked hurt?” I wondered aloud. “I’ve never thought about it. I’ve never even considered it. How do I do that? Lube, I guess. That makes sense. Can I borrow some lube?”
Joe grimaced. “Dude. Not cool. You never touch another man’s lube. Get your own!”
“I can’t. I’m the mayor! Everyone will know what I’m using it for!”
“Jesus Christ,” Kelly said. “Let’s go back to being sad and talking about feelings and shit.”
I grinned at them. “You would think for two guys who’ve chowed down on some cock, you’d be used to talking about it.”
“Chowed down?” Kelly said incredulously. “Poor Gavin. Oh man. Someone needs to warn him that he’s in for a world of hurt.”
“May
be he’ll like it. Maybe he’s a pain slut who—wow. That escalated quickly. I take that back.”
Joe looked at me, his expression softening. “You don’t seem to be too hung up on that whole thing.”
“What whole thing?” I asked, pinching Kelly’s side. He squawked angrily, batting my hand away.
Joe shrugged. “That Gavin’s a guy. That your mate is… you know.”
I sighed. “Your gayness is contagious.”
He snorted. “That must be it. Seriously, though. It doesn’t bother you?”
I squinted at him. “Why would it?”
“You’ve only ever had sex with women.”
“A lot of it too,” I said, puffing out my chest. They weren’t impressed. I deflated slightly. “Shit like that doesn’t matter to me. So I’m bisexual. Or I’m pansexual. Or some other kind of sexual.”
“Gavin-sexual,” Kelly said.
I rolled my eyes. “Who cares, right? I mean, it’s sort of fitting, you know? And even if there wasn’t this thing between us, I could….” I shook my head. “Even when he was stuck as a wolf, I felt it. I didn’t know what it was. In hindsight, I should have. I hated it at first, but I got used to it. Then he was gone. It hurt more than I ever thought something like that could. And all I could think about was getting to him. I need him to be my shadow because without him, I’m… I felt lost. He’s snarly. He’s surly. He’s a pain in my fucking ass. But there’s no one like him. Dad told me once that there could be others, that there wasn’t just one person. That we had a choice. I think I’ve made mine, though. If he’ll have me. Do you think he’ll have me? I’m not perfect. I make mistakes.” I shrugged awkwardly. “He sees through that, though. I exasperate him, I annoy him, and he scowls at me like he wants to punch my fucking teeth down my throat. And it all goes away when he says thump, thump, thump. Because he hears my heart and it anchors him. How can I say no to that? Who cares if he’s a man or a woman or somewhere in between? It doesn’t matter. All I care about is that he sees me. Like, really sees me. And I see him.”
I looked at my brothers.
They were gaping at me.
“What?” I said, suddenly self-conscious. I rubbed the back of my neck as my face grew hot.
“Holy shit,” Kelly breathed.
“You love him,” Joe whispered.
I glared at them. “I do not. Shut up.”
“No,” Kelly said, voice growing louder. “You looooooove him.”
“Kelly, I will kick your fucking ass!”