Into This River I Drown - Page 197

“The first to be given a choice,” Michael says.

“The big guy upstairs must be getting old,” David says, sounding bored. “He’s lost his marbles.”

Gabriel shrugs. “Maybe he just knows something we don’t.”

David rolls his eyes. “I think that’s a given.”

“We don’t have time for this,” Raphael says. “A war is coming. The longer we’re gone, the further behind we get.”

“Patience,” Michael says. “We don’t even know if it will be our war yet to fight.”

“You may have forgotten Metatron,” Raphael snarls at him, “but I haven’t. I know what our brother is capable of. He’s a ruthless bastard who thinks he’s a god. His corruption will soon overflow and spill into the rest of the worlds. You have missed news from the front lines, Michael. The Split One has crossed into Metatron’s field. Even Father himself cannot say what will happen. The timetable has shifted. This is different from all the times that it has happened before. You know it is. Its own Firsts won’t be able to stop It again. The seventh time will be the last.”

“We wait,” Michael says firmly, even as he pales further. “We agreed to wait. To give them all time. But you are right. We must return.”

They all turn to look at Cal and me. The people of Roseland try to crowd in front of us again.

“Calliel,” Michaels says. “You are to be given a choice. You may return to On High and continue to be the guardian angel of Roseland. The people and everyone in the town will be yours as your duty dictates. It is the reason you were made, and these people are your responsibility. Father will be there, as he’s always been.”

“Or?” he asks.

“Or,” Michael says slowly, “you may choose to stay. You will no longer be an angel. You will be human. Your halo and wings will be stripped. You will no longer be able to return to On High. You will age. You will bleed. You will get sick. Eventually, you will die. How you live your life from here on out will determine what happens then. Another angel will be assigned to Roseland, though it won’t be given priority. Our resources are stretched thin as it is. There may be times Roseland will not be guarded, though I know not of Father’s plans for this place during those times.”

“What’s the catch?” I ask even as my heart begins to race. There has to be one. It can’t be that easy.

Michael watches me with shrewd eyes. “Calliel will not be able to speak to our Father for as long as he lives. Even in prayer, even in the quietest moments, our Father will not be there.”

“You bastards,” I whisper. “Oh, you fucking bastards. I’ve already made the choice!”

None of the archangels flinch. “We are tested,” Michael says. “Always. That was yours, to show you could know the true meaning of sacrifice. My Father has seen your heart, Benjamin Green. He has seen it well. Your time is done. This is meant for Calliel.”

I turn to Cal. His eyes are closed, his lips drawn in a thin line. His jaw is tense. My nose rubs his cheek, the red stubble prickling wonderfully against my skin. I know what his Father means to him. I know the way he ached at being cut off from him after he fell from On High. I know the pain he carries with him at the loss of the one who made him. I know better than anyone else. I know because of the choice I almost made sitting next to the river with my own father. I know the feeling of separation. Of loss.

I could beg him to stay. I could whisper in his ear how much I love him. I could plead with my eyes that I am nothing without him. But I can’t. It’s not my choice. I can’t tell him what I want, because it’s not about me. It’s about him. It’s all up to him. I won’t blame him, no matter what decision he makes. His Father means more to him than I ever could. I know because of what Big Eddie is to me. It’s impossible, this choice. It’s improbable.

Part of me wants him to go, just like I said.

There’s another part, though, one that rises within me. Another part that whispers, Oh, my heart. Oh, my soul. Please stay. Please stay with me. Don’t let me go.

As if he can hear my thoughts, he turns and brushes his lips against mine. An arc of electricity shoots down my spine at the subtle scrape of his mouth. He leans his forehead to mine and opens his dark eyes. They are endless. I try to smile. It doesn’t work.

“If my Father is what I must sacrifice,” the angel Calliel says, “if that is what he asks of me, then so be it. I choose humanity. I choose Roseland. I choose these people.” He kisses me again as a tear slides down my cheek. “I choose you, Benjamin Edward Green. I will always choose you.”

“Are you sure?” I ask, my voice cracking. “Is this what you want? Your Father… you can’t just give that up. It’s not fair. He’s your home. You can’t do this. Just for me. You can’t. I’m not—”

“No,” he breathes. “This is my home. These people are my home. This place. And you. Benji, I do it for you, but I do it more for myself. I do it because I can finally make my own choice.” He pulls away from me, and I almost whimper at the loss. He turns to face his brothers. “I choose to stay,” he says, his voice clear and strong. “I choose to stay, for I am home. Father, I am home.”

Michael nods tightly. “Brothers,” he commands, “it’s time.”

Cal takes a step away from me, and the crowd around us clears. The archangels surround him, like the corners to a square. Cal bows his head and brings his folded hands to his chest. He closes his eyes and breathes deeply.

The angels hold out their arms toward each other, completing the square. Their wings snap open wide. Halos appear over each of their heads, Cal’s the brightest of all. It glows with such a fierce blue light it takes my breath away. I almost want to stop them, to end this. He’s giving up everything he is. And for what? Me?

You are everything, my father whispers. Impossibly, improbably, you are everything. To me. To your mother. To him. I’ve taught you, boy. I’ve taught you true. Now it’s time to stand and accept what is yours. He has made his choice. And you both will be loved for as long as you live and beyond.

Big Eddie is right. He always is. Cal is my responsibility.

And I will cherish him.

Tags: T.J. Klune Romance
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