“You act like I’ve never been in your house before.” He looked around, probably trying to find something to judge. Ha, his loss. My interior decorating skills were fantastic. Everything in this house was elegant and classy. Well, except for the walk-in closet where I kept all of Helena’s outfits. That looked like a gay pride parade had exploded in there.
“I hope that came out as creepy as you intended,” I told him as I closed the door behind me and leaned against it. “If so, mission accomplished. And you’ve been here four times.”
The first time had been a bit of a fluke, or at least I thought so, shortly after Paul and Vince started dating. All I know is that I was coming out of the shower, a towel firmly wrapped around my waist, when Paul had called me to the kitchen. So there I went, soaking wet and wrapped in a pink towel, only to find Paul and Vince standing with Darren for no goddamned reason. Darren had his judging face on and I had my bitch face ready and then I realized I was essentially nude in front of Darren and I had screeched at everyone to get out of my house.
I never really found out why they were there that day. I didn’t talk to Paul for three days after.
The second time had been after Corey, Tyson, and Dominic had arrived in Tucson and Paul had invited him over for brunch as retaliation for getting Nana’s parrot Johnny Depp to accuse Paul of being a rapist when the bird needed to go to the vet. Obviously, Paul went extremely overboard in his revenge against me. I didn’t speak to Paul for a full day after that.
And the third time, of course, had been the Awkward One-Night Stand Brunch Fiasco that we would never speak of again.
Well, almost never.
“How’s Octavius?” I asked, hoping I looked earnest. “I bet he’s just heartbroken you’re in a fake relationship.”
“You know how many times I’ve been here?” he asked. “Keeping tabs on me, I see.”
“Yes, well. Keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer.”
“Really?” He took a step toward me, that shark’s grin on his face. “And just how close do I need to be?”
“Not that close,” I said when I realized I had nowhere to go. “Definitely not that close.”
“You sure?” His knees bumped mine.
I didn’t quite understand why it was getting harder to breathe. I mean, objectively, sure, he was attractive. But that shouldn’t have mattered, even if he was only a few inches away.
“You don’t sound sure,” he said, voice low.
I pushed him away and managed to step around him without falling on my face.
He looked annoyed when he turned around.
That made me feel better. His pain was my joy.
“So, Octavius?” I asked, making sure to maintain a careful distance between us.
“Haven’t talked to him since I dropped him off. I made sure he knew it wasn’t anything.”
“How sweet of you,” I said. “He must have been devastated.”
“Why’s that?”
“Because it was obviously true love.”
He snorted. “Not hardly.”
“Well, from where I was sitting, it sure looked—”
“And how’s Brian?” Darren asked. “You two seemed… cozy.”
“We were,” I said, suddenly irritated. “He’s very… cozy. And athletic.”
“Athletic.”
“Indeed.” From what I could remember. Which wasn’t much. Or really anything at all. Apparently, I was a sloppy drunk. “I made sure he knew it wasn’t anything.” Actually, he’d tried to hit on Corey and then Corey and I had kicked him out after he’d asked if there was any more bacon. But Darren didn’t need to know that. “Keeps texting me, though. Sweet man that he is.”
“Well, too bad you’re taken, then.” Darren reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. “I’ll just text him to send him a reminder.”