Kori turns to me and says, “I like him.”
“Oh joy,” I mumble at her. “My life is now complete.”
“I certainly don’t know why you and Tyson haven’t kept in touch,” Kori says to Dominic, and I swear the temperature in the car drops at least fifty degrees. “A man such as yourself with your obvious degree of acceptance. Well, you are young, I guess. What are you? Twenty-four? Twenty-five?”
“He’s twenty-six,” I say without meaning to.
“Twenty-six!” Kori says cheerfully. “And so big. Oh my, yes. Aren’t you just the biggest thing I ever did see?”
“I work out,” Dominic says with a shrug. He’s obviously enjoying himself far too much, and I realize the cooler temperature is only coming from me, but it’s radiating throughout the car.
“I can tell,” she says. “But back to you and Ty. Why is it that you haven’t kept in touch? Obviously it doesn’t have to do with his rampant homosexuality, because you seem to be of the tolerant sort.”
“Rampant homosexuality?” I ask her. “What does that even mean?”
“It means,” she explains, “that some might see me as a boy in a dress, but you still take the rainbow cake any day of the week.” She lowers her voice and whispers conspiratorially to Dominic, “He’s so gay even his cock is crooked.”
“Kori!” I shout.
“What? It is! That’s why I call you Captain Wicked Hook.”
That’s an outrageous lie! Well, sort of. It does bend. A little. Don’t look at me that way. “I will murder you,” I promise her.
But of course, she ignores me completely. “And why wouldn’t I be the one to know? You did have it pressed against me. On multiple occasions. Oh, the shenanigans we seem to find ourselves in!” Her eyes go mockingly wide, her voice fluttering. “Oh! Not that we were actually drinking, officer. Tyson is underage, after all. Did I say wine coolers? I meant orange juice.” It had actually been wine coolers, and I stopped at two when I realized that while drunk, I tend to laugh in such a way that it makes it sound as if I’m a pair of mating kangaroos. It’s not a pretty sound, more of a guttural OOOAAHH OOOAAHH. Go ahead. Google it if you must.
See? It’s pretty bad when you sound like kangaroos making sexy time. I’ve decided to live a life of sobriety so I don’t end up as a marital aid to get kangaroos in the mood at the San Diego Zoo.
Dominic tightens his hands around the steering wheel so much his knuckles turn white.
“So?” Kori asks. “You and Tyson? No? Anything? Well, shucks! I guess I’ll never really know your side. To hear Tyson tell it, you look like the villain indeed.”
The police car stops. I look out the window, thankful for the distraction. Until I see we’re parked in front of the Green Monstrosity. As if he was waiting for us, Bear opens the front door and glares at us, his arms crossed. Otter appears behind him and says something in his ear, but Bear shakes his head angrily.
“You called Bear?” I ask Dominic. “Are you out of your fucking mind? You know what he’s going to do to me!”
“He’ll never stop murdering you, that’s for sure,” Kori says.
Dominic doesn’t answer me. Instead, he exits the car and shuts the door behind him. He comes to the back and opens the rear door. “Out,” he says.
Kori glances back at me, but slides out of the car. Dominic turns her around and releases the cuffs. She rubs her wrists as she turns and smiles up at Dominic. “Why, thank you,” she says. “I’ve always wanted to be handcuffed by a big, strong man. I’m so happy you were able to help me with my kink. Do you ever ride the police motorcycle? And if so, a follow-up query: do you happen to have the motorcycle boots? That might just be another fantasy of mine. Especially if they go all the way up to the knees. Maybe you could pull me over sometime?”
This is not how I pictured my day ending. At all.
I move to slide out of the car, but Dominic blocks my way. “Not you,” he says, his voice a growl. I try to ignore the shivers that run down my spine. “You stay in there.”
“They won’t be pressing charges?” I hear Bear ask. He’s standing at the front gate Dominic turns and shakes his head. “No. I talked them down. It wasn’t Tyson who threw the rock through the window. I told them he wouldn’t mind footing the bill for it, though, and to send it to me once it got done and I’d make sure they got reimbursed. The owner and I go back, so he’s fine. As long as Tyson knows he is not allowed in BJ’s.”
“Like I would ever go back there,” I say indignantly. “Do you know what they do to procure the meat they serve? It’s an affront to all—”
“Kid, if you value your life, you should give serious consideration to keeping your mouth shut,” Bear says through gritted teeth. He pushes through the gate, and Otter rolls his eyes behind him.
“I’m nineteen years old! You can’t—”
“Most nineteen-year-olds don’t get themselves arrested,” he retorts.
“It was the beach hippies!”
“Beach hippies?” Otter asks, sounding interested. “Where did you meet beach hippies?”