“You wake up this instant!”
He groaned. “Must you nag me this early in the morning?”
“I must. It is the way of my people.”
“Bitches?”
“Performance artists.”
“Same thing. You’re lucky Clyde’s in Vancouver for work. He would not have been amused by this.”
“I’m quaking in my boots at the thought of your partner coming after me for doing something you put me up to. I’m sure he’d try his hardest to punch me in the face with his comb-over. Now, less complaining, more listening.”
“It is way too goddamned early for this shit,” he muttered. “I should have just let the club close. Then at least I could sleep in and not have to listen to performance artists.”
“Aww,” I said. “Did you stay up too late jacking off a go-go boy and calling it an audition?”
“Hey,” Mike said. “If Clyde’s eating Canadian, then I get to sample too.”
“Gross,” I said. “And irrelevant. I won’t shame you for your unorthodox relationship, because that would be wrong of me. Now, hit me with it.”
“With what.”
I tried to not let my aggravation show through. After all, not everyone could be on point like I could this early in the morning. Us type As are awesome like that. “Super Gay money.”
“Uh-huh.”
“How much?”
“Well—”
“Wait,” I said. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I feel sort of tingly.”
“Why is that?”
“It’s not often I get to associate with the Super Gays.”
“Should I point out that you didn’t really associate with—”
“And to have them give me money? I feel like a high-class call girl. I don’t work the streets. No. To get to me, you have to know people.”
“They’re not really giving you the money—”
“Mike. Are you trying to ruin this moment for me?”
“Uh. No?”
“Because it seems like you’re trying to ruin this moment.”
“I’m not.”
“Okay. Let me have it.”
“I think it’s probably a good idea to not get expectations set so high.”
“Too late. They’re sky-high. Anything less than four billion dollars will seem like a letdown and will probably crush me.”
“Oh boy,” Mike sighed.