But it was Gavin’s voice I searched for the most. The sound of his heart.
And I froze when I heard it coming from the kitchen, surrounded by Chris and Tanner and Rico.
I looked down at Kelly again with wide eyes.
He was struggling not to laugh.
Rico was saying, “—and it’s pretty great, you know? I mean, being a wolf and all. You were human before, so you get it.”
“Yeah,” Gavin grunted. “Human before. Wolf now.”
“Right,” Tanner said. “You’re like us. Team Former Human. We were so badass. I mean, we still are, but you know what sucks? I picked up a fork the other day and it was real silver. It burned the fuck out of my hand. I mean, what the hell?”
“What the hell,” Gavin agreed. “Don’t like forks. Smell weird. Hands easier. Carter says I can’t, though. Stupid Carter.”
Kelly covered his mouth, eyes crinkling as he laughed.
“Exactly,” Chris said. “Fuck forks and stupid Carter. You get it. See? I knew you would. Hey, Gavin. I got a question.”
“Yeah,” Gavin said. “You do. All of you do. Question, question, question.”
“Uh. Yes? Anyway. So, like, do you remember everything? About when you were here before?”
“Not everything.”
“Oh. But, like, most things?”
“Yes. You farted a lot. Blamed it on me.”
“Jesus Christ,” I whispered.
“I knew it,” Rico crowed. “Fucking Chris. You’re so gross.”
“Whatever,” Chris said. “It was almost like we had a dog.”
“Not a dog,” Gavin said. “Wolf. Big bad wolf.”
“Yeah, yeah. Big bad wolf.”
Tanner snorted. “Okay, big bad wolf, you woke us up because you wanted to ask us something. Obviously you know we’re the best people in the pack to come to. Go for it.”
Gavin didn’t speak. I could imagine him scowling.
“Hey,” Rico said, and it was quieter. Gone was the bravado. He sounded kind. “It’s cool, papi. Whatever you want to ask us. Take your time. We’ve got you.”
“Yep,” Tanner said. “We’re here for you. You’re one of us.”
“That sounded creepy,” Chris said. “One of us. One of us.”
“Shut up,” Rico hissed. “You’re going to scare him away, and then Carter will kick our asses. You know how he—”
Gavin said, “I want. To be better.”
They fell silent.
Kelly slid his hand into mine. I held on for dear life.
“I have loud voices,” Gavin said. “In my head. Not always real. Long time, even before I was wolf. I heard them. It’s easier. To be wolf. Voices quieter. Can focus better. But can’t always be wolf.”