I shook my head.
“Before she fell in love with a wolf, she traveled with her pack in a carnival near the turn of the century, featuring magic and wolves. I have the pictures somewhere. These old sepia-toned things with curled edges. There’s one of Rose. She was wearing pants, which I’m sure caused quite the scandal with the good people who came to see what they thought were trained wolves, not knowing what they really were. She has a wooden pipe in her mouth, her teeth bared in a sardonic smile. She’s leaning against a booth made of white willow, which is important to certain witches. There’s a sign above the booth, above curtains she stitched herself. Two words were on the sign, words that signified her stage name. Madam Penelope.”
I gaped at her. “That’s not possible.”
She turned my hand over in hers, tracing the lines on my palm. “Isn’t it? Perhaps you were dreaming. Perhaps when you were young, you saw the photograph I just described, and in your grief, in your desire for a piece of home, you dreamed of her, pulling her from the depths of your memory. Or perhaps those we love are never really gone. Their blood is in our veins, all their history coursing through us. Is it so hard to believe that those that came before could have seen you for all that you are and decided you needed a moment to breathe? A moment of peace and a place to rest?”
I looked down at our hands. Hers were thin and slight, her fingers bony. Mine were large and blunt, almost like a paw. I said, “I saw him. I heard him.”
And she said, “Who?” though I thought she knew. She needed to hear me say it out loud.
“Dad.”
Her smile trembled. “Oh. Oh. Tell me.”
“He said he loved me.”
“He did. So much more than you could even possibly begin to understand.”
“I was lost,” I told her. “Everything hurt. I was dreaming of ghosts in the snow, and I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to go on. I was fading. I was slipping. And he told me to howl. He told me to sing.”
“Did you?”
I nodded slowly. “As loud as I could.”
“And what did it bring you?”
I gripped her hand tightly. “Kelly. Joe.”
She said, “When you were born, your father was terrified. He tried to hide it, of course, seeing as how he was an Alpha. But I knew him. I could see it in his eyes. He was big, and you were so little. His hands shook when he reached for you the first time. He asked me how you could be as you were. How it was possible to love you at first sight. He said you were so breakable, so soft, and he didn’t know how he could have deserved someone such as you.” She laughed wetly, shaking her head. “I told him to stop being silly. That you were a wolf. That you were a Bennett. And even more, you were his son. Take him. Take your son. And he did. And oh, Carter, how he cried over you. But they were happy tears. My son, he said over and over. My little boy. How perfect you are. How wonderful it is that you exist.”
“Mom,” I said hoarsely.
She looked out at the others, at Kelly and Joe. And they felt her gaze, because they looked back at her, eyes glowing bright. She said, “You’re more like him than you know. More so than your brothers. You take the weight of everything on your shoulders so that others don’t have to carry the burden. You put others before yourself, even if it’s to your detriment. And finally, finally when you find something all your own, it’s snatched away just as you’re beginning to reach for it. It’s not fair. It never is. But just like your father, you didn’t let that stop you. I don’t think leaving was the right thing to do. And yet I understand why you did. What would I do for just one more moment with him? Anything. Anything. Carter, can’t you see? They were with you. And look what it’s brought you. Look what you’ve done. You found him. Your father would be so proud of you.” Her chest hitched. “I know it.”
I raised her hand to my lips, kissed her palm.
She said, “One day I’ll see him again. And he’ll smile that curious little smile of his, and I’ll know all is right in the world again.” She looked at me. Her eyes were clear. “Don’t take the chance that he’ll always be there. We must remember to say what’s in our hearts aloud because we can never know if it’ll be the last time we’ll ever get the chance.”
“Dad knew,” I said roughly. “Even at the end.”
“I know he did,” she said. “You have traveled far. You’ve found your way home. What will you do with the time you have left?”
I looked at our pack. Kelly and Joe stood next to each other, their hands clasped between them. Ox was grinning as Gordo muttered in his ear. Mark was smiling his secret smile as he watched his mate and Alpha. Tanner and Chris were breathing heavily as they broke apart, shoving each other as they laughed. Rico held his son in his arms, Bambi’s head on his shoulder. Dominique was crouched, her hands against the ground, eyes orange as she watched Jessie bouncing on her feet, motioning for Gavin to enter the circle.
And he did.
Jessie threw a punch.
He dodged it, ducking low.
She arched an eyebrow.
And Christ, how he smiled at her, a simple thing,
so profound. He growled lowly in his chest, and it caused the hairs on the back of my neck to stand on end. He went for Jessie, weaving left, then right, almost quicker than I could follow. Jessie spun low, leg swinging out in a flat arc. He vaulted over her, hands against her shoulders before he landed behind her. He pressed his bare foot against her ass and kicked. She fell forward onto her hands and knees with a grunt and a curse.
“Holy shit,” Tanner said.